


Sanditon Season 3: The river flows, for better and worse

by Aaf



Series: The river flows to Sanditon. [2]
Category: Sanditon (TV 2019)
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:34:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 32
Words: 80,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25773694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aaf/pseuds/Aaf
Summary: Sidney and Charlotte are in London to prepare for their wedding when Georgiana Molyneux receives a letter from Antigua and confronts Sidney with a ghost from his past. He urgently needs to travel to Antigua. He fears that Charlotte will reconsider their engagement when she hears why. They have a rocky start of their relationship and some horrible event tends to drive them apart. Will they reinvent their love for each other?
Relationships: Arthur Parker & William Heywood, Charlotte Heywood/Sidney Parker, Diana Parker & Dr. Fuchs, Georgiana Lambe/Arthur Parker
Series: The river flows to Sanditon. [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1869760
Comments: 130
Kudos: 119





	1. Taking responsibility

# 1\. Taking responsibility

At the end of February, about six weeks before the intended date of Charlotte’s and Sidney’s wedding, the new Mrs. Georgiana Molyneux, she had wed just a fortnight before, called on her old guardian at his London House. Sidney was just giving instructions to the workmen who were to refurbish Charlotte’s future bedroom.

“Georgiana!” he enthusiastically called out as he walked down the stairs to let her in his library. “How does married life suit you?” he asked with a smile. “Has Mr. Molyneux left you happy and content, before leaving for sea again?”

But Georgiana’s face looked grave.

“My God, you look like you’ve seen a ghost. Has Mr. Molyneux been ill-treating you? Was I wrong in permitting your marriage? Has anything happened” he asked, somewhat alarmed.

“No, she replied with a forced smile. “Otis behaves just fine. No, this is about another man’s misconduct.” looking at him sharply. “And I haven’t _seen_ the ghost, but apparently it can _write_.”

Sidney looked at her uneasy. He thought he and Georgiana had come to terms and that she had started looking upon him friendlier, but now she seemed to have returned to her old hostilities.

“I have had a letter from Antigua.” she said. “From Sally, if you remember her?” she added with contempt.

He looked at her in great shock. “Sally? Are you ridiculing me? Is she alive?”

“She _was_ when she drafted this letter.” Georgiana answered with an angry, sad voice, then calming down: “You’d better read it yourself.” handing him the letter.

He took it in his hands and starting reading the somewhat unorderly handwriting on the stained piece of paper. After reading it he just sank in his chair, with his hand in front of his mouth, unable to utter a word.

“Now, what are you going to do?” Georgiana asked him.

“I…” Sidney merely mumbled in confusion.

“Are you going to take your responsibility?” she asked with a strict voice.

After a pensive silence he agitatedly said: “Yes of course I will. Just let me think for a moment.”

“And will you tell Charlotte? If you don’t, I will! And you must tell her before she marries you. She must know the truth about you.” Georgiana threatened him.

He gave her an angry look. “I must.” he answered despondently. And after a pause, he resignedly added: “And I must go to Antigua on the first ship available.”

“What about your wedding then?” she asked.

“We’ll have to postpone it.” He mumbled with a sigh.

“If she’ll still have you.” Georgiana added cynically.

He gave her another wounded look. “Oh you are enjoying this, aren’t you ?” he sneered.

“No, Sidney, believe me, I’m not. The last thing I want to do is ruin my best friend’s happiness. But she must know the truth about you.”

“Indeed, she does.” he sighed with a sad look in his eyes. “Though she’s seen a lot of my bad side already, I’m not sure how she will respond to this…” He stared out the window for a minute, then recollecting himself: “I have to find out when the next ship to Antigua leaves and take my leave from Charlotte.” He looked in his papers to consult the schedule of ships departing for Antigua. He remembered his plans to send some goods with the new ship of his friend Captain Rogers. It would leave in five days from Portsmouth. He wrote a note to his friend to make a reservation, ordering his butler to get a messenger to take it to Portsmouth straight away.

“I’ll go see Charlotte now, please call on her right after, she’ll be in need of a friend.” He said softly. Georgiana nodded. “I was going to see her and accompany her to her dressmaker, so she’s expecting me. I’ll wait outside in my carriage till you have left.”

Then he gave instructions to his housekeeper to pack his trunk for the long journey. Mrs. Jenkins was quite surprised. “Leaving so sudden for such a long time. But what of your wedding?” she asked.

“I’ll let you know the new date for the arrival of the new Mrs. Parker. But I’m afraid it will be postponed for at least three months, depending on how quickly I return.” He said gravely.

“I’m sorry sir.” She replied “It must be rather important business if you are to postpone your wedding. Could no one else go?” she asked carefully, looking worried at his sad face.

“No, I must go myself, and it cannot wait.” he said sternly. He put on his coat and top hat and joined Georgiana in her coach to go and see Charlotte.

In her uncle’s house Charlotte and her mother were in the drawing room, waiting for Georgiana to take them to see the dressmaker, when Sidney walked in. Charlotte greeted him with her usual, but surprised joy and looked up at him. When she saw his grave face and that he was avoiding looking her I the eye, she got alarmed. He barely greeted his future mother-in-law, merely staring at his feet.

“What is it Sidney?"Charlotte asked. He sighed, looking at her with dewy eyes. “You’re scaring me.” She said with some anxiety.

“I need to talk with you for a minute.” he said solemnly. “Alone, please” he pleaded with Mrs. Heywood.

Mrs. Heywood inspected both their faces carefully. “I’ll be in the next room if you need me.” She whispered to Charlotte.

Charlotte noticed Sidney nervously fiddling his hands. As Mrs. Parker closed the door, Sidney stood gazing out the window, with his back towards Charlotte. “What is the matter, Sidney.” she asked again, more firmly. He turned and looked her in the eye, before directing his eyes back to the floor again. “Please, Sidney, whatever it is, talk to me!” she exclaimed.

He scraped his voice. “Georgiana came to see me this morning with some distressing news.” He said softly.

“Georgiana?! Not something with Otis, I hope?” Charlotte carefully inquired.

He shrugged his shoulders. “No, Otis and Georgiana are just fine. At least I’ve not made a mistake there.” he said with some bitterness in his voice. He looked Charlotte in the eyes for a moment before turning his face to the window again. “You know I am not a perfect man.” he said softly.

She gently put her hand on his arm. He glanced at her tenderly, then shrugged his shoulders again, holding his hands behind his back. “I have a past and not a very recommending one.” he continued with a trembling voice.

“It is all right, Sidney, all I care is about the man you are now.” she replied, as she softly pulled on his arm so that he would need to face her.” He smiled at her, his eyes moist and red. “Whatever it is , just tell me.” she said reassuringly “I’m sure we can work it out.”

He smiled at her tenderly: “Oh Charlotte, I don’t deserve you and I fear you’ll come to that same conclusion when I tell you the truth about me.”

“Do you mean to say that you’ve been dishonest with me?” she asked carefully.

“I have not meant to be.”

“Then there is no reason why I shouldn’t be able to forgive whatever you have to tell me.” She said firmly.

He looked her softly. Her words seemed to reassure him a little.

There was a knock on the door and the maid set down a tray with tea. They stopped talking till she had gone. “Just sit down.” He said, holding both her hands in his and directing her to the sofa. He sat down next to her, their knees touching at a small angle.

He spoke slowly, looking down at his shoes.

“You know that during my time in Antigua Georgiana’s father, Mr. Lambe, took me in. I had been living a rather wild life after Eliza had broken off our engagement to marry Mr. Campion. I drank, I gambled, I did everything to destroy myself. Tom had already once bailed me out of debtor’s prison before I decided to travel to the West Indies. But it didn’t end there. You must know, it’s a rough world out there. That was part of the attraction. But I was not prepared for its cruelties. The things I’ve seen….” his voice trembled.

“In Antigua I got back to my old bad habits, but this time Tom was not around to help me and at a certain time my debts were so high, a man I owed money to had me beaten up. And they gave me the warning that they would sell me off to privateers if I couldn’t find the money…It was Mr. Lambe who found me and took me under his roof. I had a strong concussion and some broken ribs and he had me taken care of. Like Tom, he paid off my debts, he offered me an apprenticeship in the sugar trade so that I could repay him. He was like a second father to me, he taught me the trade. Of course he had slaves. All plantation-owners do, though he was kinder than most of them are… but they are places filled with cruelty and death. The work on the plantations is so hard many of the slaves die. Many try to escape but the penalty of getting caught is high.” he paused for a moment.

“Some owners will not only punish the ones who try to escape but the others as well. You can’t imagine the gruesome punishments I’ve seen.” He shuddered in horror. “The slaves working in the household might be best off, but there are other dangers there, especially for the women. Abolition of the transatlantic slave trade sadly only worsened it. Since slave-owners cannot import slaves from Africa anymore, they… try to breed them…and they prefer them lighter coloured, with mixed origin…. I hope I do not have to sketch the implications…. Georgiana’s mother was lucky in some way, I guess, to find a master who did not treat her cruelly, but had a fondness for her. I’m not sure whether she loved him back, but he set her free after his first wife died. He acknowledged Georgiana as his daughter, as you know... Other women are less fortunate in their masters.” He paused as he looked in Charlotte’s shocked eyes.

“In the last year that I lived under his roof, about five years ago, I contracted a severe fever that was going round. The same that had killed Georgiana’s mother not long before. Again I was bedridden. There was a young slave girl, Sally, an older friend of Georgiana, who nursed me. She was a kind, sweet girl and very beautiful. I think she was but fifteen or sixteen years old. She stayed with me night and day. After a while, when I had regained my strength somewhat, she came to my bed one night and offered herself to me.” He looked at his shoes, unable to look Charlotte in the eyes. He felt her hands stiffen and trying to let go of his. He felt her staring down at him. But he had to finish his story.

“I didn’t want her to, but she insisted on laying with me, because if I didn’t she feared it would be someone else, someone who would hurt her. She stayed with me for some weeks. She was quite persistent and I found it hard to resist her.”

Charlotte stood up without looking at him, her face motionless, walked a few paces, gazing out of the window with her arms crossed. She kept silent. Sidney swallowed and continued:

“She tried to persuade me to buy her. But the whole idea of owning someone revolted me and I had little funds then. As she was young and quite attractive, the price set for her was high. ‘Good breeding material’ they would call it.” he scoffed. “When I was fully recovered I had to make a long business trip with Mr. Lambe. I was determined to free her, I made quite a fortune on that trip, but when I got back, it appeared Sally had been sold to another man. Mr. Lambe’s steward who handled Mr. Lambe’s affairs during his absence held a grudge against me, out of jealousy perhaps, and he sold her to wound me. Her new owner had apparently wasn’t very happy to find that he was not the first man she’d been with. I was told he had her beaten her up because he had been promised a ‘clean’ girl. ”

He spoke with an angry and bitter voice. Charlotte put her hand for her mouth in shock, suppressing a yell. He continued: “When she tried to run away, they shot her down. I was told she hadn’t survived. Quite sick of the business, I turned my back on the sugar trade and everything else related to slavery.” He looked a moment at the sugar bowl on the tray, where their tea was getting cold, with some disgust. He felt Charlotte gazing at him, but he didn’t dare look her in the eyes.

“I left Antigua, started to trade other commodities that were not produced by slave labour and eventually I returned to England a few years ago, running my business from here. And as you know, Mr. Lambe died about a year ago, setting all his slaves free and once more I travelled to Antigua to fetch Georgiana and take care of her… Now this morning, Georgiana came to me to tell she’d had a letter from Sally.”

He glimpsed at Charlotte’s face looking at him with grave concern. She didn’t speak.

“By some miracle she had survived her shotgun wound and was found by a man, a freed slave, who took her in his hut. He was kind to her and he married her religiously for the Catholic Church. She was a fugitive, so they could not register their marriage for the law. They had little to live off, only a small garden and some money he earnt working in the port. He died about a year ago, leaving her widowed. And now it appears she passed away as well, as result of an infected cut in her arm.”

He paused. “Before her infection became fatal she had dictated a letter a letter to Georgiana to a nun -Sally was not able to write herself. Apparently she left a child behind, a little girl, about four years old.” Charlotte looked him in the eye sharply and saw them well up with tears. Slowly it dawned on her what he was about to tell her. “It appears that I am the father and that she’s named Sidonia, after me.” Charlotte’s eyes widened, staring at him in shock. “She’s being taken care of by a kind neighbour now, but the woman is poor and it is a rough, dangerous environment…. You must understand that I must go to Antigua on the first ship available to find her and take care of her.”

He looked at Charlotte, “I’m afraid that means that our wedding will have to wait….That is ….if you’ll still have me” his soft voice dropped. An awkward silence followed.

“Please say something. Charlotte… Anything.” he pleaded anxiously.

She looked at him in astonishment, in shock and confused. “I don’t know what to say, Sidney” she said. “This is quite a lot to digest.” She looked down at the floor in silence for a while, gathering her thoughts. She felt tears well up in her eyes. And she looked at him again with some anger and lashed out: “You couldn’t resist!” she yelled at him “Poor girl! To be abused so!”

He looked at her angry and wounded. “I didn’t force her, Charlotte. God knows I could never force a woman. She wanted me to….” He said softly.

“No you didn’t force her physically.” Charlotte sneered “But what of circumstance? Did she really have a choice? Only between one master or the other, I suppose.”

He looked at her with a guilty conscience. In his mind he remembered Otis’ story about his sister, how sleeping with her jailors was her only means of escape. What if Sally had never had any real regard for him? What if she had merely seen him as an instrument in the path to freedom? As a better alternative for her horrid ordeal. But then again, Georgiana had emphasised how he had hurt the girl's feelings when he had left Antigua with her father for travel. And Sally had the girl named after him, that should mean something. “I am not proud of myself, Charlotte. All I can say for myself is that I cared for her and feel terrible about what happened to her, whatever her motives might have been to turn to me. And I need to take responsibility now as I should have back then.” He said in a sad tone, looking at his shoes again. “I understand your disappointment in me, I am disappointed in myself, I won’t blame you if you reject me now.” his voice trembled and he hid his face in his hands.

Charlotte’s countenance softened somewhat. She sat down next to him, stroked his hair and took his hands in her own. He looked up at her. His eyes dewy, but hopeful. “Are you angry with me?”

“I am.” She said.

“Do wish to break off the engagement?” he asked anxiously

“It is a lot for me to deal with, Sidney.” She said hesitatingly.

“Yes.”

“You have not always been the most well-behaved man, I knew that. ” she said pensively. He nodded. She continued: “But you are no worse than the average man. All I care about is your conduct _now_. And you are right, you must go to Antigua, face your past, and you must do so without delay. You have a child, she’s your first responsibility and she is in danger. I do not wish to part from you, but my needs and wishes are rather trivial compared to hers.” He looked at her grateful and endeared. “When will you be leaving?” she asked carefully after a long silence.

“There’s a ship in Portsmouth leaving in five days, on Friday. I have sent a messenger to secure a place on board and I’ll have to ride there the day after tomorrow the latest to be sure I don’t miss it and get the necessary things for the trip.”

“And our wedding? When would you be back?”

“That's difficult to say. It might be three months, it might be more than half a year, depending on the wind and how fast I can find Sidonia and arrange the paperwork needed to bring her here.” He sighed.

“Half a year!” Charlotte cried out.

“I know.” Sidney replied with sad voice. “I feel awful parting from you for so long.”

“Must we really?” Charlotte asked him firmly after a moment's silence

He looked at her, a little bewildered. “Like you said, I have to go there and fetch her, get her into safety, I have to take responsibility.”

“Yes, I know. But can’t I come with you?” she asked hopeful.

“You want to come with me? Oh, Charlotte, it is a dangerous journey, remember what happened on my last trip and I wouldn’t want expose you to all the horrors that are involved in the trans-Atlantic trade.” He dismissed her suggestion with a gesture of his hand.

“Are you underestimating me again?” she reacted a little annoyed “Or are you having doubts you want to marry me yourself? Because this is the second time since you’ve proposed that you’re asking me to reconsider or to postpone our wedding.” She sounded bitter.

“No, I wouldn’t dare to underestimate you ever again and of course I still want to marry you, how can you think otherwise…but you must know that I want to protect you. It’s a world that corrupts people. It’s corrupted me.” He argued, shaking his head.

She raised her voice a bit: “Then all the more reason I should stay with you and keep an eye on you! And the child needs a mother as well as a father. You have no experience in raising so young a child. Thankfully, having nine siblings younger than me, I am not entirely new to the task…and I am not going to let you get away with putting the child in some other people’s care, like you did with Georgiana. No, I am going to make sure you act as a proper father.” She said in a strict voice.

He stared at her in astonished disbelief for a while: “You would be willing to take in my bastard child in and be her mother?’ he asked, smiling a little. “Are you sure, you know people are going to talk, especially since…”

“She has a dark colour?” Charlotte finished his sentence.

He sighed.

“Since when do I care about other people opinions?” she asked him earnestly, then with a smile she added: “Well, except for yours.”

He smiled back with a grateful look in his eyes “What have I done to deserve you?” he asked.

“Well you misbehaved and I’m your punishment. ”she replied with friendly sarcasm and kissed him on the forehead.

He sighed in relief. “You’re not too angry with me then?””

“Oh I’m angry with you all right.” She stated firmly, adding after a pause: “But I’m also proud of you.”

“Proud!” he cried out bemused. “How in heaven’s name am I making you proud of me?”

“You’re taking your responsibility. There are plenty of men out there who don’t. You have made a mistake, I can’t judge the circumstances, but I believe you meant no evil. You’re a father, caring for his daughter.” She explained.

She saw his eyes soften. “Yes, I’m a father.” he whispered “I have a daughter! It just begins to dawn in on me now. Although it is not quite how I imagined achieving fatherhood.” He smiled, looking at her tenderly, still a little embarrassed. “But I certainly imagined _you_ as the mother of my children. I have seen you with Tom and Mary’s children, your little brothers and sisters. Our children can wish no better mother. ”

She blushed, humbly chuckling: “Well, I hope I can live up to your expectations.”

“But still, we cannot travel together unmarried.” He said after some silence

“Can’t the wedding be done before we get on board?” she asked “Or would it frighten you to marry so quickly?” she challenged him.

He looked at her with a little fearful smile. “It won’t be easy. Our bans are read in the church at Willingden and at mine in London, but there’s not enough time to get your uncle John to confirm there are no impediments and get to Portsmouth in time. Let alone Scotland. Unless….”

“Unless what?”

“Unless we can get a licence from the Church to get married sooner. If I can arrange it this afternoon, we might even marry tomorrow.”

“Well what are we waiting for?"Charlotte said with a big smile.

“Are you sure? Are you aware that people will ask questions about why we moved it forward. They’ll assume…”

“Assume what, dear?”

“That we have been rather impatient and … gotten ahead of things… it will stain on you.”

“Again, it doesn’t matter what other people think as long as our conscience is clear. We have a perfectly good reason.”

“Even if we get it arranged, don’t you mind not having a big celebration, not having all your family there to witness. I mean all preparations for your dress, the wedding…”

“A little, but we’ve got the rest of our lives to celebrate… I’d walk down the aisle in my apron if it that what it takes… since we get married for better or worse, we might as well do the worst first. It can only get better.” She smiled

“In just your apron?” Sidney replied a little mischievously “I’d love to see that, but I’m afraid they’ll throw us out of church before the ceremony has taken place.”

She poked him with her elbow. Adding playfully: “Stop inventing reasons why we should postpone the wedding. If you’re trying to use all this as an excuse to get away from me and have me break off the engagement, you’re wrong.”

He pulled her close, caressed her hair and gave her a long kiss. “I’m never to get away from you, am I.” he teased. She pushed him away gently. “Indeed, you’re not, but we’re not going to prove all that gossip right, you have to be patient just a little longer. You’re in trouble enough as it is.”

He smiled, a little embarrassed. “Indeed, and we must hurry to get it all arranged properly. But it will have to be a modest celebration, I mean its Lent…”

She nodded: “Yes, but we can celebrate more elaborately some other time, more peculiarly, it’s a leap day tomorrow, the twenty-ninth of February. A bit odd for a wedding day, but I’ll take it.”

He smiled: “Well then” and after a pensive silence he added, while removing a lock of hair from her face: “Since you’ll probably come after me if I don’t take you along, we’d better make an honourable woman of you before you stowaway on a ship with I don’t know what ruffians and me having to rescue you from them. I should have done that the last time you jumped on a coach to help me with a search, but you seemed quite repulsed by the idea of being my wife then.”

She chuckled a little embarrassed: “And only a day later nothing seemed more delightful. And yes, I probably would come after you. Although I would pack a shotgun with me this time.”

“To shoot my head off for abandoning you. No, I’d better keep you close and watch you.” He responded dryly

Well, I won’t say ‘no’ to staying close to you, at least if we can get married beforehand.” she poked him gently. She looked outside, seeing Georgiana’s carriage across the street and looked at the clock “Dear God, I was expecting Georgiana to pick us up with her carriage just half an hour ago. I’ve kept her waiting!”

“I know.” he said. “She won’t think you rude. She’s offered to wait outside in her carriage till I’d left, in case you needed her support… It might be that she needs yours instead. She might be a little disappointed that you didn’t throw me out of the house.” he grinned.

“Ask her to come inside. I first have the difficult task of explaining this to my mother. And I’d better tell her alone, because I’m not sure she’ll let you leave in one piece. So you’d better leave quickly.” He looked at her a little fearfully. “And before my mother gets to throw out one of her fits, Georgiana may come in and help me find suitable clothes for Antigua.”

“I need to write a note to my housekeeper first” he replied, “To warn her he that her new mistress may be arriving tomorrow. She’s not going to be amused.” He sighed. “And I need to warn my assistant, Babington and Tom.”

“I think I need to write one myself” Charlotte replied in a mysterious tone.

They wrote their notes and Sidney kissed her goodbye, looking her deep in the eyes. “Till tomorrow my love, I leave you to prepare yourself. And adding with a playful smile: “I hope you’ll sleep well your last night alone.”

She smiled back at him and mischievously answered: “I wish I were sleeping alone tonight .” He raised his eyebrows. “My mother snores terribly!” she added.

He laughed with a licentious look: “Well it’s good I’m saving you from her then. I have no plans for snoring, I grant you. I must warn you I plan to do rather different things than your mother in our bed and I’m not sure we’ll be sleeping much.”

Her cheeks flushed and she gazed to the floor with a little shy embarrassment. “Well, you better leave me alone and give me some rest then.” she said, almost pushing him out the door.

As he opened the door the maid was just about to go in to collect the tray and looked a little puzzled at the change in atmosphere and the fact that the tray had remained untouched. As Sidney walked out of the front door after having his notes dispatched, he walked up to Georgiana’s carriage.

“Well, you’ve taken your time.” she snapped at him. “And why are you smiling. Are you having any fun at this, breaking Charlotte’s heart like that. I knew you to be cruel, but I hadn’t thought you to be _this_ evil.”

“Well, Georgiana” he smirked. “I admit there have been tears. But I’ve been sent by her with the request that instead of consoling her, you might help her prepare for our wedding and a voyage to Antigua, because apparently she refuses to let go of me. So, apart from the shock and my grief about what happened to Sally and my shame in my not preventing it, I have occasion to be happy about having become a father and having found my child the best possible step-mother and the prospect to get married tomorrow.” And he left her in astonishment as he walked away to find an available coach.

Mrs. Heywood, having heard their raised voices and Sidney’s departure, entered the drawing room: “Well, what did he have to say? I thought he was bringing you bad news, now you’re looking quite delighted. ”

“Indeed mother, he did have some distressing news. But to make a long story short, I’m afraid there’s been a change of plans.” Without explaining the reasons for the urgency of the trip, she explained her perplexed mother that they had to prepare for a wedding the following day.

“Tomorrow!” Mrs. Heywood exclaimed. “Such and odd day! A leap day during Lent! And what about all our preparations! And what of your father and your brothers and sisters, don’t you want them at your wedding. I mean, can’t it wait till he gets back?!”

“He suggested it, but I do not wish to wait, mama.” Charlotte replied.

Mrs. Heywood looked at her and all of a sudden she widened her eyes and look at Charlotte with some horror. “What are you trying to tell me dear? Have you…” she swallowed “have you lost…I knew it! He’s always touching you whenever he has the opportunity to do so!”

Charlotte looked at her in shock. “Mama! Please! I haven’t lost my… my integrity if that’s what you think! I merely wish to accompany the man that I love on his journey, give him my support in a rather difficult quest and I wish to do that as his wife! I do not understand what’s the scandal in that.” She responded offendedly.

Her mother got little chance to respond. There was a knock on the door and Georgiana was let in by the maid. “Georgiana!” Charlotte exclaimed.

“Well Charlotte, your forgiving nature quite amazes me.” Georgiana said with a smirk. “I would have thought you’d throw Sidney out after he told you he had fathered a daughter with a slave in Antigua.” She ignored Charlotte’s raised eyebrows and warning eyes.

“A daughter! With a slave?” Mrs. Heywood exclaimed

“Are you telling me Mr. Parker is an infidel and has a bastard child! With a slave?” she shouted in shock. “Oh Charlotte, I think you are making a big mistake! You must break of your engagement immediately. You do not want to be married to man like that! I won’t let you get through with it. Your father would never consent to it.”

Charlotte stared at Georgiana rather angrily. “I thought you would have informed her. Your mother was going to find out sooner or later.” the latter apologised.

“Indeed, it was quite right of you to come forward Mrs. Molyneux.” Mrs. Heywood replied.

Charlotte sighed. “Please! I know Mr. Parker is not perfect, that’s he’s made errors in the past, but he’s taking responsibility for it. And yes, I am shocked myself, but I am not going to abandon him. I want to support him, I’ll try to be a mother for his daughter. And I am going through with it, with or without your help. I am of age, I do not need you consent, but I would like your blessing, mama. At least I know my husband’s faults _before_ I get married, unlike others.”

“You plan to take care of his child?’ Georgiana asked in amazement and somewhat emotional.

“Well, after his dealings with you, I thought it would be rather cruel to her to leave it to him alone. And he needs to be kept out of new mischief!” Charlotte explained dryly.

Georgiana laughed out loud and hugged Charlotte again: “Oh, Sidney is indeed getting the best woman in the world! You do not plan to make life easy for him, do you?”

“Indeed I am not, at least if he plans to go astray once more.” Charlotte stated stubbornly.

Mrs. Heywood merely buried her face in hands, not knowing what to make of it, but she doubted whether she would ever again find another marriage candidate for Charlotte, considering her daughter’s rather shameless nature and decided it might indeed be best if Charlotte was married off as soon as possible.

She went down to discuss the matter with her brother-in-law. He listened to her concerns. His shock at Charlotte’s willingness to take care of the child seemed to be greater than the shock of Sidney Parker having a bastard child with a slave. But he saw the advantages of marrying before Sidney stepped on the boat to Antigua. Reassuringly he said to his sister-in-law. “He may be a rogue, but there’s a good chance he might not return from the West Indies at all, and then the best thing is to have Charlotte settled. If anything unfortunate happens to him, she might still be his fortunate widow, I believe he has taken a good life insurance that will leave her well provided for. If they do not marry and he stays away very long or never returns at all, she’ll have nothing and her prospects will diminish, albeit Roger might still be persuaded to propose to her. ” Mrs. Heywood raised her eyebrows at such opportunism of her brother-in-law, who continued: “But I would like Mr. Parker to make some provision, since he may have an heir other than Charlotte and their prospective children. I will start drawing up a prenuptial contract right now.” Mr. Heywood added.

Mrs. Heywood walked up to Charlotte, informing her of her uncle’s intent. Charlotte grumbled at the idea of her uncle being set upon securing Sidney’s fortunes for her. As they were late for the dress maker and the poor seamstress would need to finish the dress that afternoon, Charlotte set off with her mother and Georgiana in Georgiana’s carriage leaving instructions to the housekeeper on packing Charlotte’s items and sending them off to Sidney’s house in Bedford Place, apart from a few items she would need for the night.


	2. Organising a wedding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sidney tries to arrange that Charlotte and he can be married before he has to leave for Antigua, so she can come along. He encounters some obstacles, as he needs to deal with Eliza Campion's brother to get the necessary license. He gets help from a few good friends.

# 2\. Organising a wedding

Sidney went to his parish church to see his priest to purchase a common license and to schedule the wedding for the next morning. However, when he arrived, he heard from the parish assistant his priest had just passed away and there was no replacement yet. Sidney sighed. If they could hurry to Willingden the same day, John Heywood, Charlotte’s uncle and vicar, could give them the common marriage license and wed them. But they were not likely to reach Willingden before nightfall, especially since a bridge on the way had collapsed and a significant detour needed to be made. He remembered how bad the roads to Willingden had been in January. Now at the of February, when more snow was melting and the water in the rivers was high, it would be even worse, with landslides breaking up the roads on the hills or being washed away. Maybe they would not even reach the hamlet before the evening the next day or even the next. And they would have to pack everything they needed to take to Antigua first and bring it along. There would be no time to go back to London before they would have to travel to Portsmouth. And the road from Willingden to Portsmouth might be just as bad. The risk of not getting to Portsmouth in time was great. 

There was only one other option, however slim, and he would need a peer’s assistance. After writing a note to Mrs. Heywood and getting at least a written confirmation from the parish assistant that the bans had been put up in his parish church three consecutive Sundays without anybody declaring an impediment, he ordered his carriage to go to the Babington’s House and ask Lord Babington help in getting a special license rather than a common one. Despite the cost and needing the assistance of a peer there was another obstacle: he realised that the archbishop’s chancellor who would have to issue the licence, was in fact Eliza Campion’s brother and that given the distorted relationship with that family, he might meet some difficulty.

He had already alerted Lord Babington of his intent to call on him later that day because of some ‘urgent business’ so his friend was expecting him and when Sidney came into the house, he refrained from taking his coat off.

“What is the matter?” Babington asked curiously, seeing his friend in some distress. “I’ll explain later.” Sidney replied. “But right now, I have a favour to ask and that I need you to pull some strings for me to get a special marriage license within the next twenty-four hours.”

“What’s the rush, I mean your wedding is set just six weeks from now. Are you in trouble?” Lord Babington asked somewhat mischievously.

“I just need to go to Antigua as quickly as possible. In fact I’m sailing from Portsmouth next Friday.”

“And you want to secure her before you leave?” Babington asked.

‘Well, I suggested postponing the marriage till after my return and give her the opportunity to reconsider. I expected her to have doubts after I told her the reason why I have to go there. But she insists on marrying straight away and coming with me.”

“She’s not letting you get away, is she?” Lord Babington laughed “She know too well how the thought of marriage scares you. I can imagine her impatience. You have been quite inconsistent and I know what it is like to want to marry someone who is rather whimsical in nature.”

Sidney frowned: “Indeed she accused me of having cold feet…I don’t, I can’t wait for her to be my wife, I just having trouble believing it’s really happening this time…”

Lord Babington patted him on the shoulder: “Stop agonizing yourself. If I can think of one man who deserves such happiness as to marry the woman he loves..”

Sidney smiled at him, his eyes moist. He tried to recover himself before becoming too melancholic and continued his story: “Now the trouble is that the one man I depend on to give us that license happens to be Mrs. Campion’s brother.”

“I see your problem. Well, I think I know who to call on to give him a nudge, although getting access to my friend is a bit more difficult now that he is succeeding his father.” Babington replied. “Now tell me more while we get a head on.” As they went outside and stepped into the coach.

Sidney told him the whole story.

“I can see now why you expected her to call it off… “Babington said “She must be seeing you into a different light now. I mean you’re no worse than most gentlemen, but we don’t need the ladies to know that. She must have given you a good whipping!”

Sidney, picturing the whipping of slaves he had witnessed, and remembering Charlotte’s reproof when she witnessed him being identified in Beecroft’s brothel smiled cynically. “She should. But she’s not ignorant to my history. She’s already seen a side of me I would rather have concealed from her.”

“Yes, you told us. But you know: she will see that part of on your wedding night.” Babington bantered slyly, referring to Charlotte having seen Sidney walk out of the water in the cove.

“Ah yes.” Sidney replied a little embarrassed, “yes, she seen that physical side too.”

“And yet she did not reject you! Does she have amnesia or was _that_ what stirred her interest in you?” Babington teased his friend. “I mean, it is quite unfair that’s she’s had a good look at _you_ , but you will just have to wait and see what _you_ get.”

“Careful what you say about my future wife, old friend!” Sidney said grimly.

“I’m sure she’s had no opportunity to compare” Lord Babington said apologetically “Unlike yourself.”

“Yes, that is a bit unfair to her.” Sidney mumbled

“She must be _grateful_ , my friend. Less chance of you hurting her because you don’t know what to do on your wedding night.” Lord Babington laughed. “Now she gets the finest stallion from the stable, if I may believe certain ‘ladies’.”

“Well, ‘grateful’ was not her reaction when she discovered I was quite familiar with the merchandise near Drury lane, and I don’t mean the theatre tickets.” Sidney sighed

“I may hope _she_ is not familiar with the merchandise in the alleys near Drury Lane!” Babington exclaimed.

Sidney kept silent, not wanting to expose Charlotte having been inside a brothel. “She saw and heard things when we were searching for Georgiana together last summer.” he merely replied.

Babington looked a little shocked.

“You should have married her right _then_ to rescue her reputation. Traveling without a lady chaperone, with _you_ of all people… in the _worst_ part of London?”

“Maybe I should have.” Sidney mumbled “but that would have been a futile effort. She had given me quite a mouth washing about all my mistakes. And I was quite angry with her myself….she had made it quite clear the I was the worst sort of man and when someone mistook her for my wife, she was quite disgusted with the idea.”

Babington laughed at loud “Really! What made her change her mind?! Did her tongue like the taste of you?”

Sidney looked at him angrily: “Again, I warn you, no jokes about Charlotte’s virtue! I wouldn’t want to tell Lady Babington I killed her husband in a duel!”

“Well, you asked for my help, you’ll just have to repay with your dignity. ‘Lord Babington said impishly.

“You can have _my_ dignity, or what’s left of it, not hers.” Sidney reacted firmly and irritated.

“I’m sorry, I meant no offense. You know I respect Miss Heywood.” Babington apologised. “But I’m a little surprised, since she seemed quite partial to you when she was with you in London, at the ball at least. Again: what made her change her mind?”

“I guess I took her words to heart and showed her a different Sidney Parker.” Sidney said in a calmer tone.

“And which one is she marrying, may I ask?” Babington kept bantering.

Sidney gave him an angry look again. “Let’s make sure she doesn’t ask that same question before the event has taken place. Shall we?”

They stopped as they approached the royal residence. A lady’s carriage was waiting in front of the entrance. As Sidney and Lord Babington waited for it to leave, they saw Lady Worcester being let out of Carlton House. She walked in their direction. “Lord Babington, Mr. Parker. How good to see you. Mr. Parker, might I congratulate on your upcoming nuptials.” She said politely.

“Indeed milady.”

“I understand you and Miss Heywood are rather in a rush.” she smiled amused. He nodded, looking rather puzzled at where she got the information. “Well, if you do not mind my intrusion, I have set some things in motion for you.”

Sidney looked at her in surprise.

“How…”

“Charlotte wrote to me. And now, if you will be so good as to take this note to the archbishop’s office yourself and get the licence, I will take care of a proper ceremony and celebration for you.”

Sidney was astonished. “Thank you milady. You are too kind.”

“The pleasure is all mine.” she replied. “And since you’re marrying my dear friend Charlotte, I insist you call me Susan from now on”

She stepped in to her carriage and as it drove off, Lord Babington remarked: “I believe she really means that. She’s made a project out of the two of you and she’d hate to see it ruined. She knows how to get what she wants.” He laughed. “Well then, we can set off to the archbishop’s office now.”

The visit to the archbishop’s office was rather torturous. The chancellor, having a grudge against Sidney for having slighted his sister Eliza, was rather unwilling to receive him and kept him waiting for more than an hour. Fortunately, a courier brought him the statements he had demanded from Charlotte’s mother and uncle, asserting Charlotte to be unwed and that the bans had been posted in Willingden. Only after Lord Babington mentioned to the clerk that they had a letter from the head of the Church himself, Sidney was summoned in, alone. And the man just sat there for a long time, pretending to be busy before he quite grumpily looked at Sidney and said:

“Well Mr. Parker, I gather you have not quite wasted your time since you quite rudely tricked my sister into breaking off your engagement. I gather you have gotten over it quite soon and are now in a hurry to marry some other girl.” Sidney kept silent, trying to control his rage. “May I ask what the reason is for your haste?” the chancellor continued “Have you gotten the girl in trouble somehow? How ironic that you should accuse my sister of being unfaithful and that six weeks later you are in a rush to marry someone else. Might it be that your own fidelity was somewhat wanting?”

Sidney clenched his fist and replied with an irritated, but calm voice: “Sir, I’m sorry if I have in any way injured Mrs. Campions feelings or that she felt I accused her of something. I merely suggested that she might be happier with someone else and convinced her I was unable to make her happy myself.”

“You abused her in the most derogatory way.” the chancellor sneered “She waited over a decade to be reunited with you. You agree to marry her, she tries to help you save your family from ruin and all you give her back is tears. She believed you loved her, but you were only after her money. And as soon as you didn’t need it anymore you found some excuse to accuse her of having another lover. And I’m quite certain you and this Miss Heywood were involved with each other the whole time. Your revenge must taste rather sweet. ”

“I’m sorry if Mrs. Campion got hurt.” Sidney said in a soft tone. “It was not my intention. But might I remind you that she did not ‘wait’ for me. We could have married ten years ago. It was _she_ who decided to marry Mr. Campion for his money and I can remember your family quite supported that decision. I have spent ten years pining for her, never even considering marrying someone else…” he said in a bitter tone. “And when I found her again this summer and once again available, it confused me. For a moment I thought our moment had come and we could be happy together. But we were wrong to think that we could take off where we had parted. I am grateful that she tried to help my family financially, but it felt wrong. We would be unhappy together. I am no longer the same person as I was ten years ago and Eliza was no longer the girl I loved then….I wish her every happiness, but I cannot provide it myself. I believe she’s better off without me.” He said softly.

The chancellor looked at him a little appeased.

“Well, Mr. Parker, I’m glad you have _some_ considerations for my sister’s happiness. And you might want to know that Eliza’s motives to marry Mr. Campion are not as vulgar as you put them. If she hadn’t, it would have been our family’s ruin… I guess you’ve had a taste of that dilemma yourself now. ”

Sidney nodded and sighed. “Yes, I can understand Eliza’s decision better now.”

“Now, what of this Miss Heywood and your rush to marry her. I doubt your connection with her came falling out of the sky recently? ”

Sidney sighed, a little irritated. “No, I have met Miss Heywood some ten months ago. As you might know she was a guest of my brother’s family. I admit my affection for her is not entirely new, that I have been struggling between my feelings for Eliza and for Miss Heywood. I’ve hurt both women terribly in the process, but I can assure you we’ve had no improper relations while I was engaged to Eliza, or after that.”

“Well, Miss Heywood must be very worthy if you’re giving up half a million pounds for her.” the chancellor said with some astonishment.

Sidney merely smiled. “She is. And even more so for being willing to accompany me to Antigua on some urgent and delicate business as my wife. That is the reason why I’m here.”

“Well, I understand you have some powerful friends that are supportive of your union.” The chancellor answered as he drew a piece of paper, filled in the blanks, put his stamp on it and handed it to Sidney.

“Here’s your license and I gather you’ll have your wedding tomorrow at Lady Worcester’s House at three o’clock in the afternoon. I’m glad we’ve had our little talk and I wish you and Miss Heywood the best.”

Sidney smiled amused at hearing the wedding location. “Thank you! And I hope Mrs. Campion’s union with Sir Edward Denham will bring her and your family much happiness as well. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a lot of arrangements to make. Good day, sir.”

They shook hands and Sidney left the office. As he closed the door behind him, Sidney held up the paper in gesture for Lord Babington.

“You’ve got the license. Thank God! I thought he was going to keep you locked in there forever.” Lord Babington sighed relieved.

“For a moment I thought so too. He had not quite forgiven me for how I treated Eliza, neither you for your role in it. But I’ve been able to convince him that going through with the wedding would not have been in her interest. And that she might be better off with someone else.” Babington patted his shoulder. “Now apparently Charlotte and I are to wed at Lady Worcester’s House rather than in church.” Sidney said with much amusement.

“Well, we better get you ready then and celebrate your last day of freedom tonight.” Lord Babington grinned.

“Thank you Babington, but I’ll settle for some hot chocolate and a good night’s sleep. There’s quite a lot to be prepared at home for the new Mrs. Parker and the journey to Antigua. ”

“Come on, you must at least sow your last wild oats before your wedding night. I mean you don’t want to explode on your wedding night. You’ll destroy her. You must take care to be patient with a maiden.” Babington argued with an amused smile.

“Is that what happened on your wedding night?” Sidney retorted, a little annoyed.

“Touché” Babington replied.

“Now if you have any advice concerning the _non-_ physical part of marriage, based on you short experience of it, I might be prepared to take it to heart.” Sidney smirked.

“Well should she be expecting your child and get cross with you, don’t take her serious. I mean Lady Babington has been quite abusive and angry with me for putting her in the state she is now, and at other times she is appears to be quite fond of me. ” Babington laughed.

“Well, that _too_ pertains to the physical part of marriage.” Sidney followed “but I’m happy to hear Lady Babington is giving you a hard time.” he grinned.

“Well, you better watch out, Parker, you might have yourself a houseful rather quickly, I mean Miss Heywood has eleven siblings herself….” Sidney could only smile at the prospect.

After dropping off Lord Babington, Sidney returned to Charlotte’s uncle’s house. She was still out fitting her clothes, and a little disappointed in not seeing her, he left a message with the time and place of the wedding the next day. He negotiated with her uncle about the prenuptial agreement and had the trunks the maids had packed loaded onto his coach and went home again to face his agitated housekeeper. Later he went to see his assistant at the warehouse for instructions during his absence and arrange his other business affairs.


	3. Instructions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mrs. Heywood prepares Charlotte for her wedding night.

# 3\. Instructions

That evening in her uncle’s house, Charlotte took a bath. Mrs. Heywood sat next to her, washing Charlotte’s hair herself. On a hanger was hanging Charlotte dress for the following day, a cream coloured silk gown with a light blue bodice. Modest lacing had been attached on the edges of the sleeves. They had meant to adorn it with some more ribbons, lace, pearls and embroidery of gold thread, but there was no more time now that the wedding had been moved forward. The dress maker had already had a hard time finishing the dress as it was. It was Sidney who had suggested she should wear something light blue, he loved that colour on her, symbolising innocence and purity. She had worn a light blue pelisse when she first caught his eye, and she had worn light blue cardigans at the cricket match and at the regatta and of course there was the light blue ball gown she had worn when he meant to propose to her the first time.

When Charlotte had changed in her night shift and sat on the bed, Mrs. Heywood took her hand and sat beside her.

“Well Charlotte, it is your last night as an unmarried woman. Tomorrow is your big day and you will go home with Mr. Parker as his wife….now I need to prepare you for what is to come, because I trust that up until now you’ve seen little of what passes on between husband and wife when they are alone in their bedroom.”

Charlotte gave her mother a short glance and then nervously stared at her feet.

“I see this is making you uncomfortable. That is good, nothing to be ashamed off, quite the contrary….Now what I will tell you make shock you a little, but it is my duty to prepare you for your wedding night…”

Mrs. Heywood nervously fiddled with the skirt of her gown and after a pensive silence she started with a stammer: “ Dear girl, tomorrow night, after you have been legally and spiritually united as husband and wife in church, what will follow is the consummation of your marriage through a physical union…” Mrs. Heywood paused. “What will happen is that your husband will come to lie with you in your bed… that may not come as a surprise…and he will lie very close to you….he will try to place himself on top of you. That is his right as your husband; and whether you like it or not, it is your conjugal duty to allow him to make that physical connection with you…. Now I must warn you, it can be a bit uncomfortable, especially the first time. You might also find some pleasantness in the procedure, but try not to show it. A lady must not come across as too eager, not even in marriage, it might repulse him…”

Charlotte looked a bit anxious, and kept silent. Mrs. Heywood continued: “ Mr. Parker seems rather a passionate, vigorous man. I hope he will be gentle with you, but however you experience it, do not resist. That would only make it worse. It is a sacred act and it’s God’s will that you let him plant his seed in you, so that you might conceive and have his children. But if you like it…you might not want to encourage it too much… if you are as fertile as your mother, you might have more children than is prudent. I love each one of you very much, but the first twenty-five years of my marriage with your father I have either had a child in my womb or I was suckling one and the cost to my body and our finances have been severe. Only these past five years I have been given some rest.”

Charlotte nodded a little uneasy and stayed silent for a moment “Will it be big?” she asked carefully after a while.

Her mother looked a bit startled. “The seed I mean.” Charlotte clarified herself “Like a walnut for example?”

Mrs. Heywood smiled, looking a bit more reassured. “No, it is rather small. Now, do not think too much about it and try to get a good night’s sleep. You might sleep very little on your wedding night.”

“And how will I know I have conceived?” Charlotte asked.

“You’ll know when you miss your monthly bleeding. And you might experience some changes to your body.” her mother explained.

Charlotte nodded pensively and lied down under the blanket. Mrs. Heywood washed herself and changed into her own night shift and laid herself down next to Charlotte. As Charlotte curled up, Mrs. Heywood put her arm around Charlotte. Before she blew out the candle she looked at Charlotte’s face and closed eyes and remembered the first time she had had Charlotte in her arms, her first girl, put there by the midwife. She wondered at and how fast time had passed. Tomorrow this baby girl would get married and, God willing, she would carry her own child in her womb in a short while. She felt a little tear run down her face.


	4. The Happy Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlotte and Sidney get married. Sidney has an unusal request for the priest. There are some unexpected guests and some eye rolls.

#  _4._ _The Happy Day_

The next morning when Charlotte woke up, the first thing she saw was her wedding gown. She smiled. She had had trouble getting to sleep after her mother’s words, but after her mother had started stroking her hair reassuringly she had slept like a little child. Now it felt like butterflies were fluttering in her abdomen. After breakfast, where her uncle had some more stern words to say about the obligation to obey and be faithful to her husband, which he felt was his duty as her uncle now that her father could not be present. It was the only thing she regretted: not being able to say farewell to her father and all of her siblings, besides William, who would be giving her away in their father’s absence. Then Georgiana came with her lady’s maid to help Charlotte get ready for the ceremony.

After lunch, Charlotte was helped into Georgiana’s carriage and the ladies set off for Lady Worcester’s House at the other side of town. Another coach followed with the men of the house. Lady Worcester’s parlour had been rearranged to accommodate the rows of chairs. Orchids from her ladyship’s own greenhouse decorated the room. Charlotte was delighted with the sight when she walked in on William’s arm. If they had married in church the flowers would have been forbidden because of Lent. To her great surprise, not only Arthur and Diana were there to represent the Parker family, but Tom and Mary and Mr. And Mrs. Stringer were present as well. But the most beautiful thing for Charlotte was Sidney, waiting for her at the other end of the room in a cream coloured costume and light blue waist coat, matching her dress, and warmly gazing at her. As soon as their eyes locked they kept staring at each other with radiant smiles. When Sidney was asked to repeat the vicar’s words he hardly seemed to hear him. To everybody’s suspense he kept silent for a while. The priest coughed to attract his attention and the attendants laughed as Sidney wakened from his hypnosis and the vicar had to repeat his question.

And when Charlotte was asked to promise to honour and obey Sidney, it was Sidney’s turn to cough and he whispered to the priest: “I can’t have her promise that. I need her to go against me and help me stay out of evil.” The priest raised his eyebrows. He paused for a while and decided to rephrase: “Wilt thou obey him (unless he directs you to do otherwise), and serve him, love, honour, and keep him in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all other, keep thee only unto him, so long as ye both shall live?”

Charlotte smiled at Sidney with a mixture of mischief and gratefulness. “I will” she said. Mrs. Heywood, sitting in front, shook her head, and rolled her eyes, wondering what good was to come of it while William handed his sister to the priest, and they were directed to do the dance of the hands and said their vows. And when the vicar finally announced them to be husband and wife, Charlotte could not help sheading a small tear out of happiness. Sidney squeezed her hands really tight, trying to control his urge to swallow her up and kiss her, while Charlotte received her wedding lines.

After the ceremony they celebrated in the adjoining dining room. Mary, who had been rushing to town with Tom and the Stringers that same morning- they had barely had time to change their dress- after a messenger had notified them of the upcoming wedding, hugged Charlotte with tears of joy in her eyes. “I am so happy to have you as my sister now, Charlotte.” she said. “When you came to stay with us last Spring, I kind of hoped that you would be able to love Sidney and make him smile again. Now, you’ve done so much more than that. I see he has improved himself and he’s glowing with love for you. I thank you for taking care of his injured heart. I’m only sorry you got burnt yourself in the process. I can only admire you in your capability for forgive him his mistakes.” She gave Sidney a hug a well: “I am glad you no longer look down on our sex and have found your best self again.”

Then it was Tom’s turn to congratulate them: “I’ve always known the two of you would make a good match. I fact, I think it was my suggesting it to Sidney that set it all about.”

Charlotte was a little perplex and Sidney forced a smile. Mary, standing next her husband rolled her eyes. “I hope your forgiveness may include my Tom as well, Charlotte. I must apologise for his oblivion.” she whispered.

And with a smile Charlotte replied to Tom “Indeed, you pointed out Sidney’s merits to me.”

Tom, proud of the part he thought he had played in their union walked on, while Sidney looked as his wife with tender curiosity. “What in heaven’s name has he said about me?” he asked in a whisper.

“That your good qualities were slow to reveal themselves. That you were a conundrum to be solved. Like anchovies paste: too peppery at first, but then rather habituating…. He was right.” She smiled lovingly.

He wanted to kiss her, but the Stringers came to them next. Allison, quite elated, put her arms around Charlotte. And Mr. Stringer, looking meaningfully at Sidney, congratulated him with ‘His prize, worth more than half a million pounds’. “Now I hope you do your upmost best to guard that treasure, and I hope you can forgive me for my previous enmity. I only had Charlotte’s best interest at heart.”

Sidney patted him on the shoulder. “Thank you for protecting Charlotte when you did.” Sidney replied “And I thank you even more for not running away with my treasure!’ he whispered in Mr. Stringer’s ears, grinning triumphantly.

“Well I found myself an even greater treasure.” Mr. Stringer replied while looking at Allison with great love. “Like the saying, speaking is silver, silence is gold, and I struck gold.”

“Well, you can keep your gold, however special, I prefer Charlotte’s silver speech.” Sidney smiled.

“But if he’s hurting you again, you can still count on me, sister.” James Stringer said to Charlotte.

She smiled, looking up at Sidney with a warm glance “Thank you, brother. I don’t think Mr. Parker will ever hurt me again.” and then adding with a mischievous smile: “Mr. Parker knows now I can handle a rifle pretty well.” Sidney looked down at her with something of a scare in his eye, while the others laughed out loud.

Her uncle and cousin Roger were standing right behind. And with a stern face her uncle whispered to Roger: “Well, with his behaviour, she has a large chance of becoming quite the wealthy widow. She would be able to remarry with someone with a more respectable trade.” giving him a meaningful look. “Perhaps, father, but personally I prefer unused goods.” Roger whispered back with a sneer. They congratulated the couple with the most artificial smiles possible and the couple smirked back at them.

Charlotte rolled her eyes and whispered to Sidney: “You must regret our marriage already!”

“On the contrary, dear, I’m quite proud of myself for saving you from them.” Sidney whispered back with a satisfied smile.

In the evening, after all the guests and lavishly drunken and eaten despite the fasting period, Charlotte and Sidney said their goodbyes. Mrs. Heywood, quite in tears, pressed Charlotte in a whisper to write her in the morning and again before they boarded to reassure that Charlotte was all right. “If you should regret your decision to join him on the journey to Antigua, just let me know and we might persuade him to leave you here in England.” she whispered.

Charlotte gave her a hug: “I don’t think so mother. I cannot imagine ever wanting to part from him. He’s my other half, I cannot feel myself in one piece without him ever again.” She said warmly while glancing at Sidney.

Sidney, overhearing them, laid his arm around Charlotte’s waist. “The same counts for me… and I’m quite a hopeless sinner if she’s not there to correct and improve me.” He added softly. “Do not worry ma’am, or mother, as I should call you now. Charlotte is at least as precious to me as she is to you.” Mrs. Heywood nervously wrung her hands, then hesitatingly gave him a hug. “Well take care of her, son. And I hope you can forgive me for having failed in correcting her cross nature.”

Charlotte turned her eyes to the floor in embarrassment.

“I am not forgiving you, ma’am, I am grateful, it is her greatest accomplishment.” Sidney said, while pulling Charlotte close after his mother-in-law let go of him.

They thanked Lady Worcester for her efforts in organising their wedding: “and not just for today” Sidney added meaningfully. He helped Charlotte in de coach, and they waved as they drove off. When out of sight, in the darkness of the carriage he drew her closer. Charlotte dropped a tear in emotion. Happy for being with Sidney, sad for leaving her friends and relatives for a long time and not having her dear father present at the wedding and slightly nervous and excited about starting her new life with Sidney. In the little moonlight that shone inside the carriage he saw it sliding down her cheek and softly caught it with his lips. He pulled her on his lap. “You’ll see them again, I promise. And meanwhile I’ll try to make you the happiest woman in the world.” he whispered in her ear, then softly rubbing his nose to it. She smiled. And they just sat there in silence, only trying to catch each other’s eyes and lips.


	5. The Wedding Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A detailed account of Charlotte and Sidney's wedding night...

# 5\. Wedding night

Arriving at Bedford Place, the door opened and the servants came out as Sidney helped Charlotte step down from the coach. They walked up the steps before Sidney lifted her over the threshold. In the hallway she was officially introduced to the servants. She shook the hand of Mrs. Jenkins, the housekeeper and apologised for giving her so little time to prepare for her arrival. Mrs. Jenkins’s face softened, denying having had any problems with the organisation.

Charlotte was given a small glass of berry wine and some fruit cake as a welcome, after which Mrs. Jenkins and a maid followed the couple upstairs. Charlotte was shown to Georgiana’s old room. “I had wished to have your room redecorated before the wedding, but the workers could not get it done so quickly.” Sidney apologised. “You’ll have to wait till our return, tonight you’ll have to sleep here.”

“Oh Sidney, you don’t have redecorate for me! What an expense!” Charlotte said in surprise. “No, but I want to.” he said warmly. “Now, I’ll leave you alone for a few minutes. Mrs. Jenkins and Lucy here have unpacked your belongings, except for what you’ll take with you to Antigua. And they will help you get ready for bed.” He looked Charlotte in the eyes hungrily. Charlotte blushed, a little nervous, while Mrs. Jenkins had her sit down in front of the dressing table. Sidney and Charlotte looked at each other in the mirror while Mrs. Jenkins started to loosen Charlotte’s hairpins. Charlotte saw the desire in his eyes and how he forcibly turned around with his hands behind his back.

After she was washed, her hair brushed, braided and put in her new cap, she put on her new bed shift of white cotton with satin winds at the front and a little lace at the edges and her new bed jacket “It might get stained a little.” her mother had said. “But that will only confirm your good virtue.”

On her dressing table was a small gift box with her name on it. She told Mrs. Jenkins and Lucy, the maid, that they were excused. She opened the box and saw it contained a small bottle of rose-scented perfume. She applied a little to her wrists and behind her ears. She sat before the mirror, examining her own appearance and pulled some faces to decide how she would face him. She was nervous, thought of her mother’s warnings that what would come might be unpleasant. At the same time she was excited and impatient to see Sidney again. She felt the strong berry wine and liquor from the fruit cake was gradually intoxicating her a bit. Still the knock on the door startled her.

She turned the knob, peeked around the door and saw him in his robe. The light from the candle flickered in his eyes. The scent of his Eau de Cologne prickled her nose. With a warm, coarse voice he whispered: “Do I have permission to come in?”

She smiled, shyly looking away. “You very well know it is your right to come in and you don’t need my permission…”she said as she let him in.

He closed the door behind him. She stood before him, shivering a little. He softly swept a lock of hair from her face, caressed her cheek. Looking her in the eye he said with soft voice “I should like to know I have your permission.” He kissed her. She smiled a little humbled and reassured, clenching her fist a little in excitement. “If this is too soon, if you’re not ready to share the bed with me, just say so… we can take our time, I won’t force you.” he said tenderly.

She relaxed a little. “No, it’s okay, you can stay.” she said “I’m just a little nervous.”

He nodded he understood. “I’ll try to be as gentle as I can.” He put down the candle on the dresser and gently put his hands on her upper arms, stroked her face for a while with his right hand, then directed his lips towards hers. He pulled off her cap, so her braid hung over one shoulder. Then she burst out in nervous laughter. He looked at her quite startled and anxious. “Mrs. Parker! Lesson number one: if your husband is about to bed you, do not laugh at him, or you might cause some mechanical failure!” he said with some playful annoyance. “You are making _me_ nervous right now.”

“I’m sorry” she said, supressing another giggle. “I was just thinking how amusing it is that I should have seen you without your clothes once, but you have no idea what I might look like.”

He chuckled, glad that she was feeling more at ease. “Yes, let’s mend that, shall we.” he said friskily. “And apparently that experience hasn’t stopped you from marrying me. Did you like what you saw?” he teased her.

“I…didn’t take a very good look.” She stammered, feeling her face flush. “I’d never seen a man without his clothes.”

He smiled warmly “No, of course you didn’t.” he said, putting his lips to her ear and nibbling it.

“Well, apart from my brothers when they were little and I bathed them. And all the paintings and Greek statues in some of the galleries I saw, the men are not fully dressed…” she nervously ranted. “Though I only saw them from afar, as I was not allowed inside the rooms where they were exhibited.”

“Well, you have _some_ knowledge of my anatomy then… Now if you’ll permit me, I would like to do a little visual inspection of my own and see what you have in store for me…” he mumbled. “May I unwrap my present?” he asked, while carefully starting to untie the ribbon that closed her bed jacket. She nodded and he slowly started pulling it off and placing his hands softly on her night shift, folding his hands around her bosom. She quivered, from cold or excitement, she couldn’t tell, as he started to pull on the windings, exposing her breasts. He looked at them in admiration. He lifted up the hem of her shift, exposing her legs, her thighs, her belly and pulled it over her head, taking a step back to admire her body in the candle light.

Shyly she folded her arms in front of her body and shivered, as the fire in the fire place was slowly extinguishing. “Will it do?” she asked a little insecure. He smiled, softly stroking his hand from her neck down while drawing her more closely to his body with his other arm. “It will do very well.” he answered. She shivered some more. “Now, let’s keep you warm, shall we?” he said. He gently pushed her backwards in the direction of the bed with his body. He pulled back the blankets with his right arm before lifting her legs up and laying her down. He undid his robe and climbed beside her in his night shift. She felt his lips examining her ears, her neck, slowly moving down. While he gently held her head in one hand, she felt the other slowly moving up from her calves to her knees, her thighs. For a moment, she froze, overwhelmed by the sensations she was feeling. She had never felt so out of control of her body, squirming as it did, spasms going through her abdomen, her quick inhalation. Being trained for restraint she felt uneasy at the spontaneous responses of her own body to his touch. He stopped for a moment, looking in her eyes. She remembered what her mother had said: “do not resist, don’t be eager.” She felt confused. She felt a longing for him stronger than she had ever felt before, like she wanted to swallow him up her body. At the same time she was hesitant to give in. He panted in her ear, whispering: “Do you want me to stop?” She felt a new wave of desire running from between her legs. She relaxed her muscles again “No” she said. “I don’t want you to stop.”

He moved closer to her, so she could feel his legs slowly entangling hers. She gasped as she felt his genitals pressing and rubbing against hers through the thin cloth of his night shirt. She clutched the bedsheets, trying to give outlet to sensations more wonderous than anything she had ever experienced, wondering why her mother would warn her that it might hurt. She felt his breath in her ear while he shifted up his shirt and gently turned her on her back and tried to place himself on top of her. She felt how he slowly tried to push her legs apart with his own. Again the muscles in her legs tensed.

He looked at the anxious and insecure expression on her face. “Shh, it’s all right.” he whispered reassuringly. “Marry me, marry me fully, relax, I’ll be gentle…just move your legs apart a little when you’re ready for me…” She didn’t really understand what he was trying to do, but she caught her breath for a moment before she relaxed her muscles again and complied with his request. She never felt more vulnerable than when she felt him gently pushing her legs apart further and carefully searching for an opening. Yet she felt her desire for him was infinitive and permitted him access to that inner shrine where all human life originates to perform his worship. She held her breath as she felt him slowly slide into her body, she contracted her muscles again to stop him for a moment, then slowly relaxing and allowing him to push a little deeper. She supressed a short shriek as she felt a little pang. He whispered she should put her arms around his waist. She obeyed.

She didn’t know whether to ask him to stop or continue when he started to move rhythmically inside her, slow at first and then speeding up. She simply focused her gaze on the flickering of the candle light on the bed ceiling while trying to control her own breath and trying to comprehend her own sensations as parts inside her body she had not been aware existed were nudged and teased. Then she felt him tremoring, exclaiming a short cry, calling for God and then coming to a full stop and resting his head of her chest with his eyes closed. A warm fluid was filling her on the inside. Believing he had had a heart attack or injured himself somehow, she screamed: “Sidney! Sidney! Are you all right? Do I need to call for a doctor?” she asked him in panic. He raised his chest in surprise, looked at her in wonder. He chuckled, tried to hide his laughter. “No I do not need a doctor, I have never felt better.” he responded, quite amused. “Do you?”.

She felt he was laughing at her lack of experience. “Lesson number two, Mr. Sidney Theodore Parker!” she exclaimed “Do not laugh at your wife and her lack of experience sharing the bed with a man or you shall regret it!”

He looked at her with a satisfied smile: “I wouldn’t dare. And it’s one department where I don’t mind a little inexperience in my bride… Congratulations Mrs. Parker, we are now fully wed.” He kissed her, then he slowly pulled himself out of her and she felt some warm liquid flowing out of her. She froze, hoping Sidney hadn’t noticed her wetting the bed. “It is all right, it is normal.” he said reassuringly as he placed himself beside her. “That’s just my seed flowing over.”

She looked surprised. “I may very well have impregnated you just now.” He added with a big smile.

“Mama had said something about planting your seed in me, but I thought it would more like the seed of an apple, or a pear.” She mumbled a little wondered.

He supressed his laughter again, pinching his eyes a bit “Well, that would make it a lot less pleasurable on my part. I don’t think any man would ever want to try that, so humanity would kind of go extinct.”

She supressed a shy smile, mumbling: “And I thought you were going to plant it there.” she pointed at her belly button. Again she saw how he tried to supress his laughter, pressing his face in his pillow.

When he recovered from his fit of laughter, he stammered: “I thought you would know…I thought you would have a little more theoretical knowledge about marital relations…I mean you grew up on a farm. You must have known how the animals do it.”

She looked a little confounded. She felt stupid. “I have never thought about it…you must think me very ignorant.” she said.

He smiled at her endearingly. “Again, I’m only pleased with your innocence in these matters. I’m sorry if I took you by surprise…I hope it wasn’t too unpleasant for you?” he asked with an earnest face.

She turned to face him and pulled up her knees. She saw him flinch for a moment and he quickly pulled up his own knees a little. “Mrs. Parker…” he said with a tone of warning. “I know you have a habit of aiming at my most vulnerable organs when you’re cross with me. I know my heart has suffered enough, but might I warn you that if you would have pulled up your knee just a little bit faster and higher, you might have ruined our prospect of ever having children together. If this was a bad experience, please just say it in words. Shout at me if you will, I can take that a lot better.”

“I didn’t mean…I didn’t know ”she said a little anxious. “I will be careful, I promise.”

“It’s all right, no damage done.” he smiled “Now, be honest, how did you like it.” he asked her carefully, looking her in the eye.

“I…can’t tell really, I’m little too overwhelmed.” she said. “Some part of it felt…pleasant…but I can’t judge based on this first experience.”

“Wait!” he said teasingly “Are you telling me you’re for once not forming your opinion based on a short acquaintance?”

She poked him. “It is all so new and confusing, I was a little tense, I think we need to do it again before I can really say anything about it.”

He chuckled: “Do it again? Am I to learn that you plan to wear me out? If I had known you would be so demanding, I would have practised and trained more lately, for I’m quite out of shape. Ever since I met you no other woman has appealed to me…At least give me some time to recover. ”

Charlotte blushed “I ..did not mean to sound too eager.”

“Oh Charlotte, remember: you are not too anything for me.” reminding her of what he had said at the ball in London after they had rescued Georgiana. He kissed her and stroked her sides. He looked at her body in the little candle light that fell in between them.

“But I’ll want to examine you more closely with daylight.” He said, smiling naughtily. “Now, shall we put out the candles before we set the bed on fire?” He got up, handed Charlotte her bed shift and bed jacket in case she should be cold. When she had put them back on, he blew out the candles, stepped back in bed and drew the bedcurtains.

As he lay beside her again, Charlotte pulled him close to her body, stroking his hair. As he put one arm under her head, he started stroking her back with the other, slowly moving his hand down and started kissing her. He felt her hand touching his arm, carefully and hesitatingly moving down from his shoulder, to his elbow and hand. When she reached his fingers he gently caressed them, played with them. He wove his fingers between hers and carefully guided her hand to his lower body parts, ignoring her little giggles. When he had regained his strength and he felt her body was inviting his to reunite, he complied to her gestures. She was more relaxed this time, allowing herself to enjoy. And she felt more at ease, grasping his back, wrapping her legs around him and subtly directing his moves. After dancing the horizontal dance a few times more and having had every square inch of their bodies touched by the other’s hands or lips they finally fell asleep.


	6. Departure from London

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlotte and Sidney wake up after their wedding night. Charlotte worries Sidney is overspending on gifts for her. Mary gets angry with Sidney when she hears why they are leaving for Antigua.

# 6\. Departure from London

The room was pitch-black. Charlotte was dreaming of lying wrapped up in her mother’s arms as he had been the night before. When a knock on the door woke her up, for a moment she wondered how her mother’s arm got so muscular and hairy. Turning her face, she felt stubbles brushing her face. She was confused for a moment before she realised that where she was, was exactly where she wanted to be. She smiled as the fingers on her right hand fiddled a little with the ring on her left ring finger.

She reflected on the past night, her discovery of the pleasures of the physical part of married relations, her delight at her body being united with his. The comfort of sleeping in his arms, despite his sudden uneasiness while sleeping, when she felt him toss and tumble a little restless and heard him groan and yell. She had turned to face him, hushed away his nightmare, had run her fingers through his curly hair to console him till she heard his breath relax against her chest. He had pulled her even closer, wrapping his arm around her and she had kissed him in his sleep.

The knock became louder. Charlotte felt Sidney stirring. He pulled the covers over Charlotte and drew her a bit closer for a kiss, his lips carefully searching hers in the dark, before replying in the direction of the door: “You may come in, Mrs. Jenkins.” They heard Mrs. Jenkins walk in, carrying a tray with some breakfast and a candle. “Thank you, Mrs. Jenkins, you may put the tray on the dresser.” Sidney instructed his housekeeper from behind the bedcurtain. While putting the tray down as told and lighting the other candles and starting the fire, she said: “Mrs. Parker, with your permission, I will prepare a bath and return shortly to help you wash you myself.” she said. “Thank you Mrs. Jenkins, I would appreciate that.” Charlotte answered. After Mrs. Jenkins had left the room, Sidney pulled back the bed curtains and looked at Charlotte’s face, removing a lock of hair from her face.

“Good morning Mrs. Parker. How are you this morning?” he asked softly.

“Quite well.” she said with a shy smile. “and no snoring from you tonight, indeed.”

“Well maybe _I_ didn’t.” he said teasingly “But I heard a slight moaning from _you_.”

She blushed “I’m sorry if I kept you awake.”

“I’m teasing you.” he said “Well at least, you didn’t moan _while_ you were asleep, but quite a lot _before_ that.” he said has he kissed her. “You’ve kept me busy.” She blushed even more. “Now, I’m afraid if you want some more of that, it’ll have to wait. We must leave as soon as the first lights set in….Unless last night’s experience has made you change your mind and you would like to stay here in England, far away from me.” he said playfully.

“No.” Charlotte smiled.

“Are you sure? Because the berth on board will be quite narrow, even in first class, to prevent you rolling every other way when the sea gets rough. The journey takes at least six weeks and after Cape Verde, we won’t be making a stop for several weeks. You must put up with me for a long time in a small space, the cabin won’t be any larger than this bed…. There’ll be limited water to wash, you may feel seasick, the food increasingly less fresh, apart from the fish and goat’s milk. I’m afraid you’ll grow weary of me before the month is over…”

“You mean you can’t get away from me? That sounds appealing.” She answered with a smile.

“Well, I might take a dive if I need to escape…but I admit I’ll have to return to the boat eventually.” He grinned as he stepped out of bed. He put his robe on, picked up the tray. “It is still very early, but I thought it would be nice to have breakfast in bed. And …I know… it’s Lent and we should be fasting, but for this occasion I think we can make a little exception and eat something sweet.”

She sat up straight, shivering a little, as the room had not quite warmed up yet. Sidney put down the tray over her lap, sat on the edge of the bed and poured them both some tea. She gratefully accepted the warm cup, and took a sip. Sidney took a piece of honey cake, broke off a piece and brought it to her lips. As she took a bite, she felt the tips of his fingers in her mouth. They fed each other slowly, till they heard the clock strike six. Sidney jumped up: “I’d better get dressed and you must as well. We need to leave within two hours if we want to arrive in Portsmouth at a decent time” He gave her kiss and put the tray back on the dresser again. “We can have more breakfast on the first stop.”

Mrs. Jenkins came in again, not long after he’d left. Charlotte removed the covers and swept her legs out of bed. She startled a little, seeing some rusty stains on the sheets beneath her. She checked her bed shift and noticed it too had some stains. Mrs. Jenkins, giving her a hand, reassured her. “It is all right ma’am, this is perfectly normal after your wedding night. I know, I’ve been married myself. But better not let those young maids see it. I’ll remove the sheets before they come in.” Charlotte smiled, still a little embarrassed. “I hope you are all right ma’am?” Mrs. Jenkins asked carefully, examining Charlotte’s face. Adding with soft, earnest tone “Lucy thought she heard you scream….”

Charlotte chuckled shyly: “I’m sorry if I woke anybody up. It was a misunderstanding. I thought Mr. Parker had injured himself. But he hadn’t.”

“And you’ve not been injured yourself?” Mrs. Jenkins asked her in earnest. “I mean, we cannot interfere between husband and wife, but if he’s hurting you, I’ll try to protect you as much as possible.”

“Thank you Mrs. Jenkins, but I am perfectly all right. Just getting used to things.”

“Well, all right then, ma’am. Let’s get you cleaned up. Now what dress would you like to wear today?”

Charlotte looked in her wardrobe and gave her instructions about what she would wear and what needed to be packed. Charlotte asked Mrs. Jenkins what had happened to her husband and Mrs. Jenkins let her know the man had been killed in an accident. When Charlotte offered her condolences, Mrs. Jenkins let her know that she did not regret losing her husband, for he was a rough and idle man, only giving her troubles. Then reassuringly adding: “Do not worry ma’am, I’m sure Mr. Parker will treat you well. He can have a temper but I see he is quite tender with you.” Mrs. Jenkins guided her to the dressing room, put her in bath, night shift and all. Charlotte watched the rusty red stains colour the water, or maybe it was the rosewater Mrs. Jenkins poured into it. The woman handed her a wash cloth and a bar of Pears soap, leaving Charlotte for a short moment to remove the bed sheets, so the maids might not see them when packing Charlotte’s last things for the journey. Charlotte closed her eyes and gave herself a moment to reflect on the last twenty-four hours in which her life had changed. Yesterday morning she had woken up in her uncle’s house, excited about preparing for a wedding some weeks ahead, only dreaming of her life with Sidney in their new home. Now she was suddenly married, a little girl’s step-mother and about to make the biggest journey of her life. Never having travelled longer than a day’s journey on land, she was now about to spend weeks, maybe months on a ship to faraway places. She was both nervous and excited.

After Mrs. Jenkins had dried her and put her on her dressing gown, Charlotte sat down before her dressing table. She noticed a new small box with a note under it. It was a present from Sidney, a pearl necklace with a coral hanger, and some coral beads spaced between the pearls. The hanger was cut in the shape of a rose. ‘ _A little token of remembrance to our wedding night. Love, Sidney’_ the note said. She blushed at his indulgence. She knew she would have to scold him a little for buying her so many expensive presents when they had to economise.

After a knock she saw Mary’s lady’s maid, Miss O’Reilly come in and it surprised her. She hadn’t realised that Tom and Mary had been in the house that night. She felt a little embarrassed after the noise she and Sidney had made. As she got help getting dressed and her hair done, she asked if Mary was awake yet. “I’ll wake her up shortly ma’am, she wants to say goodbye to you before you leave.” Miss O’Reilly replied.

Charlotte inspected her trunk before she went downstairs, to the breakfast room, where Tom sat at the table, with Sidney standing with his face towards the window. Their raised voices muted when Charlotte walked in. Sidney gave her a kiss, satisfied his present was tied around Charlotte’s neck and asked her if she liked it. She smiled and whispered: ”You shouldn’t spoil me like that, but it is very beautiful.”

“Can’t a man buy his wife a little present, as a token of remembrance of a special occasion? As a thank you for giving him the most precious gift of all?” he whispered back, smiling. “Did I not vow yesterday that with my body I thee worship, and with all my worldly goods I thee endow?” He looked her lovingly in the eye.

She blushed “Indeed you did. But just know I’ll be satisfied with more modest tokens of your affection.”

“I know, it’s one of the reasons I love you. But people would wonder at my regard for you or whether my business was going well, and lose their confidence in me if I didn’t adorn you a bit.” He argued.

“Although you need no adornment to be beautiful.” he added.

She blushed: “Well if you put it like that, I wouldn’t want others to think badly of you.”

Tom greeted her with his usual joviality, saying the wedding celebration had been great, that it was wonderful to have her as his sister and regretting their leaving for Antigua as they would miss the resurrection of Sanditon, pressing them to be back before the summer started, because Sanditon’s success depended so much on Sidney and his relations. Sidney then left the room with an annoyed expression to check whether the coach was ready to be loaded and to give Mrs. Jenkins some instructions for when he was absent. The redecorations needed to be finished, then he would rent out the house for a few months. And he ordered Mrs. Jenkins to have the nursery room ready on their return. Mrs. Jenkins looked a little surprised. At that moment Mary walked in on them, overhearing Sidney.

“Why Sidney, you are running ahead of yourself! Charlotte won’t be delivering a child before at least nine months from now!” she exclaimed while Mrs. Jenkins excused herself. Sidney looked a little disturbed. Then Mary widened her eyes “You and Charlotte have not…is she… is that the reason why you rushed the wedding?” she whispered. Sidney looked at her a little appalled. He answered somewhat annoyed: “What are you thinking, Mary? I can assure Charlotte was perfectly innocent till last night and I should feel very offended if anyone should think otherwise.”

Mary sighed relieved and apologised. “Then why the rush? Why the nursery?” she asked bemused.

Sidney looked down at his shoes. “Well, you’ll hear it soon enough.” he sighed. “Charlotte and I will be bringing back a child from Antigua.”

“You have another ward then?” asked Mary surprised.

Sidney bit his lip for a moment. He looked at her with an earnest face. Then he answered in low, soft voice “No, she’s my daughter.”

Mary looked at him in shock: “You have a daughter?!”

“Apparently… I only found out the day before yesterday.”

Mary was perplexed. “You are sure it is yours…? “

“I have strong reason to believe it so, yes.”

“And Charlotte knows about this?” He nodded. “And you decided to rush her into this marriage before she even had time to reconsider?” Mary reproached him angrily “I had never expected you to be so vicious! If Tom would confront me with a bastard child I would have a hard time forgiving him. And I probably wouldn’t have married him if he sprang it on me shortly before our wedding! ”

He tried to calm her down: “Mary, I understand you’re upset with me and, yes, Charlotte was too. And I would have understood if she had called the wedding off, at least till I got back from Antigua. But she insisted on coming with me as my wife.”

“She’ll want to keep a closer eye on you now! I dare say! ” Mary snapped “Since you apparently can’t control your urges!”

“She understands…”

“She understands? You’re very lucky to have found someone so understanding as Charlotte!” Mary sneered.

“I am aware of that, Mary” he said with a warm voice: “Charlotte is the best woman I could ever imagine, well besides yourself, and I am very grateful you introduced her into my life.”

“And I am on the point of regretting it now.” she said just a little less angry. “For Tom and Charlotte’s sake I’ll be civil with you, but no more than that!” she bit at him as she walked away and encountered Tom on the landing.

“Tom, did you know this?” Mary confronted her husband.

“What dear?” he asked a little confused, since his mind was in Sanditon again.

“That Sidney has a daughter in Antigua!” she said with an agitated whisper so the servants wouldn’t overhear.

“He just told me, I’m as shocked as you, dear. But he himself didn’t even know till two days ago.” Tom tried to defend his brother.

“And that makes it all right then? He probably knew there was the _possibility_ of it!” Mary exclaimed.

“These things happen, Mary, and Sidney is taking responsibility for it.” Tom responded apologetically

“These things happen? I surely hope they haven’t happened to you, Thomas Andrew Parker!.” she hissed “If it been us women, you would throw us out without thinking twice.”

“Well, that’s hardly the same...we men…have our biological needs…” Tom tried to argue, but looking at his wife’s face he realised his mistake. “Please Mary, I am not my brother and you are not Charlotte. If she can forgive him, then so should we.” he tried. “Now calm yourself. She’s in the breakfast room, looking very happy and excited. Don’t upset her.”

Mary recomposed herself before opening the door to the breakfast room, seeing Charlotte in front of the window, overlooking how the horses were reigned in and the trunks were loaded onto the coach as daylight was dawning.

“Charlotte, my dear, how are you this morning?” she asked. Charlotte turned around. “My, you’re practically radiating!” Mary said astonished. “Has Sidney been gentle with you?” she asked carefully. Charlotte smiled, while gazing at the ground with a slight embarrassment. “Well, you do not regret your choice then?” Mary asked meaningfully. Charlotte looked a little confused, wondering what Mary knew. “Sidney just told me of his discovery and the reason for your travel to Antigua.” Mary said with a stern face. Charlotte nodded. “I’m amazed at your ability to forgive.” Mary said.

Charlotte sighed and said in earnest: “Mary, I know Sidney is not perfect, that he has… a history. I learnt that this summer. But he meant no evil then, he truly cared for the girl and he is taking responsibility for his mistake now. I want to support him in that.”

“You’re too good for him, Charlotte, he’s very lucky. But do not make things too easy for him. ”Mary said.

“No I won’t, and he doesn’t seem to want me to.” Charlotte replied with a smile. “But he is good for me too, Mary!” she said softly. “He opens my eyes to things, teaches me, but at the same time he respects my opinion better than any man. And I never again wish to be parted from him, I want to go there with him.”

Mary gave her a hug: “Well, I’m just sorry _we_ have to part with you now. I hope you will have a good journey. Are you excited about the trip?”

“Well, It is a whole new adventure. Until now I have never travelled further than London or Sanditon.” Charlotte said a little nervous. “I am looking forward to seeing all these new places.”

“Where will you stop on the way?”

“Well, first Brittany, then to Lisbon, Madeira, the Canary Islands and Cape Verde.”

“Sounds like a beautiful journey. And I hear these new boats are a lot safer than the old ones. But still, stay safe and take care of each other. Remember what happened to him last trip. I know the risks have diminished the last few years, but sea voyage is still very perilous.”

“I know, Mary, but staying at home is no guarantee for safety either. And whatever trouble comes along, I want to face it together with him. But I’ll write you from every stop we make, to let you know how we are.”

“Please do, dear, because Sidney tends to leave us in the dark till he gets back.”

Sidney came in, avoiding Mary’s look, but she walked up to him and gave him a hug. “Treasure her, Sidney. I won’t be able to find you a woman like her again.”

“I know Mary! And I will. And we owe you.” He stared lovingly at Charlotte. “Now dear, are you ready?” he asked, as he offered her his hand.

She smiled: “Yes I just have to ask Mrs. Jenkins to get this note delivered to my mother, so she knows I’m fine and well.”

“Oh I’ll take that to her, dear.” Mary said. “I’ll call on her later today and describe how happy you looked this morning.”

They hugged Tom and Mary one last time on the pavement. They had planned to travel post first, but Tom and Mary’s arrival gave them the convenience to travel with Tom’s coach instead. Sidney helped Charlotte in the coach and came to sit beside her. The sun was just rising, but they closed the curtains to keep its light out a bit. He wrapped his arm around her waist while she rested her head against his chest and tried to suppress a small yawn. He wanted to kiss her head, but her bonnet was in the way. He asked her to untie it, she did and placed her head back against his torso. He stroked her cheek before folding his hand around hers: “You can sleep now a bit.” He said “ We’ll be traveling till dark, so we can rest.” He closed his own eyes. “ She smiled and they let the shaking coach rock them to sleep.


	7. Sinful places

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sidney needs to conduct some business in Portsmouth to finance their journey, but refuses to take Charlotte to the place where he meets his business contacts. They both still have some trust issues.

# 7\. Sinful places

During the ride they were drowsing much in each other’s arms, interrupted by some kisses. They had a few stops and arrived at an inn in Portsmouth just after dark set in. There was a letter waiting for Sidney there. They quickly retired in their room, impatient for some privacy and had dinner served there, though they tasted as much of each other as of the food. She was sitting in his lap in a chair, when he gently pushed her away.

“I’m sorry my dear, as much as I would like to continue this, I’m afraid I have to go out for some business.”

She looked disappointed. “What business?” she asked

“I need to negotiate some trade contracts, while we are travelling we might as well bring some new products to trade. I’ve just received word of one my contacts to come discuss it tonight. If I’m successful, it’ll bring in a few hundred pounds extra a year and you know we can use that very well.”

“Yes, we have to repay Georgiana, it’s the price we have to pay for being together…”

“Yes, and we can use the extra revenue to cover the costs of this journey.”

She looked at him a little uneasy: “I have no idea of the costs. How much is it?”

“We’re paying about a hundred pounds each, one way, and a little more on the return trip.” He replied reluctantly.

“A hundred pounds each way! And then we’ll be with three on the way back!. That is half our yearly income!” she exclaimed. After a few seconds of silence she inquired: “Is that the cheapest rate?”

“Well, I insist on traveling first class.” He said. “Especially with you coming along.” He smiled at her.

“Is that wise? “she asked hesitatingly “Can we afford that?”

“It is a onetime cost, an investment in our future life, we can infringe on our savings a little. I’m not having you travel steerage.”

“What is steerage?” she asked puzzled

“The middle deck where they squeeze in most passengers.” He explained.

“Why should we not travel like that?” she asked.

“Well, I’m not having you sleep between strangers, they’re not all gentle people. I don’t want my wife to struggle with cooking on board and scrubbing the deck, which passengers travelling steerage are obliged to do… and I’d like us to have a little privacy while we lay together, especially now that we’re just married.” He gave her a kiss.

She fell silent for a moment. “I feel guilty for pressuring you to take me along.” She replied humbly.

“You don’t need to feel guilty. I _like_ to have you with me, to enjoy your company and to provide my little girl with the most wonderful mother imaginable…” he gave her another kiss. “And _that_ is an understatement…I think I can cover the extra expense. An extra passenger means we can bring another four hundred pounds in cargo and I trust your trunk with linen and clothes doesn’t weigh more than a hundred, so I mean to take some extra goods with us, and the profit from that I hope will cover the costs of your passage. But you understand I have to meet with some local traders to arrange that…” he laid out his strategy.

“But can’t I come with you to your trade negotiations?” she pleaded “I would very much like to learn.”

He smiled, then shook his head.

“I’m sorry dear, but I’m afraid it’s not an occasion very suitable for ladies.”

She looked at him quite puzzled, then widened her eyes.

“You’re going to a place of …sin?” she asked carefully, with a tone of indignance.

He sighed, looking a little embarrassed.

“ I can’t believe you’re going there….just one day after our wedding.” she said somewhat bitter. “Have you already grown weary of me? Have I disappointed you somehow?”

“No, Charlotte, please…I’m only going to talk with some business partners, have a drink, nothing more…I’m not interested in anything else they have to offer there…not with you waiting here for me. You’re everything I want you to be…everything I need ” He said, smiling at her with much love.

“And what am I to do? Just sit here and wait? Or shall I go down and play some card games?”

“Stay here and lock the room and don’t let anybody in besides me!” he said in a strict voice.

“So, you’re locking me up here while you go out and have fun?” she asked, a little angry.

“I’m not trying to lock you up!” he said with some irritation, then softening his countenance: “I just wish to keep you safe. Now, I do have a business to run and unfortunately it requires me to visit places I dislike. You’ve seen the worst side of London by night, this is no better. This is a town full of lonely naval officers and drunken sailors who have been at sea for while without female company. I don’t like to order you around, but.. ”

“...But?” she asked

“But you’re like a sheep in a town of wolves. You cannot venture out without a watchdog to protect you. Not by day, and certainly not by night. I still have nightmares about finding you in London, in the hands of that ….” He didn’t finish his sentence, he sounded angry. “If I had been only seconds later…who knows what that man would have done to you.” Tears filled his eyes and after he recollected himself he added: “ And I won’t risk your good name again by taking you to …certain places…”

“What about _your_ good name, Mr. Sidney Parker?” she asked him with some irritation. “Apparently visiting such places does not stain on _you?”_

He sighed. “I know it is an unfair world. But it is how it works.”

She sat silent for a moment, looking displeased. Then she laughed: “So you are my dog? I get to order you around? I thought you resented being treated like one by Mrs. Campion?”

He stared at her a little uneasy, then he said teasingly: “Well, this dog is not under _your_ command, but the Shepherd, our Lord, and please don’t mention _her_ name.”

“Well, put it like that, I hope you do not wish to increase the flock?” she said smirking while raising her eyebrows.

He looked at her lovingly and said: “Only with our own offspring.” and gave her another kiss. Adding with a mischievous smile: “And if I go astray, do spank me to keep me on the right path.”

She blushed: “So I’m _your_ watchdog too? And you my black sheep?” she ran her fingers through his dark curly hair.

“You’re my conscience, at least…I promise to show you around tomorrow, involve you in the business. I don’t wat to keep you out of it, I would like you to join me as my partner and advisor.” he said softly. “I’ll come back a soon as possible. Now I don’t like to forbid you anything, and I know that if I do you will go against it…but can I trust you to stay here and not venture out on your own?… I’ll have heart attack if I don’t find you here on my return and I don’t like making a widow out of you just yet.” He looked a little anxious.

She smiled reluctantly : “Okay, but be careful yourself. And don’t think I like being separated from you like that. Wolves attack dogs sometimes and I would like to protect _you_ with my shotgun while you’re out, if only I had one with me.”

He laughed and gave her a last long kiss. “Well, this dog is a tamed wolf, I’m incognito, they’ll see me as one of their own…. Now, I know you’re the bravest woman imaginable, I’ve seen the proof of that. If something happens to me, I am confident you will come to rescue me, but please, no needless demonstration of your fearlessness. Now, bolt the door and get some rest, but don’t sleep too tight, or I’ll be shut out all night and then we can’t work on expanding our flock.” he winked meaningfully.

“We’ll see how angry I am with you when you return and beg to come in.” she responded, mischievously pinching her eyes.

After he had left she felt very tired. For a moment she had thought of doing some reading or sewing. She had brought some unfinished clothes to have something to do while on board, but instead she decided to retire early and went to bed after the dishes had been cleared. She barely heard his knock when it came, having no idea of the time when she let him in. Only half awake she felt his kisses in her neck, tasted the wine he had drunk, nearly setting her on fire with his candle. With a gentle impatience he pushed her back in the boxbed, and started to remove his clothes. First his coat and jacket, then his waist coat. He took off his boots and as he removed the breeches under his shirt she watched his silhouette in the little candle light with curiosity before she eagerly welcomed him under the sheets.


	8. Preparing for boarding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sidney and Charlotte struggle to repress their passion for each other and venture out to prepare for their journey. Sidney introduces Charlotte to his trade business. He has another, very valuable wedding present for her and asks her again to reconsider joining him on the perilous journey.

# 8\. Preparing for Boarding

The next morning Charlotte woke up with her arms still around Sidney’s neck, his head against her chest. And when he started stirring himself, he found the present position quite agreeing with his desire to repeat actions of the last night and he eagerly tried to convince her to give in to his wishes. And after pleading with her through trace of kisses and caresses in strategic places her thighs gave way to his again.

While they were catching their breath, there was a knock on the door. She studied him while he jumped out of bed, put on his breeches and opened the door for the tray with breakfast a maid was bringing in. He lit the fire, while letting Charlotte enjoy the remaining warmth of the bed before seating her in a chair by the fire and serving her breakfast. He apologised “I’m afraid they only have toasted bread because of Lent, no meets or sweets… but they did have anchovies’ paste.” He gave her kiss.

“I’ll enjoy it very much. And I love anchovies’ paste.” she said with a meaningful smile.

“So I’ve been told. I can’t imagine why…so peppery, I prefer sweetness myself…At least I have you, my sweetheart, for that taste of sweetness.” he said warmly, kissing her again.

They didn’t need to speak much while they ate, just enjoyed smiling at each other. Only after she finished her meal and they stood up to get ready to dress themselves, she asked him if he had been successful the night before.

“Yes, I arranged for some more manufactures to trade on our trip. I will inspect the order later today and maybe you can come with me and give me your opinion.”

“So you want my opinion only _after_ you’ve made the deal?” she asked with a smile, raising her eyebrows.

“Your final stamp of approval, to check if your humble servant did his job well.” he smiled back.

“Well..” she said licentiously “My humble servant did well after he returned last night, and he may have returned everything intact, but I might still want to check the inventory.” She pulled on the buttons of his breeches to peek over the waist of it.

He smiled a little humbled. “Well, Mrs. Parker, I think I have to punish you a bit for talking like that. You behaviour has consequences , you know. I gather you’re glad with your new toys?” he said playfully. “I’ll let you take a good look, as you wished and maybe I’ll let you play with them a little, if you promise to be gentle.” He added as he started to unbutton the fall of his breeches.

She blushed and supressed a giggle as she watched. “Is it…” she asked a little bewildered. “Ah you’ve discovered the magic trick.” He responded playfully . He took her hand and guided it. She covered her mouth with the other to hide her nervous giggles. She saw him close his eyes in enjoyment. He opened them again and his gaze engulfed her. “I wouldn’t mind inspecting my new toys as well, I did not take a very good look when I woke up.” he said licentiously, as he untied her bed coat and undid the windings of her bed shift, tasted her breasts before he rolled up her hem and looked up her legs. “Yes, perfect. Now let’s play, shall we? ” He asked as he lifted her up and laid her on the bed again and joined her.

After quieting their hunger for each other’s bodies again he got up. “Now I’m going to wash and dress myself.” He said while he poured some water from the kettle in the fire in the basin behind the screen. She watched him through the split between the screen panels as he took the wash cloth and rubbed his legs with it and put on his breeches again. She smiled silently as he took off his shirt and washed his upper body. After he had put it back on, she got out of bed and helped him in his waistcoat and tied his cravat. He then poured clean water in the basin, and she washed herself behind the screen. After she had pulled her chemise over her head, she asked him to help fasten her stays. He clumsily complied, mumbling he had more experience with loosening them than fastening them. She put on her dress and had him brush her hair. She laughed amused as he troubled himself with trying to braid her hair and put it up.

When they were both fully dressed, he presented her with a package.

“What’s this?” she asked curiously

“Just a wedding present.” He said, smiling humbly.

“Another one?! Sidney, you’re spoiling me! I thought I married the _sensible_ one of the Parker brothers.” she reproached him playfully.

“Just open it and let me know what you think of it and whether it was a sensible thing to do…” He said mysteriously.

She opened the package and pulled out a leather writing case .

“Open it!” Sidney encouraged her.

Charlotte open the case. Inside was a document.

“Read it!” Sidney continued, waiting nervously for her response.

Charlotte read the document a few times over before its meaning sank in.

She looked up at him with a delighted disbelief, she was speechless.

“Well, what do think?” he asked her a little insecure.

“Oh Sidney!” she sighed gratefully while she flung her arms around him and kissed him more intensely than ever before.

“Do you mean this?” she asked after she caught her breath again.

“ If it says that I give you full authorisation over all our assets, that your word or signature is equal to mine, yes. Otherwise I must lay down a complaint about your uncle’s services.”

“Oh Sidney, this is the most beautiful gift you could give me. It’s worth more to me than a thousand pearl necklaces…”

“Well, just make sure it doesn’t cost us that much. Promise to use your power wisely, legally it’s still my head that’s on the block if you should make imprudent decisions. But since you are the wisest of the both of us…” He said a little nervously.

She grinned and then looked up at him. “I promise I’ll use my power sparingly and make sure you don’t regret this.”

She kissed him again and then said: “I thought it was impossible to love you more than I already did when we married two days ago, but right now… I’m falling short of words. I knew I couldn’t find a man more suited for me, but you’ve just proven you understand me better than I ever dared to hope.”

Again she kissed him fully and intensely on the lips, till he let go and said with a chuckle: “I glad you appreciate it and wish to thank me… but we just got washed and dressed dear…and we’ve got business in the harbour.”

“We’ll have to hurry up then and we don’t really have to take everything off, do we?!” she replied a little out of breath, while pulling of his coat again and moving her hands towards his breeches again.

“Oh, Mrs. Parker, your desire is like Hydra’s head isn’t it? Whatever I do to satisfy you, your desires only seem to increase.” He groaned playfully.

“You might be right! I only want you more and more.” She whispered while softly biting his earlobe.

He picked her up and laid her down on the bed for the second time that morning and lifted up her dress and petticoats to comply to her wishes.

After they had straightened their hair and clothes again, both looking flushed, Sidney took Charlotte outside. He showed her the harbour and the ship they would be sailing with. He introduced her to the captain, his old friend Captain Rogers.

“Well, congratulations Parker, you’ve found yourself a fine, beautiful lady.” Captain Rogers complimented him.

“And that’s just her outside.” Sidney replied. Captain Rogers raised his eyebrows. “Her mind is even more beautiful.” Sidney added, while looking at Charlotte with an admiring smile.

“Have you ever sailed before?” Captain Rogers asked her. She shook her head. “Well, then you have quite an adventure ahead of you. But don’t worry, we’ll keep you safe.”

“Well, I like a little adventure.” Charlotte said with a polite smile.

“I think she’ll protect _us_.” Sidney remarked somewhat mischievously, again making Captain Rogers raise his eyebrows. “Don’t underestimate her. Mrs. Parker is an excellent shot if you give her a rifle.” Sidney elucidated, adding in a whisper: “But maybe keep those rifles locked away in case she gets cross with _me_ and shoots a hole in the hull.” Captain Rogers failed to supress his laugh while Charlotte blushed with a little embarrassment. “Well, I gather your experience on your last trip has been making you a bit nervous, friend, if you’re bringing a personal guard with you this time.”

Sidney forced a smile. He hadn’t quite shaken off his last bad experience yet, but he refused to let anybody else know.

Captain Rogers gave them a little tour of the ship. Although Sidney had warned her about cramped conditions, Charlotte was still a little shocked when realising how small their cabin would be, even though they were given the largest passenger cabin. The berth was narrow, hardly three feet wide. They would not be able to lay on their backs at the same time. The space next to the berth was barely wide enough to stand and turn around. When the captain was called away for a moment, Sidney looked at her face and carefully asked: “Are you sure you are willing to spend many weeks with me in here?”

“Well, aren’t we expected to lay real close during our honeymoon weeks?” Charlotte replied playfully.

“I have no objection to keeping you so close to me. But in earnest: I’m afraid you’ll get fed up with me very fast. Do realise that there’ll be limited opportunity to wash. Water is rationed to two gallons each a day, including food and drink. And if there’s delay because of little wind, rations are further limited. You have to use seawater for laundry, if there is even opportunity to wash anything. I’ll do my best to smell not too badly, but the stench coming from the steerage area and the livestock can be nauseating and at night, everything creaks and the ship rolls, keeping you out of your sleep.”

“Well, maybe we’ll have to buy some extra bed sheets then.” Charlotte replied. “Because I wasn’t planning on much sleep, but I had anticipated creaking.” she whispered to him playfully “And remember I grew up between cattle, so I’m used to their smell.”

Sidney chuckled: “True, but remember there’s also little space to stretch your legs, well vertically, that is....”

She glared back at him, pretending not to understand his meaning : “Well, there are several decks, are there not, enough stairs to climb.” 

He coughed. “Yes, well, I urge you to stay away from the lower decks.”

She looked at him somewhat annoyed: “Why?”

“Well, do I need to repeat what I said about a sheep among wolves?”

“You just told me there will be a lot of sheep on board and I have my personal watchdog.” she replied with a cynical smile.

“Yes, but I don’t like you exposed too much to the comments of the wolves. And more importantly: in case of disease going round, you’ll have less chance of being infected if you keep a distance from the steerage deck.” He looked at her sternly. “I have never been on a voyage where everyone reached their destination alive.”

She looked at him a little in shock. “I thought scurvy was a thing of the past, now people eat oranges on board.” She asked a little puzzled.

“Yes, scurvy is a lot less common.” he replied “But there are other diseases and dangers. Drinking water gets get very dilapidated after some time, especially near the equator where the temperatures are warmer. Beer and ale become the only potable liquids, but some men get too drunk… There’s the danger of pestilence: there are tropical diseases and other infections that can get on board, like the measles, small pox, cholera. It’s best to isolate yourself as much as possible… ” She nodded she understood.

“I should also warn you that if the weather and sea get rough, we’ll be ordered to stay indoors, no matter how sick we feel, lest we should fall overboard. And people _will_ feel sick, and the ship _will_ smell of it…” He added.

“Well, we’ll just have to cope.” Charlotte replied. She felt he was nervous himself to sail again after being captured by privateers on his last trip. She gave him a reassuring hug. “After all, I’ve made my choice and there’s no turning back.” She said. Sidney gave her a mysterious look.

After seeing the ship, he took her to a warehouse, where their orders were being packed. Charlotte tried to ignore the prying eyes, unused at seeing a lady at the scene. Sidney showed her the supplies of ironware for machinery, cotton weaves, navigation equipment to be sold abroad. “Some of them requested on my last trip to Lisbon” he said. “Some other things are showpieces, to create some interest in what we can deliver, England’s finest so to say.”

“To expand the business?” Charlotte asked

“Exactly!” he replied. “Now I got the idea to invest in some of this equipment from you, so I expect your assistance in demonstrating.”

“From me?!”she asked surprised.

“Yes, our little dinner talk at Lady Worcester’s house gave me some ideas about new lines of trade.” he replied.

Charlotte blushed. “Please don’t overestimate my ideas and knowledge of these things.”

“Never! But don’t underestimate the value of your own mind either… Well, if it turns out to be a bad idea, at least you can distract our clients with your charm and I’ll sell them anyway and you’ll have to use these fabrics for your own wardrobe the coming years” he joked.

She tried to supress an amused smile. “Well I’m always glad to be of assistance.” She said.

“Well, I don’t want to sound like your cousin Roger, but if you can help me with the books, I’d also be very grateful.” he grinned.

She chuckled: “Don’t worry, your offer is a lot more attractive than Roger’s.” she replied. “But If you’re going to employ me as your assistant, might I ask after the pay.” she teased him.

He smiled, giving her a covetous look and whispered: “I’ll pay you in kind…, very, very kind that is.” She hid her smile behind her hand as she blushed and tried to focus on the products at hand. At her request Sidney took her to a linen shop so she might get some extra bedsheets.


	9. 9 Surprise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a surprise waiting when Sidney and Charlotte return to the inn in Portsmouth.

# 9\. Surprise

They walked back to the inn before teatime. Sidney kept looking round, but Charlotte paid little attention to it. He distracted her when they walked in and only after she turned around did she see her father, her little sister Emily and brother Lucas. Her face lit up at the surprise. She looked at Sidney: “Did you know they were coming?” she asked. “Well, I did send you father a request to meet us here.” Sidney smiled “I figured you would like to see him before we go…. and to give you an opportunity to change your mind about coming with me. They could take you to Willingden and you could wait for me there.” looking at his feet before glancing at her “But I wasn’t sure if he could make it, so I kept it a surprise.” She looked quite emotional and hugged him. “Thank you!” she whispered.

They went to sit upstairs in their room for tea and after her father expressed his regret at not having been at their wedding and little Emily’s disappointment at not seeing her sister in her wedding dress, and inquiring how the wedding was, Mr. Heywood inquired after the reason for this sudden journey and its urgency. Sidney and Charlotte fell quiet. Charlotte looked at Sidney who was staring at his feet again and she asked him to take her little brother and sister for a little tour outside. “Let _me_ tell him.” she whispered. Sidney invited the children outdoors, which they willingly accepted.

Charlotte carefully explained how they discovered Sidney had a daughter in Antigua, emphasizing that he had cared for her mother, but had assumed her dead for many years and his willingness to take responsibility for the child.

Mr. Heywood sighed disapprovingly: “I’m starting to regret my consent to your marriage.” He looked a little worryingly at Charlotte. “I know it’s too late now to reverse it, but are you sure he’s going to make you happy? Who knows what other surprises he has in store for you. It’s difficult, but we might try an annulment.”

She smiled apologetically: “I’m very happy father. And even if I wanted an annulment, I don’t think it possible.”

“You are saying you were perfectly sane during the wedding?” he asked sceptically .

“Well, insane with love for him perhaps.” She said with a smile.

“He’s not been cruel to you?”

“Only in asking me to stay behind.” she answered.

“You are _fully_ married?” he asked carefully.

She blushed, trying to hide her smile. “Yes.” She said softly, looking at her feet. “I think it very probable I might be expecting his child already.”

Her father showed a faint smile: “Well, in that case I can only hope you’ll be blessed.” He said, kissing her on the forehead.

“I feel very blessed father. I know this story makes him sound bad, but do not condemn him for past mistakes, I’m proud of him for taking responsibility _now_. I know what I’m doing and I hope Sidonia will be as welcome with you as she is with us… Please, when he returns, do not be hard on him.”

Mr. Heywood sighed. “Well then, I’ll just give him a general warning that if he fails to bring you back to England happy and in one piece, he’ll be safer not returning at all.”

Charlotte raised her eyebrows in reproof. “Father, don’t threaten him.” Adding with a smile “That’s my prerogative now.”

Mr. Heywood laughed: “Does he realise what he let himself in for?” he asked amused.

“I may hope so.” Charlotte smiled dryly, “It’s too late for him to withdraw now…and I considering the gift he gave me this morning, I’m convinced I could not have found a man who understands me better than he does, present company excepted of course.” she smiled at her father.

“He gave you a rifle to threaten him with?” Mr. Heywood asked teasingly.

Charlotte chuckled. “No.” she walked to her trunk and showed her father the document Sidney had given her.

“Well, well, he sure has much faith in you.” Mr. Heywood said, looking much impressed. “He’s an odd one for sure, considering the gifts he’s given you: a book on Heraclitus, a telescope, a document that mandates you to act in his name…but that fits you rightly.”

“How did you know about the book?” she asked him a bit puzzled.

“Well, Allison mentioned you were hiding a dead Greek philosopher under your pillow, so I checked it out and the ex-libris stamp made it quite clear where it came from.” He said with a smile “and it confirmed my suspicions of where your affections were directed.”

“You knew then before you met him?” Charlotte asked him with some surprise “But I never talked about him.”

“And that is what arose my suspicions. And after all, it is my job to know what young men capture my daughters’ hearts.”

Sidney came back with Emily and Lucas, and looked a little anxious at Mr. Heywood and Charlotte.

Mr. Heywood stood up and walked to him. “Well, son, Charlotte has explained the situation. And I can’t say I’m pleasantly surprised, but I can appreciate a man taking responsibility for his offspring, however it came about. And since she absolutely refuses to part with you and is convinced of her own happiness, I have little choice but to accept the situation. I just hope you’ll keep her as happy as she is now. But considering the gift you have given her today, I trust you will.”

Sidney looked a little relieved: “If there’s one thing you can count on, sir, it’s that I’ll care for her more than for myself, protect her more than myself and love her more than myself.” Sidney replied looking lovingly at Charlotte. “She’s the most precious thing I have on earth right now, though I more feel like I’m in heaven when she’s with me and I’m in hell when parted from her. And yet, I do not wish to possess her, but make her whole, complementing her even though she already perfect.”

Mr. Heywood stood speechless for a while, patting Sidney on the back. “Well, then you know how difficult it is for me to let my little Charlotte go.” he said a little melancholically.

They had promised the little ones to show the harbour and its ships. And Sidney volunteered to take the children in his neck one at a time and Charlotte’s siblings showed great enthusiasm for their new brother-in-law. He eagerly taught them about the ships they saw, the difference between a schooner and other clippers, between a brig and a brigantine. He told them where they were going, about life on board, the places they travelled to with just enough excitement to fascinate, but without too much cause for nightmares. The two children listened in awe.

“I don’t know who they are more excited to see.” Mr. Heywood commented. “Your husband has made himself quite popular with your brothers and sisters. I’m just worried he’s inspiring them to travel around the world.”

She smiled: “Yes, he’s good with children. You should have seen him with his nephew and nieces. And he’s quite impatient to expand our own little family.”

“Well, yes, your story earlier confirms that he’s been running quite ahead of you… Well, I better warn him what he’s up against should you conceive as easily as your mother.” Mr. Heywood laughed.

They returned for dinner and Sidney told some bedtime stories to Emily and Lucas, while Charlotte watched him in admiration. They talked some more of their plans. Mr. Heywood was pleased that Sidney involved Charlotte in his business, valued her opinion: “But I won’t tell your mother you’re learning to trade.” He said amused “You know how she thinks of the business.” And he retired to his room and left Sidney and Charlotte to themselves. They had ordered a bath, it would be their last for several weeks. Sidney offered to let her go in first, he would use the remaining water. He sat next to her, washed her back and when he tried to kiss her she practically pulled him in, still in his clothes, causing a great splash that Sidney desperately tried to mop up before it would leak through the floor.

“Well Mrs. Parker.” Sidney said with a smile after they had both bathed. “This will be the last night in a long time you can have some space in bed. I’ll keep my distance if you ask me too. For the next six weeks at least we’ll have to lay quite tight together.”

She smiled: “Thank you, but I’m not used to sleeping alone and I like you close to me.” she said. “But if you like some space yourself…”

“No, goodness grace, we’re only married two days now and every moment I cannot hold you feels like I’m missing a limb.” he said.

“Well then. Let’s practice for the next six cosy weeks.” she suggested as she pulled back the covers and pulled him unto the bed.

“I’m getting the impression you’re not planning on having much sleep tonight either.” He replied playfully, while tracing his lips from her ears to her neck.

“No , but I do urge you to try to keep quiet…after all, my father is just in the next room.” she whispered.

“Well, if you keep reminding me of that I’m afraid I’m not able to perform anything tonight.” Sidney answered her nervously. But she put her lips and hands in places that told his body exactly what to do and it did without failure.


	10. Start of the voyage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The voyage to Antigua begins. Charlotte learns about trans-Atlantic trade and navigation. Their passion stirs some raised eyebrows and comments from fellow passengers.

# 10\. Start of the Voyage

Again there was no sleeping in the next morning. They dressed quickly, had an early breakfast with her father and siblings and sent their trunks to the ship by cart and followed on foot. On the quay they took their leave of Mr. Heywood, Lucas and Emily. They gathered with the other passengers on the poop deck. The ship left the dock and on the water they waited for the crew to search for stowaways. Sidney joked that they would find Charlotte somewhere between the barrels if he had not allowed her to come along. Charlotte looked with excited amazement at how the sails were hoisted and the ship gained speed. The sky was grey, there was a little drizzle, the wind was cold, but with Sidney’s arms wrapped around her, using the excuse of preventing his lady losing her balance and falling over, she watched the shores of England getting further away from them, and saw the Isle of Wight pass by. She was holding the little telescope Sidney had given her for Christmas and he enjoyed instructing her which way to look to see the shores of France.

They reached their first stopover in Brest, on the Brittany Coast, after sunset. The ankers were let down in the waters near the harbour, ready to dock the next morning. They had their first, modest, dinner on board and as Charlotte drank quite some ale, when they retired to their cabin, she was quite intoxicated and eager to pull Sidney inside the cabin, starting untie his cravat before he could shut the door, causing quite some raised eyebrows among the other passengers. They struggled with the narrow space and cold, but they managed to get each other out of their clothes and climb on the high berth where she pulled him on top of her as her warm blanket.

The next morning, the ship docked in the harbour. Charlotte watched as goods were piled up on the quay. She very much wanted to leave the ship, but Sidney urged her to stay on board with a promise to show her the place later. He himself had to watch over his own goods: what had to be brought ashore and what needed to stay. She amused herself by listening to the strange language from the deck. She knew French, but this was something different. She asked Sidney about it later. “They’re speaking Bretons” he said. “It’s like Celtic”. “What the Irish speak?” she asked. “Yes, but a bit different.” “It’s a pity, I was hoping to practice my French.” She said.

“Well, you might still on our journey, they speak French as well, you know. Now how’s your Spanish and Portuguese?” he asked teasingly

“I know nothing of those languages.” she smiled apologetically.

“Well, you’ll have plenty of time to learn on board.”

“Well, if I am to learn something, I would very much like to learn more about the route, navigation and the different sails” she said

“I’ll ask Captain Rogers if he has time to explain more to you somewhere on this journey” Sidney replied.

Sidney walked her around town late afternoon, Charlotte wondered at the slightly different architecture of the buildings from what she was used to. In the evening they had dinner ashore with some of the other first class passengers, hiring a room in an inn to dine in and Charlotte tried the scallop shells and gallettes-pancakes with much enthusiasm and some glasses of cider and when they walked back to the ship she wondered whether it was the cider or being on the ship all day that undermined her sense of balance, quite depending on Sidney to support her and prevent her from falling in water when they boarded again. Sidney quickly took her to their cabin after checking if she was not feeling sick. She wasn’t, but quite stumbled over everything in the cabin, laughing. Sidney helped her take off her dress and her stays, put her to bed, and went outside to relieve himself before returning. She had already fallen asleep and he had quite some difficulty to move her aside a little so he could lay beside her. He just wrapped his body around her, spooning.

When Charlotte woke up, she found her forehead pressed a little against the hull with Sidney breathing against her ear. She couldn’t remember him joining her in bed. Uncomfortable, she turned carefully on her back, allowing him to rest his head in her neck, half covering her body with his in the cold dark cabin. The noise of the crew walking about and the little daylight coming in through some cracks of the panelling between their cabin and the dining area, woke them up. They got dressed quickly and went from board for breakfast. The last goods and provisions were loaded before traversing the Celtic Sea and the Gulf of Biscay to Porto.

For the first time, Charlotte felt what it was like to spend many days at sea without stepping on land. The wind was strong and stormy and they were ordered to maintain inside. She tried to do some sewing, stitching some extra bedsheets together and finish embroidering their initials on them, but found staring at the needle nauseated her, so in the end she only stared out the window in the door while they played cards and Sidney tried to teach her some Portuguese. Their food was cold a few days because it was too dangerous to start a fire in the galley and they had to roam in the dark as the use of candles was limited. But Charlotte and Sidney didn’t mind laying in each other’s arms in their narrow berth endlessly and ignored jokes from other passengers wondering whether it was the waves and the wind rocking the boat or the newlywed couple and whether fasting should not apply to one’s sexual appetite during Lent, as well as food.

Captain Rogers took the effort of explaining their route and the places they would stop. Looking at the map, Charlotte wondered why they travelled South for such a long way before heading West to Antigua. Captain Rogers explained how the dominant winds dictated the triangular trade route, blowing to the South along the European continent and blowing to the West from the Spanish and African coasts. “It would not be faster to sail to Antigua directly from England, but we would do without fresh provisions longer and there would be less opportunities to trade. Especially the Cape Verdean Islands are an important hub, where we meet with ships coming from the East Indies and the West-African Coast ” he answered.

Sidney explained to her that it was partly because of this route, that ships previously had stopped on the African coast first and that they had started to take slaves with them as goods to trade. Charlotte looked disgusted. “Now we mainly bring Madeira and Port, and manufactures, but I fear some commercial vessels still take on slaves from Africa. Our navy is patrolling the seas and they still regularly encounter ships that have slaves on board.”

“Yes, I believe that is why Otis was eager to join the navy, to help them stop that.” Charlotte sighed.

Charlotte asked a lot more questions, about navigating equipment and how to determine one’s position at open sea by the position of the stars. Captain Rogers showed her how to look at the North star and some other constellations to determine one’s position.

“You have quite an inquisitive wife” Captain Rogers commented to Sidney: “You’ll have difficulty keeping secrets from her.”

“I do not _wish_ to have secrets from her.” Sidney replied with a smile.

“Oh come on, surely you must hide your darker, less flattering sides from her.” Captain Rogers whispered.

“I’m afraid she knows my darkest self already.” Sidney replied with a sigh.

“And still she married you?” Captain Rogers laughed.

“Yes, she’s amazing, but don’t think she spares me. She knows how to correct me and she brings out the best in me. ”


	11. Awkward company

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The other first class passengers make Charlotte feel uncomfortable as she is criticised for being so curious and openly displaying her passion for Sidney.

# 11\. Awkward company

The other seven passenger cabins were occupied by two brothers named Rochester traveling to their uncle in Antigua, a reverend Johnson traveling with his wife and his mother, and two Portuguese merchants, whose names Charlotte could not make out.

Charlotte tried to socialize with the Johnson women, but apart from some natural bond when women feel themselves outnumbered by a large number of men, she shared little with them. Charlotte could not help thinking them empty-headed and dull. The Johnson women were quite pious, doing nothing but reading the Bible, and doing needlework. They seldom smiled, as if it were a sin to do so.

The elder Mrs. Johnson took Charlotte apart after a few days at sea and commented: “ I feel I have to warn you, Mrs. Parker. I see that you are quite blessed in your choice of husband. And the Lord appreciates gratefulness. But I caution you to display your happiness only to the Lord. You must restrain yourself in the passion for your husband and not display so much intimacy. You smile a great deal and I notice Mr. Parker finds it necessary to touch you at all times, but you mustn’t encourage that.”

“I’m sorry ma’am, but I do not see what is wrong with showing I am happy with my husband. Aren’t we supposed to make life on earth a happy place?”

“A proper place, yes. But happiness is too often confused with hedonism. The Lord finds greater happiness in us worshipping and doing our duties without frivolity and knowing our place. For us women that is to do our tasks and follow our fathers and husbands without asking questions.” Mrs. Johnson replied.

“Why should I not show an interest in the world?” Charlotte asked with some indignation.

“You do not want to arouse any other man than your own husband, do you?” Mrs. Johnson asked.

“No, of course not.” Charlotte replied a little shocked.

“Well then keep your happy smiles to yourself, do not throw yourself at what other men have to tell and do not show any pleasure in their company, not even that of your husband.”

“I do not see what is wrong with admitting my affections for my husband and smiling out of mere politeness, ma’am, or showing an interest in someone’s work.” Charlotte replied.

“Well, don’t say I didn’t warn you.” Mrs. Johnson said.

Charlotte felt quite uncomfortable after this conversation. Untill then she only had had eyes for Sidney, but after Mrs. Johnson’s criticism she felt more prying eyes on her. Not just the judgmental glances from the Johnson women, but she started noticing that the Rochester brothers seemed to stare at her a lot, in a way that made her uncomfortable. She started to hear them joke about ‘her great appetite’ and unwillingly she took some more distance from Sidney in the common dining area around which the cabins were situated. In their cabin she felt less comfortable, realising how thin the cabin walls were and wondering if anybody could look inside through the cracks. She felt more restrained when Sidney lay with her. One night he asked if she was getting weary of him already. “It’s not that.” she whispered “I just have the feeling we’re being watched.” She told him about Mrs. Johnson’s criticism and the uncomfortable stares from the other male passengers. He told her to ignore them.

“People like the Johnsons enjoy taking the pleasure out of everything life has to offer. Don’t hide your curiosity. To me, there is no crime in ignorance, but there is in wanting to remain so. And there is nothing wrong with what we do here, Charlotte, I believe God’s intention is that we love one another and enjoy life within the given boundaries. There can be no crime in affection. Now I’m your husband and I like you to enjoy my company, desire me and show it to me. And I recall you vowed obedience to _me_ , not Mrs. Johnsen or anybody else.” he said with a playful smile. “I’d rather dislike it if you saw laying with me as merely a duty. And I have no objections to you showing your affection for me to others, within decent boundaries of course. I’m proud of having you as my wife and like to show it off. I’m only sorry that Mrs. Johnson has difficulty enduring her husband’s company, but we cannot let our actions be led by other people’s jealousy. And as for the other men. You are a beautiful woman and I’d wonder at any man who does not admire you. I doubt they mean any disrespect. In any case, I’m with you, so you need not worry about them.”

When they reached Porto several days later, Sidney arranged for someone to do their laundry. And he hired a room in an inn for a more private get together, and did the same in Lisbon. The weather had cleared, and Charlotte enjoyed the warmth of the Mediterranean sun, while Sidney enthusiastically took her to the warehouses filled with Port, ordering several barrels for trade. Then they sailed on to Tenerife and Madeira.


	12. Meeting with the Crowe's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlotte and Sidney visit the Crowe's while on Madeira. They have a special request for Sidney and Charlotte. Mr. Crowe discloses some more of Sidney's past indiscretions. Charlotte and Clara both have reason to be upset. Charlotte and Sidney talk over some old hurt.

# 12\. Meeting with the Crowe’s

On Madeira they went to see Francis and Clara Crowe, who had sought refuge from London society there, to disguise Clara’s far along pregnancy. Sidney had met with them on his last visit there, but had not written or spoken them since, so their surprise was great. The Crowes had missed the news of Sidney’s broken engagement to Eliza and his marriage to Charlotte. Clara had given birth to a little girl just two weeks before Sidney and Charlotte arrived, and only four months after the Crowe’s had married.

When Mr. Crowe saw them enter his drawing room, while Clara was just sitting in rocking chair with the baby, he stood and exclaimed quite delighted “Parker, Miss Heywood, what are you doing here in Madeira?!” He looked from one to the other with bemused astonishment.

Sidney smiled radiantly: “Well, Crowe, she’s no longer Miss Heywood, she’s Mrs. Parker now.”

Mr. Crowe looked pleasantly surprised and a little relieved “Well, thank God for that, otherwise you would again be shamelessly ruining the lady’s reputation.” Charlotte’s face flushed.

“I’m just bantering, Mrs. Parker. But I’m glad my friend has finally done the honourable thing, as he should have done last May...” He looked a little reprovingly at Sidney, who gave Mr. Crowe a warning look.

“I would not suspect you of course, Mrs. Parker, of any impropriety, but knowing Parker here, well…” He didn’t finish his sentence, as Sidney gave him another dark look.

“I hope he’s been making up for his unpleasantness, Mrs. Parker.” Mr. Crowe simply added.

Charlotte looked a little uneasy. But that was easily forgotten when she spotted Clara in her chair with the baby in her arms.

“I see we have to congratulate you too, Mr. Crowe!” Charlotte exclaimed. She walked up to Clara and kneeled down to admire the baby. She asked Clara how she was. “Well, I’m still recovering, but very much in love.” she answered, looking at her baby. “Would you like to hold her?” Charlotte sat down on the sofa and the little girl was handed to her. While she cradled the little baby, she noticed Sidney looking at her quite endeared. She glanced up at him and exchanged a meaningful, loving look.

Mr. Crowe whispered to Sidney: “I think you are going to be very lucky.”

“I feel very lucky indeed.”, Sidney replied, unsuspecting of Mr. Crowe’s wink.

“I mean tonight, Parker!” Mr. Crowe added with mischievous glance, patting him on the back.

“Shall you sleep here, shall I have a room prepared for you? Though with little Charlotte here, you’ll probably get little sleep.” Sidney gave him a warning look. “I mean our baby, Parker, we’ve named her after you wife.” Mr. Crowe clarified a little amused.

Sidney looked up in surprise. “Charlotte, did you hear that?” he exclaimed joyfully. Charlotte looked up a little distracted and confused. Clara clarified: “Francis just said we’re naming her after you.”

Mr. Crowe whispered something in his wife’s ear and then they asked Sidney and Charlotte to be the girl’s godparents. Sidney and Charlotte each other briefly in the eye, before confirming with a nod that they would.

Clara confessed to Charlotte she was a little nervous about the baby being a girl. “It’s a cruel thing to say, but I would have less worries if it was a boy… Boys are less vulnerable. And Francis is taking good care of us, but if anything should happen to him, I fear little Charlotte and I would lose the roof over our head. Francis’ entire estate and fortune is entailed along the male line. His sisters got their fortune’s from their mother’s dowry. Of course I have none to bestow on little Charlotte. But if I were to produce an heir, we would at least be secure. I can expect little from Framcis’family. His mother has disowned him after we got married and though Francis still let’s her live on his estate, he has turned out his uncle, her younger brother. She’s quite infuriated about that. The man has acted as Francis’ guardian, when his father passed away, but I fear Francis has few good memories of that time. Just as I have bad memories of my own uncle, my mother’s brother…. I fear we have estranged ourselves from both our families. So I hope you will be our little girl’s family.”

Charlotte responded reassuringly: “I promise, that if, God forbid, anything should happen to you, we will take care of little Charlotte as if she were our own.”

Clara smiled emotionally.

Mr. Crowe meanwhile carefully inquired with Sidney: “Maybe I shouldn’t ask, but how did your engagement with Mrs. Campion get dissolved?” he asked.

“It’s a long story, but I convinced her another man would make her happier.” Sidney replied.

“You did not break your word then?” Crowe asked “You’re not on the run from persecution and Mrs. C.’s wrath?”

“No, but I had cause to break it of myself if she hadn’t. She had enjoyed the company of a certain gentleman a lot while I was traveling. And I found another way to solve my brother’s financial problems, even though it means I have to lower my standard of living considerably.”

“Who was the gentleman who courted Mrs. C. ?” Crowe asked unsuspecting, a little curious.

“You won’t believe it, but it is Sir Edward Denham… So Mrs. C will become a distant relation of yours.” Sideny grinned cynically.

Crowe looked up, a little startled. “Well, don’t tell my Clara for now.” He whispered. Sidney looked a little confused.

“Why, I know there was something going on between them last summer, some argument over Lady D.’s will, but surely that is all irrelevant now?” he argued.

Crowe kept silent. Meanwhile, Clara had picked up some of their words and looked inquisitively at Charlotte. “What is Mr. Parker saying about Sir Edward?” she asked carefully.

Charlotte kept silent for a moment, only increasing Clara’s suspense.

“I wish I didn’t have to tell you this, but you’ll find out sooner or later. Maybe it’s better to prepare you while the man is far away: he has engaged himself to Mrs. Campion. Apparently he has been courting her while Sidney was traveling and well, that’s why Mrs. Campion broke off her engagement to Sidney.” Charlotte tried to convey it carefully, but saw the pain and distress revealing on her friend’s face.

Mrs. Crowe ran out of the room, followed by her husband. Sidney could overhear them talk in the hallway: “He doesn’t deserve it to marry so well. Not after how he’s treated me, how he’s treated Charlotte. I will write to Mrs. Campion, let her know what type of man Sir Edward is.” she cried.

“No you won’t!” Mr. Crowe argued. “He’s a villain, but he’ll suit that witch very well. And you are not going to jeopardise our Charlotte’s future!”

Sidney walked up to Charlotte, still sitting with the baby on the sofa. “Why is Mrs. Crowe so upset about her cousin’s engagement?” he asked his wife, a little puzzled. Charlotte avoided his look. “You know something? Don’t you?” Sidney asked carefully.

Charlotte looked at him: ‘It is not my place to tell.” she whispered.

“Well, I can guess.” he argued “This girl here is born two weeks ago, the beginning of march, so she must have been conceived somewhere…. in the beginning of June? At the time of the Regatta? When she was supposedly conspiring with Sir Edward?” Charlotte said nothing and looked at her feet. “You don’t have to say anything, darling. It is perhaps better if we don’t mention it at all. For this girl’s sake.”

They would stay two nights in the Crowe’s house, they drank and ate together, celebrating the happy events in their lives and trying to forget about the two people who almost destroyed that. They had a jolly evening, but during the late dinner however, Mr. Crowe had a slip of the tongue about what Sidney had confided to him that summer. He asked Sidney if he was going for swim the next morning and shock some more young ladies like he had done with Charlotte.

Charlotte looked at Sidney in shock. She saw his guilty look. “You haven’t…?!” she asked him, infuriated and shocked. She walked from the table up to their room, her hand covering her mouth.

“Thank you, Crowe!” Sidney snorted angrily.

“I’m sorry, I probably said too much, it’s the wine...” the other apologised.

“Indeed you did.” Sidney replied cynically, while moving back his chair to stand up and walk up to Charlotte.

He knocked on the guestroom door. “Go away!” she replied.

“Please, Charlotte, let me in and let me explain, I’d rather not talk through the door.”

She did not respond.

He checked the lock, felt she had not locked it and carefully opened the door. She sat on the bed, sobbing, her back directed to the door.

“I’m sorry, Charlotte,…you have every right to be angry with me.” He said apologetically.

“You told him?” she screamed at him as she turned around.

He looked at his feet in shame. He felt her staring at him in anger.

“I fear I got very drunk the evening after the incident, and Babbers and Crowe were interrogating me about why I was so frustrated that evening and bantering about how you had tongue-lashed me at Lady’ D.’s Luncheon and prompting I had a fascination for you and before I knew it I had a slip of the tongue.”

“Lord Babington knows as well?!”she exclaimed bitterly.

Sidney stared at his feet again. “I’m sure they think no less of you…It’s _me_ they’re ridiculing.” He tried to console her.

“Oh, so you’ve been joking about this, have you… no wonder Mr. Crowe believed you had to save my honour…”

Sidney sighed. “Well, I made it pretty clear that you were perfectly innocent in the matter and were very displeased to find me like that….And to be honest, I was angry with you…for walking so far of alone, with no concern for your reputation and your harsh statement that I was the last person you wanted to see…for your consolation: they’ve been bullying me quite a lot with your fierce rejection of me…so I have had many regrets that I told them what happened after those five bottles of wine.”

Her countenance softened somewhat and she hesitatingly said: “Well, I admit I’ve said one or two things myself I regret because I was too intoxicated.”

He smiled a bit. “You?” he asked with some surprise.

“Well, that awful day when Otis came to Sanditon and Georgiana tricked me into taking her out on a picnic and I felt forced to accompany her when I discovered she had invited him. I drank too much that afternoon -the ale, it was stronger than I was used to- and I misbehaved towards you, I ridiculed you, I yelled the worst accusations at you.”

He looked at her pensively. “You indeed said some awful things… but your reproach was not entirely unfounded and I was not quite behaving like a gentleman myself. I just assumed you deliberately went behind my back. I gave you no chance to explain. And I hadn’t explained my concerns before asking you to watch over her…And I shouldn’t have put you in the position where you had to choose between you loyalty to your friend and a promise to me to watch her.”

Charlotte relaxed a little and smiled: “Well, I was wrong about many things and I think I have saved _your_ reputation now, as you have saved mine, since you are the _only_ man I will see now…”

“Yes, you’ve saved my reputation.” he smiled triumphantly. “So, you’re not _too_ angry with me?” he asked carefully.

“What is the point? We have both done and said things we regret. And as I said, I will judge you only on your behaviour _now_. And I doubt I would find a more caring and loving husband even if I were at liberty to find one.” She reasoned. She bent over to reach for his lips across the bed. They kissed long and slowly, pulling each other’s bodies close and caressing each other. It took a while before they remembered their hosts were still waiting downstairs at the dining table. Sidney took her hand and gently escorted her downstairs again.

They re-entered the dining room.

“Is all well again?” Mr. Crowe asked carefully.

Charlotte smiled, looking lovingly at Sidney.

“Yes, I apologise Mr. Crowe. Mr. Parker and I had a little misunderstanding.”

“I fear that was my fault, I said something that could be misunderstood. I hope you are not angry with you husband?” Mr. Crowe apologised.

“No, I believe I have to pity my husband, for being subjected to ridicule by his friends because of some things I might have said about him in the past.” She answered.

“I fear you are right, Mrs. Parker. Your husband has had to suffer a lot since we noticed his fascination for you.” Mr. Crowe replied amused.

She chuckled: “And when did you notice that exactly?” she asked curiously

“Well, at the pineapple luncheon. But I fear Parker was still in denial then and you were quite hostile towards him yourself.” He grinned.

“He has indeed been suffering a long time then and I’ll have to console him quite a bit.” Charlotte replied, sipping her wine and looking covetously at Sidney.

“Oh yes, do console him.” Mr. Crowe replied playfully.

Sidney smiled a little embarrassed, but amused, as Mr. Crowe gave him a meaningful smile.

“Well, I’m glad to see my friend awakened from his despondency.” Mr. Crowe commented. “The last few times I saw him, he was quite wreck, no fun at all. He’s much better company now’s he’s married to you, Mrs. Parker. It is the first time I notice his good white teeth in a smile, instead of being clenched in anger.”

“Well, he is good company for _me_ at least.” she replied with a blush.

“Oh I’m sure Mr. Parker will be _very_ good company to you.” Mr. Crowe added giving them another meaningful glance.

Sidney looked a little sheepishly. “I’m doing my best.” he responded humbly, looking lovingly at Charlotte.

“Well, I think we need to leave the two of you alone with each other’s company now.” Mr. Crowe remarked. I think Clara and I will retire for now. She’s still recovery from her delivery.”

“Indeed, I am quite exhausted.” Clara smiled apologetically.

As their hosts left the room, Sidney drew Charlotte close to him. “Crowe can be a bit a bully with all his bantering, but deep down there is gentle soul that wants to look after a woman like Clara. And he knew I loved you even before I did.” Sidney apologised for his friend’s behaviour.

“You forget I was witness at their wedding. And despite all his indiscretions, he kept silent about seeing us together on the balcony after dinner at Lady Worcester’s House.”

“He saw that?” Sidney asked, a little startled.

“Yes, well he protected my reputation better than you did, dear.” She reproached him playfully.

“Well, he was not in love with you and desperate to be with you.” Sidney defended himself.

“Well, just show me how desperate you were then.” she said, smiling, as she pulled on his arm to lead him upstairs. “And convince me.”

They had a very comfortable night in the spacious bed despite waking up twice to the baby’s crying, which only induced them to draw each other close again and ignite a new round of ardent love making.

Of course, in the morning, Mr. Crowe couldn’t help remarking that Sidney must have been kept up as much by his own Charlotte as by the baby, but this time Sidney just smiled back in satisfaction without a comment. They had a short Christening ceremony for little Charlotte Crowe in the local Anglican church that afternoon and celebrated with a lavish dinner. Charlotte and Sidney enjoyed a second night in the spacious bed before returning to their cramped accommodation aboard the ship the following morning.


	13. Expectations in life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The journey across the Atlantic has started. They have some discussions about the advancements in navigation with Captain Rogers The Rochester brothers keep making Charlotte feel uncomfortable. The journey is taking its toll on Charlotte, but despite it she starts to work on a doll for Sidonia and has a conversation about children with the reverend's wife, Mrs Johnson.

# 13\. Expectations in life

They set sail to Praia on the Cape Verdean Islands, where a vast amount of fresh water, oranges and other fruit and vegetables and life stock was loaded as well as goods coming from the East Indies. The ship was scrubbed thoroughly, all the passengers checked for any symptom of disease. Charlotte had felt slightly nauseated the past weeks, but so did most of the passengers after more than three weeks on board. But she showed no fever or any sign of infection and was permitted to continue the journey. Charlotte felt the sun burn her skin, but excitingly enjoyed the view over the archipelago, making excited use of her telescope.

“Well, dear. Now the most trying part of the journey starts.” Sidney said as they sailed away from the harbour. “For the following weeks we can only depend on God, the sea, the weather and each other. Pray for enough wind to blow us across swiftly so we don’t run out of provisions, but no not so much that the sea gets rough. And pray that we don’t encounter any privateers and that no disease has boarded our ship… Well at least we do not have to fear any encounters with the French navy anymore. When I first went to Antigua, we were on the verge of war with France…”

“So we live is less dangerous times now?” Charlotte asked.

“Let’s hope so, my dear. And our ships are getting better and faster and more and more people are crossing the ocean every day.”

Over dinner Charlotte asked Captain Rogers after the advances in ship design and the prospects of steam engines for seafaring. “Well.” he said “I’ve heard of them being used for some river boats in the America’s, but I don’t see it happening on the ocean yet. You need a lot of coal, that’s a lot of cargo and quite a cost. It could be useful when there’s no wind, but I don’t wish to find out how unstable such a machine is on the rough sea. I wouldn’t like them to explode so far from the shore, if you gather what I mean.”

“But new inventions and improvements might solve those problems, I think?” Sidney replied “I believe in the prospects. I mean to invest in steamboats myself.”

“Do as you please, my friend, but don’t blow all your money away.” Captain Rogers answered a little cynical.

“So Mrs. Parker enjoys a little steam.” Arnold Rochester commented licentiously. “Together with handling an extendable telescope.” His brother added with a laugh. Charlotte felt uneasy, but decided to ignore the two men and glanced at Sidney who gave the gentlemen an angry look.

The first few days after they left Praia were not bad. The weather was fine, with just enough wind to blow them forward. Though there were no shores to been seen anymore, Charlotte liked to spot sea creatures and at night the sky was clear enough and the air warm enough to sit on the poop deck with Sidney and watch the stars. The water was still potable, the vegetables and fruit still fresh, the people and sheets still relatively clean. She did feel a little queasy when she woke up in the morning and was quick to leave the berth to catch some fresh air on the deck in the morning. Her skin became more oily and she felt a little swollen, which she attributed to the weather.

After more than a week the cabins started to smell more foul despite all the parfums and soap applied, the water tasted increasingly more dilapidated. Besides the fresh sea food and goat’s milk, the food tasted more and more of mold. Charlotte felt her appetite was failing her and she felt faint and tired, but put herself to a little project. After she’d finished some sewing work, she had taken to the plan of making a little doll for Sidonia with some remnants of the textiles. She had asked for a little of the sheep’s wool for filling and embroidered the eyes, nose and mouth on the face.

The younger Mrs. Johnson, the reverend’s wife asked her who it was for, asking in a whisper whether she might be expecting. Charlotte shook her head, she was certain she was not, remembering she had lost a little blood a few days earlier. She explained that their errand was to pick up a relative, an orphaned child, in Antigua, without telling her too many details. Mrs. Johnson blessed her for her kindness and expressed a wish to have children of her own, but that the Lord had preferred it that she and her husband taught other children the Bible. “We all have our role to play. Mine is not to raise children of my own apparently.” she sighed. “Perhaps, one day _you_ will be blessed with one.” Charlotte tried to comfort her: “For a long time I didn’t think I would marry, and only teach my siblings or go work as a governess.” Charlotte said. “But fate has gifted me Mr. Parker when I least expected it.” she said with a smile. “Perhaps God will surprise you too one day.”

“Thank you, dear, for your faith. Do you have many siblings?” Mrs. Johnson asked. “Six sisters and five brothers, ma’am.” Charlotte replied.

“Well, if it runs in the family, you will be blessed with your own children soon enough.” Mrs. Johnson sighed. “And twelve can be quite a burden, I know. But we must never ask God’s reason for distributing new lives so unevenly.” She looked down at her needlework. Charlotte pitied her and decided for herself that all Mrs. Johnson’s stern piousness was a way for her to cope with her own childless fate in a marriage which was nothing more than materially convenient. She wondered if a woman like Mrs. Johnson would not have been happier being an unmarried governess rather than being stuck in a loveless marriage in which she was granted no authority. Mrs. Johnson seemed not to be trying to make her life heaven on earth, but was merely in the waiting room of eternal heaven, enduring her fate till death would free her. No wonder the woman was hardly fearful of storms and disease, she must be welcoming them as opportunities to leave her wretched life.


	14. Horrid Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the Easter celebrations, Sidney has to rescue Charlotte from one of the Rochester brothers. He tries to console her, but she keeps him at distance. She faces negative judgement from their fellow passengers who blame her for what happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter comes with a warning and may be uncomfortable to read, but I wanted to show what women had to face in those days and the 'blame-the-victim-culture' which still prevails in many societies today, as part of the injustices Charlotte tries to fight.

# 1\. Horrid night

More than a week after they had left the Cape Verdean Islands behind them, at the start of April, they celebrated Easter on board. Reverend Johnson held mass on deck for all crew and passengers. Dinner on Easter Sunday and Monday was more lavish than the other days. One of the sheep was slaughtered now they could eat meat again and the cook managed to make some sweet pastries. Charlotte however ate little and retired to bed early. Sidney had been sitting with the Captain Rogers, drinking till late and an hour after he had joined Charlotte he felt a little indigested and needed to relieve himself. Not wishing to bother Charlotte by using the chamber pot in her presence, even though she was asleep, he crept out of the berth. Because he didn’t want to wake up Charlotte and couldn’t find the key in the dark, he walked out the cabin onto the deck, within the cabin door closed, but unlocked, as he had done before. He hung his behind over the railing like most of the sailors did. When he was done, he looked over the moonlit waters and up at the stars to admire them. The moon was almost full. He heard some steps. It was Wilfred Rochester, who commented on what fine a night it was. Sidney confirmed and wished to go back inside, but Mr. Rochester asked him what the rush was. “Is your little Missis impatient to return to her duty?” He laughed licentiously.

“I’m sorry.” Sidney replied a little angry. “I do not see how that is any of your business.”

“No need to anger yourself. You’re quite fortunate with so eager a wife. Oh, don’t pretend. We can hear you both through the panels. All that panting! God, she must be wearing you out.” Wilfred Rochester commented viciously.

“Sir, I think you’ve had too much to drink. I hope you remember to show some more respect in the morning. Now, good night.” Sidney said agitated, but Wilfred Rochester stood in the way and wouldn’t go aside.

“Sir, could you step aside, please.” Sidney asked even more irritated

“I don’t know if I can!” the other exclaimed, laughing out loud.

Sidney pushed him aside and opened the door to the dining area around which the cabins were situated. As he opened the door he heard some bustle coming from the direction of his cabin. He heard a scream from Charlotte and then a man give a cry of pain and cursing. Sidney ran as fast as the rolling floor allowed him to his own cabin, opened the door and saw the silhouette of another man wrestling onto the berth. While one of his hands grabbed the man’s hair, his other flew in a fist in the man’s face, bashed the head against the hull of the ship and again, and again, till someone else grabbed his arm and he had to let go of the unconscious man he was holding. In the little light Sidney saw Charlotte’s fearful and shocked face, while she pulled up her knees and the sheets to her chin and tightened her arms around her knees, shaking.

It was Wilfred Rochester, who had been on de deck, who was trying to stop him from beating the intruder up, accusing Sidney of trying to murder his brother. Sidney, realising the man was an accomplice, gave him a blow to the nose as well with the hand that was still free. The other passengers had woken up and it was not before long that reverend Johnson, the two Portuguese men and Captain Rogers were with them. Captain Rogers seeing the half unconscious, bleeding head of Arnold Rochester laying half in the Parkers’ cabin and seeing a heated Sidney being held back by the other men in the candle light, called in some crew members to keep order. He had Arnold Rochester pulled out of the Parker’s cabin, and closed the cabin door to remove Charlotte from the sight of the others. He took Sidney apart, asking what had happened. Sidney, still rather beside himself with anger, hissed that he had found a man in his cabin trying to force himself on his wife, while his brother had tried to keep him outdoors. Captain Rogers looked sternly at him. “Okay, this a very serious accusation. Now check up on your wife, then I’ll hear the accused, if they’re able to talk.” In the background, Mr. Johnson had gone to his own wife and his mother, telling them to stay inside and keep away from the sight of sin, which was as they had feared.

Sidney quickly opened the door to the cabin, and in the candle light he still saw Charlotte frozen pretty much in the same position, trembling. He sat down on the berth, tried to pull her in his arms, only to find that she flinched at his touch. She buried her head in her knees and starting sobbing, while rocking her body back and forth. He had never seen her so broken, not even that night in London when she was attacked by a mugger and roamed the streets of London alone. She looked more defeated than when they had rescued Georgiana and had started to doubt everything she knew. He felt helpless, he had failed to protect her from the very thing he feared most and she wouldn’t allow him to console her. All he could do was stroke her hair with his right hand. He carefully laid his left hand on top of her right. She grabbed it most forcefully and she squeezed it so tightly it hurt. He could feel her body was stiffened with fear. He gently pulled her closer to him. She flinched again, but then relaxed a little and allowed him to pull her head against his shoulder. “Hush, I’m here, I’m here.” He whispered to her endlessly. When she seemed to calm down a little he looked her in the eyes. “Tell me what happened, Charlotte. Please talk to me.” She started sobbing again.

“Has he…”there was a tone of anger in his voice. “… has he… entered..” he could not finish his sentence. He felt his hands clench and her flinch. “No..” she whispered almost inaudibly. “But if you hadn’t come…” she said, shuddering. She lowered the sheet and showed him her torn night shift. “I was able to stop him…”she said with a tremble “till you came…if you hadn’t come back…” she started sobbing again. Sidney sighed a little relieved and tried to hug her, but again she shrivelled. “It’s me Charlotte, not him.” he whispered. “You’re safe now.”. “But I don’t _feel_ safe.” she said, shrugging him off. He felt a pang inside. She started rubbing her arms and body in her distress.

“What can I do, Charlotte?” he asked in despair.

“Get me some water, soap, get me clean sheets and clothes, scrub me clean.” she said bitterly after a silence. “I want to wash him off. Sea water will do.”

Sidney stepped out of the cabin and Captain Rogers asked him: “How is she?”

Sidney looked at him bitter and wounded: “That man has robbed something very precious to me.”

“Has he...”asked Captain Rogers carefully.

“He has tried, he didn’t succeed, but it was enough to take the light out of her eyes. I swear to God, I’ll take my revenge on those two.” Sidney spoke angrily.

“Calm yourself, don’t take matters in your own hand. I’ll have them locked up below deck and in the morning I’ll see what I’ll do with them.”

Sidney, looking quite defeated, asked: “Right now she would like some water to wash it off.” Captain Rogers looked difficult at the request, with the gentle wind, their journey was taking longer than average and water had to be rationed. “Sea water if fresh water is a problem.” Captain Rogers nodded. “I’ll have a crew member fill a bucket.”

Sidney got Charlotte her bucket of water. He wanted to help her undress, but she told him to go, she didn’t want him to see her like that, even though he had seen her wash several times now. He felt she was blaming him. He had left her alone. He had left the door open. He sat in front of the door, on the floor, collapsed in his defeat.

Charlotte meanwhile squatted down next to the bucket of seawater. She had found her soap, she pulled off her night shift, scrubbed herself with a wash cloth till her skin was red, all the while trying to process what had happened. She had been fast asleep when she had heard a noise, someone coming in the cabin. She first thought it was Sidney and had moved over to let him get onto the berth, but the body she felt crawling on top of her felt strange. First she froze, then she tried to push him away and tried to scream, but he had quickly put his hand over her mouth, while his knee tried to move her legs part. She had felt his other hand crawl under the sheet and rip up her night shift. She had bitten the hand on her mouth, real hard, till he screamed in pain. He had become angry, had punched her face, and tried to pull apart her legs by force, all the while sneering at her that she would like him like she liked her husband. He had almost succeeded in his quest when Sidney came in and pulled him off. She had never seen Sidney that angry, not even when he had tried to take revenge on Otis for bringing Georgiana to danger. And this time she could not calm him down. It had frightened her. She saw the hurt and the anger in his eyes, then she heard other voices and when the stranger and Sidney were pulled out of the cabin and she was alone again, all she could do was tremble. When Sidney returned and tried to console her she wanted him to hug her and at the same time she couldn’t endure his touch.

She put on a clean chemise, ripped the sheets of the berth and threw clean ones on. Still the thought of lying there again abhorred her. She tried to push open the cabin door, but felt it was blocked. Sidney moved aside and took the bucket from her. He asked her if he could come inside. She sighed with a sob. “I need to get out of here.”

“The others are back in bed. Captain Rogers is making sure the men are locked up.” he said softly. “ _Men?!_ ” She exclaimed with disgust and surprise. “They were working together, the two brothers.” He said. “One was distracting me, while the other…” “wanted his way with me…”she said bitterly, she put on her coat and stepped out. “Take me to the deck. I need some fresh air.” she said. He wanted to put his arm around her, but she stopped him “Please, don’t.” she said sharply. She avoided his wounded look “Just my hand.” she said, taking his.

He felt her trembling while they walked to the door and climbed up to the poop deck. The cool air and the bright moonlit sky seemed to appease her a little. She stared in the distance holding one hand one the railing, the other squeezing his hand. She kept silent for a while, then started speaking with a trembling voice: “How can such a peaceful night contain such horror?”

He sighed “Oh Charlotte, my dearest Charlotte….” he said with a sob in his voice.

“I must disgust you now.” she said with a bitter voice. “I’m tainted.”

“No, Charlotte, you’re damaged, but not tainted.”

“Indeed, I’m damaged goods now, I feel it, I’ve tried to rub of the stain, but I still feel tainted.”

“We’ll make them pay, Charlotte, for what they’ve done, we’ll revenge your honour.”

She scoffed. “My honour, undoubtedly the Johnsons say it’s my fault.”

“No, Charlotte..”

“I heard them talk, for them I’m to blame.”

“No, Charlotte, you are not to blame…I blame myself for leaving you alone. I couldn’t find the key, I didn’t want to wake you when I needed to go out. I should have asked you to bolt the door, but I was to return within a minute… but that awful man started talking to me, blocking my way back….”he sounded bitter.

“Oh Sidney…”she sobbed

They heard footsteps behind them, he felt her startle and freeze. It was captain Rogers, who looked at her carefully. “How are you ma’am?” he asked. Charlotte looked down at her feet, she could not answer.

“All right, you do not need to talk now. I just want to let you how very sorry I am for what has happened. And to tell you that the Rochester brothers are locked up below. They cannot come near you again.” She nodded while she trembled and looked up at him. He examined her face, where a bruise was starting to show on her cheek bone. “I will need to hear from you what happened. But it can wait till tomorrow. You may go back to sleep if you can. ”

“I… can’t” she said.

“We’ll stay outside for a while, if we may.” Sidney added.

Captain Rogers sighed: “Don’t stay too long. We wouldn’t want you falling overboard.” Sidney nodded.

They sat down on the deck against the railing. She sat beside him. He wanted to put his arms around her, but she felt too locked up, and pushed them away. He kissed and stroked her hair, while they silently watched the bow of the ship plunge up and down gently. The sight of it soothed her a little. After an hour or two he asked her if she was ready to go back inside. “I have to sometime.” she answered reluctantly. She allowed him to take her by the arm and take her inside. In front of the cabin door she shuddered. He squeezed her hand gently.

Back inside she climbed on the berth and he could feel her trembling. She flinched when he tried to lie beside her. “A trembling soft “No..” left her mouth.

“Do you want me to leave?” he asked 

“Yes,…no…”she said in confusion.

“I won’t leave you alone…, not again…I’ll lie on the floor just here.” He whispered. “I’m right here if you need me.”

He pushed the empty chamber pot on the floor to the foot end. And laid their coats down and some woollen blankets that were not needed for cover now that they were in warmer latitudes. Then he remembered something and pulled out her trunk from under the crib. He took out her old doll Suzy, that Mr. Heywood had brought with him to Portsmouth. He tried to put the doll in her arms. She startled at first, as she could not see what it was directly, but then he felt she drew Suzy close to her. She calmed down a little, as she turned her back to the door and curled up while he stroked her hair back till she finally fell asleep before he rested himself on the floor.

As the hard ship’s floor in combination with the rolling of the boat reminded him of his captivity some months before, he had trouble getting to sleep, but eventually exhaustion caught up with him. When he woke up the next morning and daylight came in through the cracks, he saw her sitting straight up again, staring motionless at the door. He stood up and seated himself beside her. She shrivelled. “He can’t come here.” he said softly.

“No, not him.” she said

He sighed: “How badly you must think of our sex.”

“Not all of you… I just don’t know who to trust anymore.” Her voice squeaked.

“I’m never going to leave you alone again.”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.” she sneered “There will always be moments when you can’t be with me.”

“No, but I should have someone else guard you if I can’t , I should have arranged for a maid to come with us.” He said with regret in his voice.

“That won’t be necessary. She would just be at risk herself. It’s just, I expected to be safe up here.”

“I know, I didn’t expect the wolves to come here.”

“I don’t know what I dread more. Staying in here, or facing the others.”

“You have nothing to be ashamed of, Charlotte. It was not your fault.”

“Judgement or pity, I don’t know what’s worse.” She said bitterly.

“We will get past this, Charlotte. You are the strongest woman I know, It will take time, but we’ll get past this.”

“I don’t feel very strong now.” she said, sobbing

He tried consoling her, gently pulling her head to his shoulder. Again she flinched at his touch. “Charlotte. I want to hug and console you, but you’re pushing me away.” he said with a sad voice.

“I’m sorry, I can’t bear anybody touching me right now.” She cried in a whisper. “I need time.. I need space….”

“Take all the time you need, darling.” He said softly.

He climbed down the berth, got dressed and stepped out of the cabin to give her space. He waited at the big table in front of the cabin door. The others were already awake and had gone up to the deck. After some time, Sidney heard the cabin door being unlatched, and saw Charlotte come out. He stood up. Now that there was more light, he could see her face better, and the bruise just under her eye, on her cheek bone. His mouth dropped open.

“Is it _that_ bad?” she asked him sternly.

“ _That_ at least will go away.” He said softly.

She took her bonnet, put it on. “I need some fresh air.” she said. “I’m nauseated.” He nodded and followed her. On the deck, where the others were standing, enjoying the morning sun, she merely nodded at the Johnsons. She only stared at the ships trail in the water from the rear. They were called inside for breakfast. She sat down at a corner of the table with Sidney beside her and didn’t look up; she could barely swallow down her biscuits and goat’s milk.

After breakfast Captain Rogers asked her to come into his quarters, to complete his inquiries. “I must speak to her alone.” He said to Sidney, who reluctantly waited in front of the door.

Charlotte trembled as she sat down across the captain’s table.

“I’m sorry I have to ask you after the details of what happened.” Captain Rogers said “But we’re at sea, as the captain it is my jurisdiction to investigate any crime on board my ship and pass judgement.”

Charlotte told her account of what happened. He asked her if there was anything she left out that she didn’t want her husband to know. “You see, Mrs. Parker. I need to be sure that Mr. Parker has not pressed you to alter the truth a bit for your good name.”

“I have nothing to hide from him, sir.” she replied

“Those bruises on your face, on your arms, they are not your husband’s doing?”

“No!” she said in shock “Sidney would never hurt me!”

“Well, forgive me for asking. In know him to have a bit of a temper, and considering how heavily he beat Arnold Rochester and his brother, I was worried he had taken it out on you too. He wouldn’t be the first husband to use his fists on his wife.”

Charlotte looked shocked: “No, Sidney would never use any force on me.” she said sternly.

“Well, I’m glad to hear that.”

“The thing is Mrs. Parker, that your alleged assaulter claims that he was merely mistaken in finding his cabin and that you led him on.”

“Led him on!” she exclaimed with disgust “That piece of filth has been preying on me, but I have never given him any encouragement whatsoever…And there’s no logic in his statement…Either he was mistaken, in which case he would have quickly apologised and left or he deliberately came to my cabin…I was asleep and I was not expecting anybody besides my husband!” She hissed.

“Is it possible you mistook him for your husband?” he asked

“For a moment when he came in I thought it was Sidney, but as soon as he touched me, I knew it could not be. I wanted to scream, but he muffled me. It was only after I bit his hand, that I could call for help.”

“Your husband says he has not succeeded in his attempt to rape you, is that true?”

“I was able to resist him long enough till Sidney came to my rescue.” She replied a little relieved

“Well, thank God for that!” captain Rogers replied in soft voice “Now, the penalty for rape is death. If he is guilty of that I shall have to throw him overboard.”

Charlotte widened her eyes.

“I see that that shocks you.”

“I…”she said.

“Now, since he has not succeeded, that does not apply.” He said. She sighed. “I see you do not wish them put to death.” He asked with some curiosity.

“I don’t know what I wish, sir. I want them punished, prevent them from doing it again, but I do not want to be responsible for anybody’s death, sir.”

“I see…. well, I’m keeping them locked up till we reach Antigua. Then it is up to the local magistrate to decide whether they will be prosecuted.” Captain Rogers concluded.

She nodded.

“I must warn you, that if they prosecute, it will be a nasty affair, especially for you, ma’am.”

She looked up at him a little confused. “They’ll be asking you a lot of questions and you have to answer them in public. And the interrogators may be less friendly with you than I am now. I know both you and your husband, I’ve spent enough time with Rochester brothers to know they are a nasty pair, I’ve witnessed the crime scene. I see your bruises now. But in Antigua they might look at things differently and you may find yourself scrutinized. It will be your word against theirs. And you will have to explain every detail in public…Now just think over if you want to press charges. I need to speak to your husband now.”

Charlotte stood up and went to Sidney. He inspected her countenance. “Are you all right?” he asked “Was it not too terrible?”

“Apparently it can be a lot worse….he wants to speak to you now.” She said with a trembling voice. She waited outside the door, her arms crossed in front of her. Her eyes looked from left to right as if something could jump at her at any second. She didn’t even notice her nails burying themselves rather deeply in her flesh through the thin fabric of her sleeves. When the door opened again she startled. Sidney and Captain Rogers came out. Sidney looked a little depressed.

“Are you all right?” he asked her, seeing how spooked she looked.

“I’m not sure if I’ll ever be all right again.” she replied

“Let’s go up to the deck.” he said. On deck he started about what Captain Rogers had said about the procedure. “There’s a risk they’ll be pressing charges against me as well.”

“What for?” Charlotte asked

“For assault.” He replied “The brothers have complained about reacting ‘disproportionally’.” he said with a sneer.

“They can’t be serious?!”Charlotte exclaimed.

“No, and Captain Rogers will back us up. But it shows we’re up against something. They’re not going to submit lightly. They will make it as nasty for us as they can. They claim to know quite some influential people.”

“Don’t you?”

“I still know some people, yes….what I’m afraid of is that this goes public. ”

“And you’re ashamed of me, what has happened to me…”she said with some bitterness.

“No Charlotte! but I want to spare you the humiliation….” He quickly intervened.

“You want to let them get away with it?” she asked with disgust

“No, I’d rather wish they’d be thrown overboard, so we could put this behind us. It’s taking me a lot of constraint not to go down and finish them off myself.” He said angrily.

“You will do no such thing!” she said with a strict voice, “Promise me you will not take matters in your on hand, but that we’ll follow the law.” He sighed. “I mean it Sidney. I do not want to see you hanged or in jail. I do not want to lose you!”

“I promise.” He said in earnest “But for _your_ sake only!”

They went back inside. Charlotte continued working on the doll for Sidonia, while Sidney watched her. He noticed that she stopped several times and merely gazed in front of her. Reverend Johnson joined them. “I wish to pray for your soul ma’am.” he said. “Infidelity is a serious thing, but if you repent…” Charlotte widened her eyes and gasped for air. Sidney sprang up and slammed his fist on the table. “What did you just say, sir? Are you accusing my wife?”

“Well, eh we did warn her that she might tempt the gentlemen…” reverend Johnson stammered.

“You will take that back , sir!” Sidney said infuriated. “My wife has been the victim of some vicious scoundrels and you dare accuse her? You better apologise and pray for your _own_ soul, mister, because I believe God keeps a special place in hell for people like you!” Sidney almost flung at the reverend across the table.

“Sidney please! Control yourself! The reverend has been misinformed and you have corrected him.” Charlotte exclaimed “Now, Mr. Johnson, would you be so kind as to leave us alone!?” she said with controlled anger in her voice.

“Well, I apologise if I have things wrong, I meant no harm.” Mr. Johnson stammered and he left.

Captain Rogers came to check what the noise was all about, Sidney took him apart and whispered. “I’ll speak to the Johnsons.” Captain Rogers said. And the Johnsons left them alone for the remainder of the journey. Only Mrs. Eleanor Johnson, the reverend’s wife, came to Charlotte one day as her husband and mother-in-law stood outside on the deck: “I feel for you ma’am. It could have been me….But my husband has forbidden me to socialise with you. But I want you to know I do not condemn you. I pray you find the strength to be happy again.”

Charlotte thanked her “I’ll do the same for you.” she replied, looking meaningfully in Eleanor Johnson’s eyes, whose eyes reddened before she turned away.

The following weeks Charlotte experienced in a haze. She sewed the doll, she sewed clothes, though she spent more time just gazing in front of her. She listened to the Johnsons’ monotonous reading of the Bible and for the first time it had something soothing, a rhythm to align her rambling thoughts with. She ate her meals without appetite. She and Sidney spoke very little. They had stopped playing card games because Charlotte was too distracted. Sidney held her hand and stroked her hair from time to time, but she was not ready for more intimacy. He kept sleeping on the cabin floor. Captain Roger had offered him the use of one of the Rochester’s cabins, but he didn’t want to leave Charlotte alone in the cabin. It reminded him of the deck floor he had slept on when he was in captivity of Barbary Privateers. He sometimes woke up from his own nightmares, if she wasn’t the one waking up, screaming, and he could only sooth her with his voice. When he tried to hug her she would flinch or lash out at him in reflex. In the mornings she often felt nauseated and fled to the deck before breakfast for some fresh air.

She felt sorry for Sidney, keeping him at distance. From time-to-time she tried to allow him to put his arm around her, give her a gentle kiss, even though her body stiffened. He was patient, but she could see he felt hurt because she rejected him now. She could feel his anger and frustration, as he often slammed his fist against the bed, she could feel the tension in his hand when he held hers. She could hear him groan at night as his back hurt from the uncomfortable bed on the floor.


	15. Antigua

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlotte and Sidney reach Antigua. Charlotte struggles with reconciling the beautiful scenery with the attrocities of Antiguan society. Being away from the ship, her spirits start to lift. Sidney takes her to some romantic places, but she is confronted again with his past indiscretions has she meets some of his old acquaintances. The maid who serves her appears to be one of Mr. Lambe's former slaves. Sidney meanwhile starts his search for Sidonia, but meets with some difficulty.

# 15\. Antigua

After more than four weeks at sea without any stop, by the end of April, they finally got sight of Antigua. Sidney eagerly pointed out to Charlotte where to direct her telescope and where she would see the lighthouse and any other towers. She was both relieved and nervous. Relieved at the prospect of land under her feet, and a bath, nervous at the prospect of having the Rochester brothers persecuted, looking for Sidonia, seeing this tropical island.

As they sailed to the harbour of St. Johns, she looked at the beautiful and peaceful palm beaches, saw Fort James on the cliff and felt she was entering a little paradise. For the first time in weeks she felt her spirits lifted a little. She watched from the deck how all the goods were carried on land and Sidney gave instructions as to where their goods were to be brought. And he came back with some men who took charge of their trunks and loaded them on an open carriage that waited for them. They said their goodbyes to Captain Rogers, who was on the verge of calling on the local magistrate to discharge of the prisoners on board. Sidney helped Charlotte on the quay and into the carriage. For the first time in weeks he saw a little smile on her face as she curiously looked around. It struck her that most of the people she saw in the street were dark coloured. “Are they all slaves?” she asked him carefully. “Most of them are, I’m afraid.” he said with a sigh. She nodded uneasy and her smile slowly dropped again.

They stopped at a beautiful white hotel. Sidney helped Charlotte out and servants took their trunks inside. He let her sit down in the lobby while he arranged a suite for them. The rooms were spacious and lavishly decorated. She noticed there were two bedrooms and asked him whether this luxury accommodation was not too big an expense. He reassured her that the costs were covered with the revenue of the extra goods they were trading and the rent of their house in London. And this hotel was more ‘family friendly’ has he called it than the regular inn, offering a suitable dining room and parlour for ladies “and you can have your own bed, if that’s what you prefer.” he said carefully.

“I think we can sleep in one bed…”she said “They’re large beds…” she added hesitantly, looking at her feet to avoid his eyes.

“I understand if you’re not ready to resume…our physical relationship.” he said with a gentle, but slightly bitter voice. She smiled faintly at him. “In any case, we need space for Sidonia and perhaps a nurse….I’ve asked for a maid to come and help you unpack and prepare a bath for you.” He said. “You can freshen up, so will I.”

A mulatto woman entered their bedroom after a knock. A bath was carried in and a few other coloured women followed with jugs of warm water. Sidney left Charlotte alone with them. The women hung up her dresses, and gathered everything that needed to be washed from her trunk. One of them took out the torn night shift that she had worn the night Arnold Rochester had tried to rape her and asked whether she should mend it. “Put it away!” Charlotte replied with a bitter trembling voice “I do not want to see it again.” Carice, the maid who was getting her ready for bath looked in her in the eyes through the reflection in the mirror and her look of understanding told Charlotte she was not the only one with a bad experience. Charlotte wondered whether these maids were slaves. The idea of using slave labour appalled her, but at the same time these women were so kind she could not send them away.

Carice washed her hair, scrubbed her. She looked at the bruises that were still showing on her legs and wrists. She again gave Charlotte a look of understanding. “Someone’s been rough on you, miss?” she asked carefully. “Charlotte bit her lip and nodded.

“I’m sorry if Master Parker treats you badly.” Carice said consolingly.

“It was not Mr. Parker.” Charlotte replied softly. “He’s been ever so kind and gentle.”

Carice nodded in understanding “I’m glad you have a kind husband” she said, her voice implicating that that was not always the case.

After her bath, Charlotte was dressed. Sidney came to ask her to go out, but she felt rather dizzy and tired. “You probably have to get used to the hot climate, dear.” he said. “I need to make inquiries about Sidonia straight away. Can I leave you with Carice?” Charlotte nodded. She sat down in the shade of their balcony, to feel the ocean breeze cool her moist skin. Sidney had tea sent up and she watched over the hotel garden and the street. In the distance she saw the ocean and boats sailing. She asked Carice to come and sit with her. Carice hesitated. “I’m not allowed ma’am.” Carice apologised.

“But what if I ask you too?” Charlotte replied surprised.

“It’s just, if someone sees, they could complain…I would get in trouble. People like me are not supposed to sit down.” Carice said anxiously.

“I see…”Charlotte replied “It’s just that I don’t want to be alone, I don’t know anybody here, I’ve never been in a strange country before.” Looking a little insecure.

“Master Parker has been here before.” Carice said carefully.

“Yes, Mr. Parker has lived her several years. And my friend Georgiana is from here, Georgiana Lambe, But she’s Mrs. Molyneux now.”

“Miss Lambe? You’re her friend? I knew Miss Lambe, I used to work for her father. He was a good man, Mr. Lambe, he set us free. ”Carice replied with a faint smile.

“Then you must know my husband quite well?” Charlotte asked her curiously.

“A little, he had left shortly after I started working in Mr. Lambe’s house.”

“Did you know Sally?” Charlotte asked carefully

Carice looked at her a little in shock. “What do you know about a girl named Sally, ma’am?” she asked, her voice trembling

“She cared for my husband a long time ago, but something terrible happened to her.”

Carice nodded: “Yes and they shot her dead when she tried to escape.”

Charlotte took her hand: “She’s not dead, at least not till some months ago.” Carice looked at her a little startled. “My husband got a letter stating she’d survived and had a child… his child.” Charlotte added softly. “We’re here to find her and take care of her.”

Carice looked at her a little puzzled. “You’re saying you come here to find your husband’s bastard child with a slave.” She said it with a touch of sarcasm. Charlotte nodded. “Well, ma’am, forgive me for being so frank, but you are the first to do so. You’re a good woman, most white people don’t even care about their own offspring. Many of us have white fathers, but for them we just properties.” Charlotte smiled a little embarrassed.

She went to lie down on the bed and slumbered for an hour or so. Before dinner, Sidney returned. He had checked his goods in the warehouse and had seen a solicitor to make legal arrangements for the acknowledgement of his daughter and had tried to make inquiries about where to find Sidonia, as the given address was quite unclear. He had tried to reach the nun who had nursed Sally, but it appeared she had passed away herself. Nobody at the Catholic Church knew where they lady lived who had taken Sidonia home with her. He came back to Charlotte quite discouraged.

Charlotte hesitatingly gave him a consoling hug, ran her fingers through his hair. “We’ll find her Sidney!” She told him Carice had been acquainted with Sally, but was unaware of her survival.

“Good, she might help us find the right people.” He said. “If you’re not too tired, I would like to take you for a walk and see the sunset before we have dinner.”

He took her by the arm and escorted her outside. They walked to the beach. She saw other couples doing the same. On the beach they sat down. They took off their shoes to feel the sand under their feet. She smiled, remembering her summer in Sanditon. Looking in his eyes, she saw him thinking the same. It was all coming back to her, how they met and how she’d fallen in love with him. She looked at him in admiration and saw hope glimmer in his eyes.

She chuckled when she thought of how Mrs. Griffiths would react to her sitting in the sand with her feet bare. Sidney curiously asked her why she laughed.

“I was thinking how scandalous Mrs. Griffiths would think of me having my shoes off and showing my ankles”

“It _is_ very scandalous, Mrs. Parker.” he said in jest. “You don’t realise how tempting their sight is, I remember you showing you bare feet and ankles during the sandcastle contest when I took Mrs. Campion there and I more or less forgot to speak to her for the next hour or so, distracted as I was by the sight of your feet.”

“It was the fault of my feet then and not the rest of me?” she asked playfully, smiling.

“Well, it started with your feet, glittering with sand, then there was your irresistible smile with those rosy lips, your eyes, those brown locks of hair flapping in the wind…your playful interaction with the children. I thought I had found what I wanted for ten years, but as soon as I saw you…I was just totally at loss….”She blushed and smiled at him. “I’m glad to see you smile again” he said softy.

“There’s something magical about this place.” She said. “I feel better now we’re away from that ship, that horrible cabin…”she shivered for a moment.

“Don’t think back, Charlotte.” he said softly. “I’m glad we’re off the ship as well, it reminded me too much of my last voyage, when I got captured.”

‘I’m sorry, I’ve been so pre-occupied with what happened, I had little eye for _your_ anxieties.” She whispered apologetically, running her fingers through his hair.

“You’re here by my side, Charlotte, that’s enough for me.”

As the sun turned the sky orange, he gently pulled her close and kissed her on the mouth and for the first time in weeks she welcomed him to it. He looked her in the eyes again, reading her insecurity and stood up to take her back to the hotel for dinner. She asked if they would eat pineapple.

“Real Antigua Black, Lady.” He chuckled “…and without maggots this time.” They laughed as they remembered the awkward lunch at Lady Denham’s house.

“We should bring some back for Arthur and Georgiana.” Charlotte suggested in jest.

Sidney amusedly replied: “Well it will be difficult to get them there. They’re a bit like Georgiana, they don’t like being transported to old and cold England, it ruins their sweetness.” They walked back in silence, arm in arm, just glancing and smiling at each other as if they had just discovered their love for one another.

At dinner Charlotte tasted sweet potato, lobster and pineapple for the first time. But only the pineapple and other fruits would agree with her stomach. Sidney grinned: “We’ll see if we can get some sausages for you. And I’ll buy you a pineapple a day. You’ve not been eating well the past few weeks. We need to fatten you up a bit.”

“I’m sorry. I’ve just been seasick, and I probably have to get used to the taste of things. But I don’t think I have lost any weight, I feel rather puffy.” Charlotte said apologetically.

Some old acquaintances of Sidney’s stopped at their table, all curious about the woman who had ‘tamed’ this notorious bachelor. Sidney smiled a little embarrassed at the remarks of Mrs. Smithson that he had broken the hearts of several young Antiguan ladies. “I apologise. “he said “For anyone I’ve hurt in the past. I guess I was not capable of love in those days…it is Charlotte here that has repaired my heart.” Charlotte smiled humbly at his warm words.

“Well, that is quite an achievement.” Mrs. Smithson said amused. “How did she accomplish that, I’m curious.”

Sidney looked up: “Brutal honesty, ma’am. Telling me straightforward how unpleasant my behaviour was, how I neglected my responsibilities and how disdainful I looked at love.”

Mrs. Smithson did her best not to burst out laughing. “Well, how remarkable! Should we recommend our girls to criticize the bachelors they pursue then rather than being amiable and friendly?” She asked playfully.

“Well, I can’t speak for other men, but if friendliness doesn’t work, the opposite might.” he smiled. “As long as it comes from the heart.”

Charlotte felt a little embarrassed: “Stop it, Sidney, you make it sound like I have no manners at all.”

“I apologise, dear… the truth is, Mrs. Smithson, that Mrs. Parker here was behaving perfectly agreeable, but I was so fearful of my attraction to her, I behaved rather ungentlemanlike and she’s let me know. The blame of any impropriety lies with me.”

“I would have guessed so.” Mrs. Smithson smiled, whispering to Sidney: “Your wife seems to be a rather sweet young woman.” He smiled, looking at Charlotte with adoration. “She’s wonderful.” he said.

Another lady, Mrs. Percival, approached them. Sidney greeted her with polite distance, but Mrs. Percival felt it necessary to assert how familiar she was with Sidney, much to the annoyance of both Sidney and Charlotte. Waving her fan quite close to Sidney’s face, tapping on his shoulder with her hand and showing a rather licentious smile. There was a slyness in her voice as she congratulated them: “Well, Congratulations, Mrs. Parker, you’ve captured one of the best specimen of the other sex, I can assure you that Mr. Parker will give you much pleasure in life.” She gave a meaningful glance to both Charlotte and Sidney.

By the way that Sidney kept silent, forced a smile and avoided to look her in the eye, Charlotte could tell he felt extremely uneasy. After Mrs. Percival had walked on, Charlotte kept staring at Sidney with a tight face, till he lifted his gaze and met her eye. “Sidney, is there anything you want to tell me?” she asked him.

He sighed “I would rather not be indiscrete.”

“Well, Mrs. Percival seems to have few problems with indiscretion.” Charlotte smirked.

Sidney sighed while Charlotte looked at him disdainfully: “Charlotte, you know I’m far from perfect and that I’ve made errors in the past, and I have known other women. And yes, when I was bachelor there may have been some lonely women who have sought my company. ”

“Some?” Charlotte asked cynically, raising her eyebrows. “Do all the ladies in Antigua know my husband and how pleasurable he can be?”

Sidney sighed: “Look, things are a bit more free flowing here than they are in Willingden, or in London, even. The men, when they’re bored with their wives, resort to their female slaves and their lonely wives seek other company. It’s not unusual, and as long as one remains discreet about it, nobody cares.”

She stared at him reproachingly: “Well, I care.”

“I’m not proud of myself, Charlotte, but I haven’t behaved worse than most people here.” Sidney said with some irritation.

Charlotte looked with pitiful at him: “Well, you were right. This world corrupts people. The beauty of this island is deceptive, it’s full of vice.” She sneered, adding: “and I’m glad I’m here to keep an eye on you.”

“I too am glad you’re with me, Charlotte, even now that I’m facing my not so beautiful past.” he said apologetically: “But know that I will never give you a reason to be jealous. You’re angry about things that happened long before I met you… Please trust me.” She cast down her eyes. He sighed “Look at me, Charlotte, I love you, I married you and I mean to be faithful to you….I know I have betrayed you in the past with Mrs. Campion…but I can swear that ever since I met you on the cliffs, walking with Mary, no other woman has appealed to me, not even Eliza…”

“Please don’t mention her name, Sidney.” Charlotte whispered “I know that you had to explore what remained of your feelings for her, why you had engaged yourself to her…Just don’t remind me that I almost lost you to her, please… I know that you did not enter our marriage innocently and without experience…it is after all the very reason why we’re here…I just don’t like knowing their names and faces…and I particularly don’t like it when another woman is touching you up like she has some sort of claim on you.”

He smiled and looked her in the eye deeply: “Well then you know how I feel when other men flirt with you…”

She froze for a moment , but recollected herself. “I’m not faultless either, Sidney, I can have a temper, just like you and I’m capable of the mortal sin of jealousy.”

“I know, and I love you for your spirited character.” He said warmly, then he grinned: “well, next time Mrs. Percival is showing impertinent behaviour I expect you to challenge her for a duel to protect my honour.”

Charlotte chuckled: “Well, I think we ladies solve that a little differently, I don’t think you’ll want us to draw pistols or starting to beat each up.”

“Well, that would be interesting, And I know you’d win..” he bantered.

“You know that when you tell me to duel, I’ll just decide against it, don’t you.” she said playfully.

“Well you caught me there… come dance with me and we’ll show all the ladies here they stand no chance with me.” He held out his hand to lead her to the dancefloor. He wanted them to shine together, but he noticed she was quite distracted and though she tried to keep her smile up, he saw her shrivel every time they had to change partners or when the choreography demanded close proximity. Some other men asked her to dance, but she excused herself and let Sidney know she wished to retire to bed, feeling quite exhausted. So he escorted her upstairs, asked Carice to help her undress and get ready for bed.

He changed himself in the other room and knocked on the bedroom door. She let him know he could enter. She was lying in bed and he sat himself down on the edge of the bed and examining her with his eyes. “You may come sleep here.” she said “If that’s what you want to ask….as long as we can just lay still. I’m not ready to…”

“I know.” he whispered “Just being with you is enough for me… I don’t want to force anything.”

“Thank you for being patient with me.” She said with a sad voice.

“I’m right here, Charlotte, I’m not going anywhere, if that’s what you’re afraid of.”

She smiled a little embarrassed, as she did fear he might be invited to another bed if not in hers.

She slept better that night. Whether it was the king-sized bed, the satin sheets, the comfortable warm temperature or the fact the she had been able to laugh that day and was no longer remembered of her assaulter because she no longer had to sleep at the site, for the first time in weeks she felt a little relaxed.


	16. Laws

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sidney and Charlotte meet with the magistrate and their lawyer. They are pressured not to persecute the Rochester brothers. Their uncle appears to be an old, powerful enemy of Sidney's. Charlotte gets angry with their lawyer when he advices them to pursue justice through private law, in a way that is offensive to Charlotte. The difficulty of tracing Sidonia discourages Sidney. He worries about Charlotte's health, but is glad to see her spirits return.

# 16\. Laws

She woke up feeling her hand in Sidney’s and his loving eyes watching hers. For a moment she wanted to kiss him, but she felt nausea coming up and she quickly jumped out of bed to find a bowl to empty her stomach. Sidney asked her worryingly if she was okay. “I think dinner did not agree with me.” she replied, but otherwise I’m all right.”

He got up and felt her forehead. “Well, I don’t sense a fever, and maybe you just have to get used to the climate, the food and the land, but warn me if you feel worse.” She nodded. They had breakfast in their room. Sidney had deliberately asked for some hearty pastries and sausages to stir Charlotte’s appetite. She was not very hungry, but did eat a few sausages.

After they were dressed, they had a visitor, Sidney’s solicitor and lawyer, Mr. Harrod. Mr. Harrod was a short and plump middle-aged man. He was an old friend of Sidney’s, handled much of his affairs in Antigua, and had been the executor of Mr. Lambe’s will. Thus, he was the one who arranged Sidney’s guardianship of Georgiana. After some polite inquiries after the new Mrs. Molyneux and Mrs. Parker he shared his news. They were summoned at the magistrate’s office to elucidate their complaint against the Rochester brothers. And Mr. Harrod explained he was trying to find out more about the nun who had written Sally’s letter and her whereabouts about three of four months prior, hoping it would give a lead . And he explained possible difficulties in acknowledging Sidonia as Sidney’s daughter. They had to find out whether Sally was legally married to the man she lived with and how Sidonia’s birth was registered. The fact that Sally was a fugitive slave would suggest she had hidden her identity. Charlotte and Sidney sighed, a little discouraged and accompanied Mr. Harrod to the magistrate’s office.

The magistrate, Mr. Orlington, was a tall skinny man, though not over thirty years old, his skin was grey and aged and he seemed to have little pleasure in being stationed in a country so far away from England, where he frequently suffered fevers and had lost his wife and child. His grave face was not inviting them to be candid.

He asked Sidney and Charlotte again after the events of the night on Easter Monday. He repeated the claims the Rochester brothers had made. And he added that the two brothers had been bailed out by their uncle. He stated the brothers had suffered quite a lot from the conditions of their imprisonment below deck and had complained about their treatment. Their uncle apparently was Mr. Edmonton. Charlotte saw Sidney’s eyes widen and saw a rage and disgust in his expression while his fists slammed the table on mentioning Mr. Edmonton’s name.

“Who’s Mr. Edmonton?” she asked carefully.

“Mr. Edmonton is probably the largest landowner of Antigua.” Sidney said with a mix of disgust and defeat. “And whispered: “He’s also the man who was responsible for Sally’s near death.”

“You see what you’re up against.” The magistrate said. “Mr. Edmonton will fight the prosecution of his nephews with every means possible.”

“You’re saying we should let it rest.” Sidney asked rhetorically.

“I’m saying that even if you let it rest, he might still go after you. His nephew’s noses have been broken and Arnold Rochester is apparently suffering from a serious infection of his hand, which may have come from a bite wound.” looking at Charlotte. “He’s accusing you, Mr. Parker, of assault and Mrs. Parker of infidelity.” Sidney let out an angry curse, while Charlotte looked shocked.

“Sidney, calm yourself.” Charlotte hissed, afraid his anger would do them no good.

“Surely the evidence confirms our story?” she asked astonished.

“After three weeks it is very difficult to gather evidence, ma’am. Surely Captain Rogers has made a thorough record, but since he is an old friend of Mr. Parker, his word might be doubted in court.”

Charlotte sighed.

“I leave you to talk it over with your attorney and decide what you wish to do. I can imagine Mrs. Parker, you do not wish to tell your story in public? And describe every detail of the event and your marital relations. Would you describe in court, Mr. Parker, how your wife performs her conjugal duties, how often…whether she was a maiden on your wedding night?”

Sidney looked at him angrily, while Charlotte felt shocked and humiliated.

“I’m not implying any impropriety on her side, I’m merely stating: it’s what the defence will argue. And they’ll interrogate you about your marital relations…you might want to settle matters privately.”

Charlotte could barely hide her tears as they left the magistrate’s office with Mr. Harrod. They went to the solicitor’s office and he had them brought some tea. Charlotte’s hands trembled as she tried to put her cup at her lips. Sidney, wavering between anger and worry saw all the progress in her spirits the day before smashed to pieces again.

Mr. Harrod whispered to Sidney: “This is exactly what they’re aiming at, to destroy your Missis. You have a strong case, but I doubt we’ll find a jury willing to cross Mr. Edmonton.”

Sidney sighed bitterly “You agree with the magistrate that we should let it rest, that we don’t try to find justice for my wife?”

“I’m suggesting we try to find justice… outside criminal court.” Mr. Harrod replied. “But within the law of course… we might pursue justice through common law, rather than criminal law.”

“How do you mean?” Sidney asked.

“You might pursue a damage claim… accuse Mr. Rochester of criminal conversation with your wife, as her husband you are entitled to claim the damage to your property and your marriage … neither of you will have to testify yourselves, only witnesses and the payment will be a severe punishment for the accused. You can expect up to ten thousand pounds.”

“Criminal Conversation?!” Charlotte exclaimed offended. “Damaged property? Payment?”

“Ssh, Charlotte, calm down.” Sidney whispered. “My friend is only trying to help us.”

“No, I will not calm down. I am the one who was assaulted and seeking justice. And I will not be implicated in any case of ‘criminal conversation’, which is just another word for adultery. I did not commit adultery! And I will accept no payment, my honour is not for sale!” she raged.

“But…”Sidney started. Charlotte gave him an infuriated look. “Sidney, if you’re even considering it…dragging my name through the mud like that, don’t bother looking me in the eye or touching me ever again.” she hissed in a whisper.

When she looked at him like that, he was not able to utter a word. Sidney looked defeated and wounded.

“I apologise ma’am.” Mr. Harrod stammered, a little baffled at her fiery statement. “I should have explained. To determine ‘criminal conversation’, consent of the lady in the act is not required. We might also use the term ‘tortious interference’, that means that the accused has damaged the contractual relationship between you two, that is your marriage. It usually applies to business contracts, but marriage contracts can be seen as such…I merely wish to seek justice for you in way that will spare you the humiliation of giving testimony in public and describing many intimate details about the attack and you married life.”

But Charlotte gathered her senses and said: “Well, if that is what it takes to put them in prison, I’m prepared to take it on. But we first have to make our case and gather any other evidence. Didn’t captain Rogers say the women in the steerage area were harassed at night as well? We should find them. And I still have the night shift that he tore. Surely we can’t have these men walking around, we must protect other women from them, even if the expense for ourselves is high.” Her voice sounded resolute.

Charlotte looked at Sidney, who stared back at her mutely for a while.

“Harrod, could you give me a moment alone with my wife?” Sidney asked finally.

“Of course, Mr. Parker.” Mr. Harrod replied as he pulled back his chair and left the room.

“What is it?” she asked Sidney after Mr. Harrod had left the room. “I am embarrassing you, am I not? I’m being too headstrong and opinionated again.”

Sidney smiled : “You know you’re never too anything for me, darling…but you could spare Mr. Harrod a little, he is after all trying to support us and I fear other men do not appreciate your scolding as I do…”

“I’m sorry. ” She replied “I’ve been speaking out of turn. Speaking before I think.”

He smiled: “Well, I married you for those strong opinions and I can see why his suggestions were offensive to you.”

Then he chuckled.

“Why are you laughing?” she asked him with some annoyance.

“Because I haven’t seen you this spirited in weeks.” He said warmly “I feel my Charlotte is getting back to life again.” He kissed her on her brow. “But can I speak openly without running the risk of you leaving me?” he asked, a little insecure.

She smiled apologetically: “Again, I’m sorry I reacted so strongly and yelled at you in the presence of Mr. Harrod…of course you should be able to speak you mind. I gave my opinion very strongly and I should have asked for yours.”

“ Well, he has a point. I’m afraid the trial in criminal court will destroy your spirits again while you’re only just recovering...a damage claim would be a real punishment and considering our financial situation…it would help us a lot and it would spare you the degradation of telling intimate details in public” he avoided her eyes. She remained silent. “Just give it a thought, dear. Just know that I will support you whatever you choose to do.”

Charlotte sighed: “I’m sorry, Sidney, I don’t like being spoken of your property, even if according to the law it’s true.”

“And I shall never see you as such. Not more than I am yours…as to the law we are considered one being, and it sees me as the head. As such any claims are put in my name, but as you are part of me, they’ll be in your name too.”

“I still don’t like the insinuations that a case of ‘tortious interference or ‘criminal conversation’ entails.” Charlotte said resolutely. “And I doubt the next time Mrs. Percival is a little too impertinent we could claim damages on my behalf because she’s trying to alienate your affections?” Charlotte smirked.

Sidney sighed: “No, one cannot claim damages with a lady. But her husband might accuse _me_.”

“Right, so there’s little equality in that is there?” Charlotte concluded “I must stand my ground: I want the Rochester brothers to be tried in criminal court.”

“You insist on criminal court, are you sure you want to show them your undergarments, tell all the details in public? “Sidney asked Charlotte hesitatingly.

“I’ll do what I must to find justice.” she replied, looking him in the eyes fiercely.

“I know you to be strong, Charlotte, and brave. If you can face it, I will support you. In any case it can’t hurt to try gathering more evidence, if we do it quietly.” Sidney replied.

Sidney went to collect Mr. Harrod. Charlotte apologised for speaking so fiery when he was only looking after their interests and they told him their decision.

“Are you sure?” Mr. Harrod asked Sidney, who was demonstratively holding Charlotte’s hand on her lap, with some surprise “You agree with your wife? Despite what they will do to your good name?”

“We’ll defend ourselves. It was Charlotte who was attacked, justice must be done for her. And I’ve learnt not to underestimate Charlotte and what she can achieve. My wife may be unconventional in some respects, but that is only because unlike others, she has nothing to hide from the world. There never was a clearer conscience than hers. ” Sidney said with some pride, looking at Charlotte.

She looked back at him gratefully. “Thank you for supporting me!” she whispered, squeezing his hand.

“Good, I’ll make inquiries among the other passengers.” Mr. Harrod continued. “Meanwhile, we have to find your daughter as well. Do you have any other leads than the nun who helped the girl’s mother?”

“We might ask Carice.” Charlotte, who had calmed down, suggested.

“But she didn’t know Sally had survived after she was shot.” Sidney argued

“No, but she might lead us to others who knew Sally.” Charlotte added.

“You’re probably right.” Sidney said, lightly squeezing her hand in appreciation.

They left Mr. Harrod and went back to the hotel. The air was getting hot and Charlotte was transpiring heavily. In their suite she opened all the windows to let the sea breeze cool the room down. She felt hungry after her light breakfast and they ordered some cold meats and bread.

Charlotte noticed Sidney looked pensive. “You’re silent Sidney, I feel you have doubts about our decision to persecute the Rochesters in criminal court.”

“I said I would leave it up to you, Charlotte. But if you want to go back on your decision…undo the trial…”

She showed a faint smile as she replied: “I wish I could choose to have the event undone, to have this nightmare over…. I’m sorry can’t think straight now, I’m hot and I’m tired.”

“You might want to take an afternoon nap” Sidney suggested. “In this climate it’s better to rest when the sun is at its highest point.” Charlotte nodded, she just wanted to write some letters first. Sidney himself decided to contact the governor and some old friends, whose help they could use. They asked Carice for information about anybody who might have known Sally and where she might have gone to five years earlier.

In her head Charlotte went through what had been said. She reconfirmed for herself she wanted to try a criminal trial. If that did not work, they could pursue other means of justice. Now that she had some purpose and a strategy, Charlotte felt a bit stronger. Her belly had been hurting from the tension and while lying down and trying to relax, she felt the pain flow away. She woke up feeling Sidney gently breathing in the back of her neck, with his hand on her waist while he slept. She gently caressed his fingers. She resisted her urge to remove them from her body. She had loved his touch, longed, no, hungered for it in the first month of their marriage and she wondered if and when she would welcome his love making again without shrivelling. “How rejected he must feel” she thought, but she could not help herself. She needed to regain her strength, she told herself, she could not keep on sulking. She got up and set herself to finding her torn night shift and forced herself to look at it. It would be awkward to have it shown publicly in a court room, but she would face it, she decided. She woke Sidney up with a kiss, sat down beside him and looked him resolutely and confidently in the eye. He looked back at her with a smile, seeming to understand she was going to make a stand.

Later in the afternoon, Carice took them to a number of former slaves of Mr. Lambe, to inquire about Sally. Some worked in a laundry service for sailors, some men worked in the harbour, some had managed to set up their own business. And others mainly lived of the crops they grew on the small piece of land given to them after the death of Mr. Lambe. Naturally they were hesitant to answer questions about Sally, afraid for the repercussions and Sidney had to explain he meant no harm and was looking for their daughter. By dusk they still had little information. Sidney was depressed, but Charlotte had good faith they would succeed in their quest eventually. When they went to watch the sunset on the beach again, Charlotte was this time trying to lift _his_ spirits after facing the difficulty in finding his daughter.

“I didn’t expect it to be so difficult to trace her.” he said sheepishly.

“We’ve only just begun.” she tried to encourage him.

They dined in the dining room in the hotel again, Charlotte eager for more pineapple. And she danced with more conviction than the night before, though only with Sidney. And when they went to bed, she gently pulled him a bit closer, allowing his head on her pillow. Her fingers and toes carefully played with his. She saw him smile in the little light that came through the curtains from the light house. They had some challenges to face, but they would face it as a team.


	17. Finding Sidonia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carice helps Sidney and Charlotte trace Sidonia, but her caretaker is not cooperating. Charlotte manages to win Sidonia's trust. There is some progress in their effort to get the Rochester brothers persecuted, but Antigian society has gotten wind of what happened on board and shuns them.

# 17\. Finding Sidonia

A few days later, after breakfast, for which Charlotte still had little appetite, Carice came to tell them she might have news on Sidonia. A coachman thought she might be found in a small settlement on Boggy Peak. Charlotte asked where that was. Carice looked rather frightened: “They say spirits live there.” She said, shuddering. Sidney dismissed her story. “That’s just a fairy tale made up to prevent slaves from fleeing to the mountains where they might hide more easily.” He said. “Yes we’ll start looking there, but it won’t be easy because the residents try to hide.”

They went to tell Mr. Harrod the news, packed some provisions and rented a carriage to take them to the mountains. Here and there Carice made inquiries. Her presence created a trust, as Charlotte and Sidney were looked upon with a mix of fear and distrust. They passed the sugar plantations, Charlotte’s stomach turned seeing the contrast between the big houses of the owners, while slaves were toiling on the fields, supervised by white men on their horses and large whips in their hand. She thought about the stories Sidney and Georgiana had told her and shuddered.

When the carriage could not go on any further, Sidney bound the horse to a palm in the shade, gave it one of the buckets with water they had brought and they followed a long footpath uphill. Though Charlotte had always been an excellent walker, she quickly felt fatigued and warm. Sidney suggested a little picnic and resting in the shade till the heat would become less. They drank and ate in the grass in the shade of some palm trees. Sidney suggested Charlotte lying down a bit, offering himself as a pillow for her head. Charlotte thought with amusement of what Mrs. Griffith would think of it all. She enjoyed the view as they watched over the Caribbean sea. Carice, feeling rather redundant, offered to walk ahead, leaving the young couple by themselves. Charlotte laid her head in Sidney’s lap as he lovingly caressed her hair and face. As he laid down his back, she turned herself and laid her head on his shoulder and sought his lips and allowed him to kiss her passionately, remembering their first kiss on the cliff tops. They remained lying like that for a while.

After an hour or so Carice came back, telling she had found someone who might lead them to Sidonia. They walked on, Charlotte still feeling easily fatigued and warm. After half an hour they saw an old man, whose hut was hidden from the path. He told them he knew Kate, the neighbour who had taken in Sidonia. He warned them she would not be very friendly. They walked another half hour along another path before they found the hut. Indeed a plump, black woman looked suspiciously at them. Carice talked to her. The woman first denied there being any girl living with her, so Sidney produced Sally’s letter and read it to her.

While Carice tried to reason with Kate, Charlotte walked around a little and saw a little light brown head peak around the corner of the house. She smiled at the little face that the others had not noticed yet, recognizing the pair of chocolate brown eyes to be similar to Sidney’s. She squatted down and took the doll she had made from her bag and held out her arm. The little face hid again, then peeked again, looking longingly at the little doll. And while the others kept discussing she convinced the little girl to come for the doll. She ran to Charlotte, grabbed the doll and then ran away to hide around the corner again. Charlotte decided to play a little ‘peek around the corner’ game. She bent her head around the corner whispering “Hello, are you Sidonia?”

The little girl giggled and Charlotte retracted her head. The little head bent around the corner again to see where she had gone. Charlotte set up a surprised face. And so made faces at each other. Then Charlotte held out her hand and signalled Sidonia to come to her. She remained squatted down, to not overpower the little girl. She tried to talk to her, asking her again if she was Sidonia. The little girl confirmed with a nod. “I’m Charlotte. Do you like your doll?” she said pointing at the little toy. Sidonia nodded. “I made it especially for you.” The little girl smiled. “There someone here who loves you very much.” Charlotte said. “Do you have a daddy?” The girl shook her head. “Do you want one?” Charlotte asked. The girl thought a little while and nodded. “I have one here for you.” The little girl looked at her a little insecure, Charlotte let her look around the corner. “He’s white!” Sidonia exclaimed in a shocked whisper.

“Yes, he is.” Charlotte said with a laugh. Sidonia looked a little insecure. “You don’t have to be afraid of him.” Charlotte added reassuringly “You’ll want to meet him.” Sidonia looked a little anxious. “Shall I hold your hand? Charlotte asked. “Or you can hide behind me, we’ll give him a little scare. You walk right behind me, and then say ‘boo’.” Sidonia supressed a laugh. The two little hands clutched Charlotte’s dress and she walked around the corner with tiny steps. Charlotte heard the girl giggle behind her.

Sidney, looking around for where Charlotte had gone, smiled relieved when a saw her turn around the corner. He looked puzzled at her amused face. She put her finger to her lips. As she came closer the little giggles became louder and the little face sprang out from behind Charlotte. Sidney startled and his face lit up. Kate’s face was in shock, and she looked frightened. But then Sidney kneeled down, his eyes filling up with tears of joy as he looked at his daughter for the first time. He saw his own eyes and lips, Sally’s nose and cheek bones. Black pipe curls circled from under the little girl’s cap. He wanted to hug her, but the little girl flinched. “It’s all right.” Charlotte whispered and signalled Sidney to be patient. “ Are you my daddy?” little Sidonia asked. Sidney smiled: “Yes I am.”

“Why are you white?” Sidonia asked him, frowning.

“I don’t know. I think God dipped me in the milk and forgot to paint me.” he answered.

Sidonia giggled at his answer. Kate looked a little more reassured, but still resisted the idea of Sidonia leaving with them “You can’t just take her.” she whispered. She stared at the ground while she spoke, afraid to look him in the eye and she trembled from fear as she spoke to him.

He sighed: “Do not be afraid of me, Kate. You can say what you want, I will not hurt you.”

Kate looked slightly relieved.

Charlotte said “She’s right, Sidney, we can’t just take her with us. She must get to know us first. We’re strangers to her now.”

Sidney nodded with a sigh. “But how can I leave her now that I’ve found her?” he asked her in desperation.

Kate let them sit down and brought them some fresh pineapple. Carice meanwhile convinced Kate it was Sally’s wish that Sidonia would live with Sidney. Kate sighed. She asked Sidonia if she wanted a little adventure and go to the city.

“But that’s dangerous.” Sidonia said.

“Not when you’re with us.” Charlotte reassured her.

“This man and woman want you to come live with them.” Kate said.

“Why?” Sidonia asked a little puzzled.

“Because I’m your father and I want to take care of you.” Sidney smiled at her, looking her deep in the eyes.

“I live with Kate” Sidonia said, “She takes care for me.”

Kate took her apart: “You remember your mama?” she asked softly. Sidonia nodded sadly. “Your new papa knew her and she asked him to come for you. He sailed all the way across the ocean for you. He’s rich, he can give you everything you want, he’ll keep you safe. I’m old. I might not be here for much longer.”

Sidonia looked confused and frightened “Just let her get used to the idea.” Charlotte said. She discussed with Sidney whether they would come back the following days or ask Kate to come with them. “Sidonia needs to get used to the idea and see familiar faces.”

Kate hesitated. She did not feel safe in the city. She had run away decades before and feared she would be caught. “They won’t be looking for you anymore.” Sidney said. “And they won’t recognise you after so many years. You can stay with us, with Sidonia in the hotel.”

“We can also return the next few days. So Sidonia can get used to us.” Charlotte added.

“I think that will be better.” Kate answered.

Sidonia looked quite disappointed at their departure. And Sidney found it hard to leave her. “We’ll be back tomorrow.” he whispered. They walked downhill again, to the carriage and horse. As they rode back, Charlotte had difficulty keeping her eyes open. It was already dusk on their return and Charlotte felt very tired and asked to dine in their room.

Lying next to each other in bed, she took Sidney’s hand. “We found her, Sidney.” His eyes filled with tears. “She was beautiful, Charlotte. Did you see it?”

“Yes, and the moment I saw her, I saw your eyes” she said “and I fell quite in love with them.” He smiled and squeezed her hand, unable to speak. “We just have to be patient with her.” Charlotte added.

The next morning they rose early to head to the mountain as quickly as possible and get to Sidonia before the sun was at its highest point. They played and they ate before going back. And repeated it the next few days. Meanwhile, at dinner one evening, Mr. Harrod gave them an update on his inquiries. He had found some women who had seen the Rochester brothers lurk around in the steerage area at night during their voyage, but the men downstairs who held watch had chased them away. Another thing he told was that Arnold Rochester’s left hand had gotten so infected it had to amputated. Charlotte looked rather shocked. “They say it was a bite wound. By Mrs. Parker or a rat, is difficult to say now.” Mr. Harrod said. Somewhere Charlotte felt sorry for her assaulter. But Sidney merely replied he had preferred the amputation of another one of Rochester’s limbs, but felt some satisfaction at the news.

One night that they dined downstairs again, Charlotte noticed a difference. They were no longer greeted by other guests. None of the women would talk to her and some of the men seemed a little too eager to dance with her. She told Sidney she felt uncomfortable and asked him to take her to their room. “I guess people got word of what happened on board.” he said. We must ignore it. Meanwhile he was frustrated that his request for an audience with governor was repeatedly denied with the excuse that the man was either too busy or indisposed.


	18. A delicate condition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sidney calls for the doctor after Charlotte neary collapses on their way to see Sidonia. Sidney goes to see Sidonia alone the next time and takes her back with him. There is some good news, but they also face new difficulties.

# 18\. A delicate condition

A few days later, when they went to see Sidonia again, it was a terribly hot day and Charlotte nearly fainted before they got there. Kate had Charlotte rest in her hut. They didn’t stay long and Sidney carried Charlotte downhill on his back. Back in the hotel he immediately called for a physician and Dr. Michels, the physician that had treated him five years earlier, arrived. Charlotte was in bed and had just eaten some soup. Sidney, rather anxiously explained his worries about Charlotte’s nausea, fatigue and bad appetite and how she had nearly collapsed earlier that day. Sidney wanted to come in the room with him, but Dr. Michels explained him that he might be asking questions that wives often found difficult to tell in front of their husbands. “There are certain female body parts and complaints that women want to keep their husbands ignorant from.” he smiled. “And I must be certain she’s feels free to tell me everything. But the maid may keep her company.” he said and Carice followed him inside. Sidney waited in the parlour, pacing back and forth. Nearly an hour later the doctor came out again. Sidney looked at him anxiously. “Is it serious, doctor?” he asked

Dr. Michels looked at him sternly and said: “It is very serious…but her condition is not unusual and often desired in a woman who has recently married.” Sidney looked at him puzzled. “I think I should congratulate you, sir. She, or rather _they_ should be all right if you follow my orders.” the doctor added.

Sidney looked befuddled, then his face lightened up: “Do you mean she’s expecting…”

“Yes, if all goes well, God willing, you should be expecting an addition to your family.”

Sidney smiled radiantly, then his face darkened: “How far along is she?” he asked carefully.

“I understand your question.” the doctor replied . “Especially considering the unfortunate events on board your ship. Yes, I’m afraid that news has spread all over town. But I can reassure you. Her complaints are consistent with a woman who is two to three months pregnant. You’ve been married ten weeks now? ”

“It cannot be more than ten weeks, I’m sure of that.“ Sidney said sternly, then exclaimed “So it is mine!” with a big smile.

“Yes, in any case I understand the attacker never… penetrated her…if that’s the case it can surely not be his.” Dr. Michels explained. Sidney sighed relieved.

“But I must warn you, Mr. Parker” The doctor continued. Sidney looked at him rather insecurely.

“Your wife is a strong and healthy woman, but I’m afraid she’s been overexerting herself.” Sidney nodded. “She has been very active and put under a great deal of stress… “ the doctor continued “I know these are trying times for you and Mrs. Parker…and I’m afraid all that tension is putting the child at risk. She’s lost some blood and has some cramps, not much, and it happens often in pregnancies, but it should not become more.”

“Is the baby all right?” Sidney asked anxiously.

“It is alive, I’ve been able to detect a heartbeat, that is a good sign, but life at this stage is very fragile. It is not uncommon for a woman to lose the child in this stage of the pregnancy…it is best to be careful. Try to keep her away from all the negativity. Make sure she gets rest and does not worry so much.”

Sidney nodded concerned, realising that under the given circumstances, that would be very difficult. The doctor promised to check up on Charlotte the next few days. “I’ll let myself out, you just go see your missis.” He said friendly, and Sidney quickly walked in the bedroom and sat down by Charlotte, staring at her with a big smile. Carice left them alone. “Oh Charlotte, I’m so happy!” he said. “Did you not suspect…” he asked. “No, because I had lost some blood about a month ago, I thought I wasn’t, I thought I was just having troubling with seasickness, the climate and the food… it all makes sense now.” she caressed her belly. “It is strange to think I have another life inside me.” She said with an shy smile.

“Yes, and we have to take care of it a little better.” Sidney replied in earnest.

“The doctor has heard its heart beat.” Charlotte “That is reassuring.”

“Yes, but you must take it easier.” Sidney said with a strict voice. “No more climbing up the mountain in the heat. Tomorrow you should stay here, with Carice or another maid.”

She looked at him defiantly. He slapped his forehead. “What am I thinking? “he said “ You’ll just decide against it now…”

She chuckled: “Well If you put if like that, I have to decide against confirming your expectation… I’ll stay here, get rest. To be honest, I do not feel I can do something else…”

He sighed relieved, smiling.

“But what about our visit to Sidonia tomorrow?” she asked disappointed.

“I’ll have to go there alone.”

She sighed resignedly, then instructed him: “You’ll have to bring Sidonia the dress I’ve had made for her.” She pointed at the white muslin dress with blue flowers printed on them and a blue satin ribbon around the chest she had made for her.

Sidney smiled: “She’ll be very happy with that, I think.”

He looked at her belly. “Can I …”he asked reaching with his hand. She took his hands in hers and guided them to her abdomen.

“Can you feel anything yet?” he asked.

“I’m not sure.” she replied “The doctor said he could measure the bubble the baby is in. It will become clearer as it grows.” She smiled at the idea. He joined her on the bed. She allowed him to lie close with his arms around her, one under her head, the other carefully draped around her middle.

The next morning he ordered Charlotte to eat well, despite her nausea, and he left her with Carice. Before he went to see Sidonia, he went to see Mr. Harrod, explained the circumstances and said he wanted to consider prosecuting Arnold Rochester for threatening his unborn child, at the same time wondering whether this would not make the trial even more difficult for Charlotte. He went to the library to get her some books to read and on passing a shop, he bought her a little brooch made of mother of pearl to commemorate the happy news and brought them to her. She scolded him again for indulging her and buying her presents. And he smiled sheepishly like a boy caught with his hand in the cookie jar as she stroked his hair and kissed him.

He made the journey to Boggy Peak alone this time. At a certain point he felt he was being followed. He stopped for a while, hiding with the man who had given them directions the week before. He saw two men looking around for a while, before they dropped off and went back to town. It gave him an uneasy feeling. He hurried to Kate and Sidonia. The little girl was disappointed Charlotte and Carice had not come along. While Sidonia admired her new dress, Sidney spoke to Kate about the men he had seen and that it gave him an bad feeling. “You must take her with you now.” Kate said sternly. “I’ll come with you, but I will hide my face.

Little Sidonia was very excited at the prospect of going to Charlotte. Kate gathered her few belongings in a sack. They took some of the fruit out of the garden. It would look like Sidney had gone to purchase some fruit. Kate looked around one last time: “I’m not sure if I can come back.” she said hesitantly.

Sidney helped her carry her things, while carrying Sidonia in his neck. He helped them in the carriage. Sidonia was excited, but also a little afraid to ride along. Kate held her on her lap for safety, conveniently hiding her face behind Sidonia. In town, there were some peculiar looks when people saw Sidney driving the carriage with in the back a dark woman with worn out clothes and a little girl in a fresh new dress. He ignored it. He brought them to the hotel. Sidonia looked around with great wonder, a little frightened. Kate carried her upstairs to the Parkers’ suite. Sidonia was brought to Charlotte who was delighted to see her. Sidney asked Kate to stay with them, offering her a position as Sidonia’s nurse. “She’s attached to you and I do not want to separate her from you.”

Kate asked if that would mean leaving Antigua. Sidney replied that they would go back to England. Kate said she wasn’t eager to leave, but that she would consider it. Sidney showed her the second bedroom, where she could stay with Sidonia. Kate looked around her. “I cannot sleep in such a bed, sir. It’s too fancy for me. I’ll sleep on the floor, next to the girl.” He told her she should reconsider, but that he would respect her wishes.

While Sidonia admired her room, Charlotte called Sidney with her. She told him she’d been out for a short walk with Carice, but had felt herself followed and some other moment she felt some men had deliberately not stepped aside, practically bumping in to them. She had felt uncomfortable. And later that afternoon, she’d been told several men had called on her while she was sleeping. The hotel manager had not shown them in, but Charlotte felt uneasy about it. Sidney looked worried: “ They’re trying to intimidate us, Charlotte, don’t give in to that. Now I think it is best if you stay inside, unless I can come with you.”

Indeed the hotel manager was displeased with all the male visitors for Mrs. Parker while Sidney was absent and made his compliant with Sidney, worried at the idea of a married woman receiving all sorts of men while her husband was absent. Sidney assured him that Mrs. Parker had nothing to do with them, and asked the manager to give him the names of the men. And he asked for extra guards to guard the door of their suite. The hotel manager complied, but also asked him to consider moving out so the hotel would not be implicated in all the scandal going round. Sidney sighed annoyed while he nodded.


	19. Sidney's Dilemma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sidney faces some difficulties in arranging for Sidonia to travel with them to England. When he faces an awful dilemma, he breaks a promise to Charlotte to protect her and someone else.

# 19\. Sidney’s dilemma

Now that Sidonia had moved in, Sidney asked Mr. Harrod to go forward with having Sidonia acknowledged has his daughter. Harrod had found the Catholic Church where her mother’s marriage and Sidonia’s birth had been registered, and together with Sally’s letter, Sidney hoped to get things settled. Harrod explained some dilemma’s. Sidonia was registered in the church register as the child of a Tom Smith, who had married Sally and so the child had been born in wedlock. By acknowledging Sidonia as his own child and giving her his name, she would be considered an illegitimate child. It would also be difficult to take Sidonia with them to England, if they could not prove she was free born. Without the papers confirming her father’s freedom, Sidonia could be considered a fugitive slave. Sidney went back to Charlotte and merely told her they were doing the paperwork, but not much more. He didn’t want to distress her.

Two days later, Mr. Harrod called him in his office with some distressing news: “I’m afraid Edmonton is trying to get back at you through your daughter.” Mr. Harrod said. “He can make things very difficult for you.”

Apparently Mr. Edmonton had gotten word of Sidonia’s existence and wanted to claim her as his property. Her mother was after all his slave and never set free, so her progeny belonged to him. Sidney looked at his lawyer with horror. “Never!” he exclaimed with disgust. “He should be tried back then for murdering a slave.”

“Well, Sidonia’s existence proves he didn’t actually kill her mother.” Mr. Harrod pointed out dryly.

“I’m sure there were others.” Sidney replied “We just need to find the evidence.” He urged Mr. Harrod to say nothing to Charlotte. “He’ll have to fight me in court first!” Sidney said.

“Or you’ll have to buy her freedom… But he’ll set a high price, I grant you.” Mr. Harrod replied.

Sidney sighed. He went back to the hotel. Charlotte noticed his spirits were down, she asked him what was the matter.

“I had just hoped fetching my daughter would be a bit easier. But apparently it takes quite some paperwork to give her my name and acknowledge her.” he groaned.

“Be patient!” Charlotte said reassuringly “I’m sure things will work out.”.

He forced a smile. “I forget what an optimist you are.” he answered and thought how frustrating it was he had had no audience with the governor yet, nor had any of his former friends sent any invitations or replies to his letters. People were avoiding them. He went to see his daughter, who was dressing up, and dancing in her room. He hugged her and danced with her, feeling even more disgusted at the idea of that brute if a man getting hold of his little girl. Fatherhood had stirred his emotions to the extreme: pride, joy, love, but anxiety as well.

The next day Mr. Harrod let him know Edmonton had suggested a trade-off between having all inditements against his nephews removed and not pursuing his claim on Sidonia. “So trading off the security of my child against justice for my wife?” Sidney asked. “Do I really have a choice?” he snorted.

“It will be for the best.” Mr. Harrod said. “What would Charlotte say.” Sidney mumbled.

“It’s better not to involve the lady.” Mr. Harrod replied.

“But I promised her to consult her in everything I do. I promised to support her in her mission to get those men convicted.” Sidney said defeated.

“I’m not sure if that is a wise promise for a husband to make.” Mr. Harrod replied. “I admire that you are supportive of your wife, but in the end the responsibility is yours.”

“Yes, but she’s the wisest of the two of us, I quite dote on her opinion, yet I must not distress her with the threat against Sidonia, it would put our child, our unborn child at risk…. I have to think about it.” Mr. Harrod nodded.

When Sidney returned, Charlotte told him a bailiff had come to the door with some armed men, claiming Sidney had something in his possession that was claimed by someone else. She had politely asked the man to come back the next day when Sidney was home, to which they had agreed reluctantly.

“Some problems with your trade business?” she asked carefully.

He only nodded. He didn’t want to tell her it concerned Sidonia. “Share it with me.” she said friendly.

“Oh it’s nothing, some misunderstanding.” He merely said “I’ll sort it out tomorrow.” He avoided looking her in the eyes. Instead he went to see Sidonia and made sure she was unaware of the danger that might befall her.

Charlotte felt that Sidney wasn’t telling her everything. It worried her that he felt it necessary to keep things from her. And it hurt her that he wouldn’t confide in her. But maybe he was sworn to secrecy by someone else. Maybe it concerned others and his discretion was demanded by others, she told herself, but why didn’t he just say that?

After checking Sidonia was unharmed, Sidney immediately sent out a note to Harrod to give him the order to make the deal with Edmonton. He got confirmation the next morning in Harrod’s office. Returning to Charlotte, she asked him after the proceedings for the trial against the Rochester brothers. She saw the peculiar guilty look in his eyes. He saw her suspecting eyes.

“Sidney, why aren’t you answering me?” she asked him with a passive aggression.

“There will be no trial.” He said, not looking her in the eye.

“Why?” she asked

“I think it is better to spare you the humiliation of giving testimony.” He said.

Charlotte looked at him angrily. “You dropped the complaint.”

“Yes”

“Without discussing it with me?!” she added infuriated.

“I had to make a choice, considering you’re delicate condition…” he said apologetically, still avoiding her gaze.

“I thought we had agreed to do this together. What happened with your resolution to ask my opinion in everything?” she reproached him

“ I made that resolution, yes, but the situation has changed.” He replied hesitatingly.

“How has it changed?” Charlotte asked in despair.

“I have an added responsibility now.” Sidney replied with a stammer in his voice “I have to take the health of our unborn child into consideration, and Sidonia’s as well.”

“How would consulting _me_ affect our children negatively?” Charlotte asked hostile. “Is it not my responsibility as well as yours, don’t we share it?”

Sidney sighed. “I prefer to involve you, Charlotte, you know how much I value your opinion, but the doctor ordered me to not to distress you for our child’s sake.” He said apologetically. “So, I ‘ve had to make some difficult decisions alone, as much as I dislike to”

“And you think concealing things from me is _not_ distressing?” she retorted.

“Charlotte, please! Calm down! It’s just that some things are even too distressing for _me_ …” he stopped talking abruptly.

“What is too distressing for you, Sidney?” she asked concerned

“Nothing, I just spoke of things in general…”

“Now you’re worrying me, Sidney. Just tell me what is the matter. Has the doctor told you something about our unborn baby that he has not told me…” she asked with some anxiety.

“No, it does not concern our _unborn_ child.” He said with a gentle sadness.

“Sidonia?” she asked carefully. She could read the answer in his face. “You said there were legal issues. Are they so bad….?”

Sidney looked at her. “Worse than anything I had anticipated.” he cried out.

“Well, enlighten me, or I’ll keep fussing.” Charlotte said firmly.

“Edmonton has put a claim on her as his property.” He said with disgust.

Charlotte widened her eyes: “On Sidonia? How? She just a little child!”

“Sally was his property and thus her child belongs to him, he states. Remember what I told you about the breeding of slaves? A slave woman’s child is her master’s property and they try to increase the number of slaves by breeding them. I can assure you many slaves of Mr. Edmonton are in fact his own offspring. He does not care about them, they’re no more than cattle to him, let alone that he should empathise with _my_ child.”

Charlotte shuddered: “How did he find out?”

“Oh, he probably has some friend at the courthouse.” Sidney said. “And of course we could fight it or I could try to buy her freedom, but…”

“But that would put her at risk…, I see” Charlotte said resignedly.

“Well, it was clear he was not asking for money.” Sidney added bitterly.

“The freedom of his nephews in exchange for hers…”Charlotte said “Her security instead of justice…”

“for you…”Sidney added with a sob.

Charlotte put her arm around him: “Hush,…it’is all right.”

“I know you’re disappointed, Charlotte …”

“Not in you, Sidney, not in you… I Just don’t like you facing these problems alone, I want to be part of whatever concerns you, share it with me” she said, softly kissing his forehead.

“I’d like that Charlotte, just as much as I would like to share your burden in carrying our child. But you cannot share it with me. And my burden is to take the both of you in consideration. As much as I want to please you and let you run around and share my worries, I cannot when it puts our child at risk, do you understand that?”

“You’re underestimating me again…”she said: “Don’t forget that I have to consider our child’s health as well as you, Sidney, we share that responsibility and I will avoid any overexertion and distance myself from anything that distresses me. But please discuss with me if I want to leave things to you. You know it will only frustrate me when you decide for me.”

He smiled: “Yes, and you’ll only go against my wishes if I try to control you…”he grinned. “I’m sorry to have listened to other people than you… well as soon as I can get the paperwork for Sidonia done, I would like to return to England.”

Charlotte nodded: “We must prepare her first, and I don’t like leaving Kate behind, now’s she’s so attached to her.”

“If she agrees. It will take more paper work, and I’m not sure if she’ll take the risk… after all she was never set free legally…”

Charlotte said. “We’re uprooting Sidonia enough as it is…I even wonder whether we should take her out of Antigua at all. ”

He looked at her, a little puzzled: “You want to stay here?”

“It’s just an idea” Charlotte said.

“Considering all the hostility we’ve come across I’m not sure that’s a good idea.” Sidney replied. “And we’ve got our investments in Sanditon…do you really want to trust Tom with that?”

Charlotte sighed. “You’re right, and I miss our family…”


	20. The Governor's invitation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When a friend of Lady Worcester arrives, Sidney and Charlotte suddenly get a lot of cooperation from the local authorities. Some surprising documents turn up. Sidney and Charlotte are uncomfortable with the damage payments they receive and set up a plan to liberate a group of slaves.

# 20\. The Governor’s invitation

A few days after Sidney had made his deal with Edmonton, they had an unexpected visitor. It was Lord Hertfordshire, a good friend of Lady Worcester, who was traveling to the Caribbean to do some inspections for the government. Charlotte had met with him a few times while she was staying with her ladyship the autumn before. He brought her a letter from her friend.

“How has your stay been here so far? Have you been treated well by the local authorities? Her ladyship has asked me to ensure you succeed in your quest here.” he told them.

Sidney bit his lip, while Charlotte nearly burst out crying and fled to her bedroom.

“I’m sorry, Lord Hertfordshire. We have in fact been going through some difficulties and it has been very distressing for my wife. Her condition is quite delicate now and to be honest, we’ve not met with much cooperation here.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” Lord Hertfordshire replied indignantly. “I’d hate to report to her ladyship that her protégé is being maltreated here. Have you met with the governor yet?”

“I’ve asked for an audience, but so far it has been refused.” Sidney replied reluctantly

“Well, leave it to me.” Lord Hertfordshire said firmly and he said his goodbyes.

That same evening a message came from the governor’s office. It was a dinner invitation in the honour of Lady Worcester’s good friends ,Mr. and Mrs. Parker, the next day.” Sidney smiled cynically, understanding that the governor, who had been ignoring them, had been informed his career would be at stake if he did not change his tune. He told Charlotte the good news. They consulted with Dr. Michels whether Charlotte should come along. The doctor had no objection as long as she didn’t overexcite herself and rather hoped it would ‘relieve her concerns’.

So they dined in the Governor’s House. Governor Wellington, who was no relation of the famous Duke of Wellington, but had profited from the shared name nonetheless, was a tall, slender middle aged man, with rather artificial manners. His wife was similarly pretentious and rather nervous. For weeks they had heard the gossip about the Parkers and the slander brought on to them by the Rochesters and Edmontons. They had heard of the rogue Mr. Parker and his big mouthed, improper, flirtatious wife, and their maltreatment of the poor Rochester men, but now duty and prospect required them to befriend the couple. The Governor reproached Sidney for not calling before or not clarifying who he as, rather ignoring the latter’s frequent appeals for an audience. They had invited everyone that mattered in Antigua, except for the Edmontons and Rochesters. They politely inquired how Charlotte had become lady Worcester’s protégé. They were surprised to find Charlotte a rather modest, charming woman and prised her for her knowledgeability.

As if nothing had passed the weeks before, the Governor inquired whether their stay was satisfactory and if any problems arose they should notify him. Sidney and Charlotte exchanged a glance. Sidney merely replied that he would if anything came to mind, avoiding it all being discussed publicly at the dinner table. And the Governor invited the Parkers to stay in his own residence as his personal guests, which stirred quite some rumour amongst the other guests. And all of a sudden it rained invitations for tea and dinner.

After dinner, when Sidney finally got to speak the governor one-on-one, the latter asked after Sidney’s business in Antigua.

“Well, sir, it is a rather delicate business.” Sidney replied “concerning the security and welfare of a young lady very dear to me.”

“Mrs. Parker’s security?” the Governor asked, raising his eyebrows.

“Initially not, but late events have been threatening her as well.” Sidney said.

“If there is anything I can do?” the Governor said.

“Perhaps you might, sir. As you may have heard my wife has been assaulted during our voyage here.” Sidney said.

“I may have heard some rumours.” the governor said carefully

“Well, her attackers seem to persist in their threats. In fact, I’ve had to hire some guards for her protection. And they’ve slandered her. And her condition is delicate enough, the doctor is afraid she overconcerns and overexerts herself… So to say, it is more than her own life that needs protection…”

“I see...” the governor said.

“Now, we have pursued prosecution of the attackers, but so far have not been successful, apparently their uncle has been able to get them out of prison.”

“But have the culprits not already had some severe punishment? Being scarred for life.” the Governor asked. “I gather nothing was taken. Why not let it rest? For the lady’s sake too. ”

“They have taken nothing materially, no. But the immaterial damage is unrepairable, I’m afraid. Physically my wife is still intact, yes, but I cannot say the same for her spirit….Moreover, I fear for any young lady’s safety while these men walk around freely. I gather you have two daughters of your own?” The governor gave him a warning glance. “I wish them well…It is for the sake of your daughters as well as others that we wish to have the men locked up.” Sidney said.

The governor nodded in understanding. “Well there are two men here who have intended to have their daughters married to the Rochester brothers.” The Governor commented.

“Then I would advise them to find their daughters more suitable candidates, if they care about the ladies’ happiness and welfare.” Sidney replied solemnly “And besides that”, Sidney continued. “I am dealing with some legal matters regarding my guardianship of a young girl, an infant still. Which is the reason why we came to Antigua. There are some issues with her lineage and legal obstacles for me to take her home.”

“ I see.” The Governor said. “Well, whatever documents you need, I’m sure it can be arranged. Just contact my clerk.”

The next day they moved to the Governor’s House. Though Charlotte dreaded the company of the Governor and his family, it was a gesture they could not ignore and would relieve them of the expense of accommodation and hiring guards. She would be safer there, though Sidney suspected al the intimidations would stop now they were in the Governor’s favour. The Governor’s family was quite surprised at finding Sidonia in their company, but they refrained from asking questions as Charlotte affectionately presented her as her step-daughter.

The governor’s clerk was quite creative in solving Sidney’s dilemma regarding Sidonia’s legal status. Mr. Lambe’s clerk was traced and the man reproduced a letter written by Mr. Lambe some five years earlier, that he had given Sally to Sidney. As such, the sale of the girl to Mr. Edmonton by Mr. Lambe’s steward was deemed illegal. And all of a sudden the governor’s clerk ‘found’ some papers stating that Sidney had given Sally her freedom and had married her after her first husband died a year earlier, when Sidney was in Antigua to fetch Miss Lambe, making Sidney Sidonia’s legal father and giving the girl his name. Charlotte raised her eyebrows at hearing this, but merely smiled without saying anything. And all of a sudden the magistrate, Mr. Orlington, had gathered a lot of evidence concerning Mr. Edmonton’s crimes in murdering some other slaves than Sally and collected a lot of women who could testify the Rochester brothers had assaulted several women. And a large cargo of Mr. Edmonton’s sugar had fallen from the quay while his insurance papers had mysteriously vanished.

Charlotte looked reprovingly at Sidney when they heard about the ‘sugar accident’ and Sidney remarked with a smirk that “revenge was sweet indeed.”

“Sidney, I hope you don’t have anything to do with this? That ‘forgotten’ marriage certificate makes me uneasy enough.”

“I wish I had part in it.” Sidney smiled amused. “But either we have some very loyal friends or Mr. Edmonton has more enemies than just us. He’s had much power over people here, but apparently you should not want to cross a protégé of Lady Worcester. Which reminds me to watch my step…” he said looking at Charlotte with playful fearfulness.

They tried to persuade Kate to come with them to England, but she refused. If she would ever leave her friends in Antigua, it would be to return to her homeland on the African Gold Coast, but she was very much afraid to be found out as a fugitive slave if they tried to get her on board the ship. Eventually Sidney managed to find out who her owner had been and had and made an anonymous offer for a runaway slave, in the hope the owner would be glad to get some compensation after two decades. When the deal was made, he had papers for her release from slavery drawn up. But still Kate did not want to come along to the “land of the white people” as she put it. But they could persuade Carice to come with them, of whom Charlotte and Sidonia had both become very fond.

Carice confided in Charlotte that one of her sons had been taken to England as a young child, and she wished to trace him. Her other children had perished on plantations or died in child labour, but she hoped her son in England was still alive. Charlotte was shocked to hear how Carice’s children had been separated from their mother and promised Carice every assistance in finding her child, as she had helped them in finding Sidonia.

Charlotte wanted to help set more slaves free, but Sidney reminded her of the debt to Georgiana which they needed to repay and their limited means. Mr. Harrods however had pursued the damage claim for ‘tortious interference’ on Sidney’s behalf and managed to extract a financial compensation from the Edmontons and Rochesters. For injuring Sally, five hundred pounds was rewarded to Sidney as her ‘owner’ for the attempted rape of Charlotte he got ten thousand pounds. Charlotte still objected to accepting these payments, while Sidney disliked being labelled Sally’s owner. Charlotte still felt as if her honour had been for sale and it felt unjust that _Sidney_ should receive compensation for damages, while she was the main victim. And it felt unjust that so little was given for Sally’s injury, for being a ‘slave only’ and that all the other enslaved victims of these families received nothing. Moreover: half of the ten thousand pounds ‘compensation’ was paid ‘in kind’, in other words: they were given some fifty slaves. She had them released immediately, disgusted as she was with the idea. Charlotte convinced Sidney they would use the full sum of the compensation for the liberation of slaves rather than repaying Georgiana with the other half of the sum. Charlotte considered the compensation blood money. And she was convinced Georgiana would support her decision.

But the people she had set free came back the same day to object to their release.” Charlotte was baffled, until Carice explained to her:

“Ma’am , You’re a good person and you want to do the right thing. Don’t think them ungrateful for being set free. But if you release them just like that, they will have no shelter, no food… They will starve.”

Charlotte looked at her in shock: “Of course, how could I be so reckless. We must find them shelter and food at once. Why did I not think of that. One cannot be truly free without means of living.”

Charlotte pensively paced up and down the room and went to Sidney: “Listen, dear, I have an idea.”

He smiled: “Your ideas are generally good, so I am all ears.”

“We should reconsider what to do with the money.”

“How do you mean? You changed your mind? You wish to keep it?” he asked her with some astonishment

“No, I don’t want a penny….It’s just Carice pointed out to me that we cannot just abandon those men and women we set free. We must give them the means to provide for themselves, be really free.”

“You want to give _them_ the money?” he asked confused

“Maybe not just money, but help them set up a business…you’ve always said slavery will exist as long as people buy the sugar coming from plantations using slaves. What if they could buy sugar that is not produced by slave labour? What if we help them set up their own plantation? Of which they receive the profits. With your experience and connections we can help them sell their products.”

Sidney looked up at her with wonder: “You’re brilliant Charlotte, again. But let’s ask the men and women what they think, what they want themselves.”

“Yes, Anyway, we need to provide them with some food and shelter for now. I hadn’t realised that by setting them free so abruptly, without any means of living, I was turning my back on them.”

So, after consulting with the people involved, they bought a plot of land that the men and women could cultivate and set up a corporation of shareholders that would run the plantation. And Sidney assured them of buying up their sugar produce. There were some who did not want to join: some wanted to be employed otherwise, while some who were not born on Antigua wished to return from whence they came. Many wished to liberate their relatives. Sidney and Charlotte gave them each a sum to pursue their own wishes. Mr. Harrod was instructed to keep an eye on things, to prevent the new free men and women would not face any difficulties in their dealings with the authorities.


	21. Home to Sanditon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sidney and Charlotte leave Antigua with Carice and Sidonia. Sidney bonds with his daughter while for Charlotte the bad memories of what happened on the boat to Antigua come back. When they arrive at their new home in Sanditon there are some happy, but also sad surprises. Sidney confides in Mary about ther marriage problems. Sidney and Charlotte go back to their beloved cliff top and conclude they are not the same people as the man and women who kissed each other there for the first time. Sidney makes a joke that Charlotte cannot appreciate.

# 21\. Home to Sanditon

Six weeks after they had set foot on Antigua, they sailed off again, with two cabins on board a packet ship. Charlotte’s pregnancy was now its second trimester; her nausea had disappeared and she had become more energetic. There was news of a fever outbreak on one of the plantations and Sidney didn’t want to risk Charlotte getting infected. And they wanted to get back in the summer, so Sidonia could adjust slowly to the colder climate and they could be involved with the developments in Sanditon before the season ended.

They would make a few stops on Barbuda, the Virgin Islands, then sail in a week to ten days north to Bermuda, then a few weeks east to the Azores, before sailing northeast to Falmouth in Cornwall. Sidonia was very excited, sitting in Sidney’s neck while they waved Antigua farewell. The stops on the other beautiful Caribbean island were exciting as they viewed the beautiful beaches, but on the quay Charlotte saw the slaves being whipped and brutalized, from which Sidney tried to distract Sidonia. And as the little girl wanted to the explore the ship the entire day and hide herself, the three adults spent much time on board looking for her, frightened she might have fallen overboard.

Charlotte and Carice spent much of the time sewing clothes for both Sidonia and Carice as the two of them only had a few light dresses fit for a tropical climate. Charlotte shortened the long winter coat she had worn on their departure from Portsmouth to make cardigans for Sidonia and Carice, to protect them against any cold winds they might encounter during the trip.

And Charlotte tried to teach Sidonia to count with the help of a stack of cards and to write her own name: Sidonia Parker. And Sidonia played with her doll and Charlotte’s old doll Suzy. Although they had hired Carice as a nurse for Sidonia, it was Sidney who spent most time playing with her, telling her all about his youth, his travels, taught her everything he knew about the ocean, about ships, chasing each other on the deck, while Carice helped Charlotte sewing.

The first nights Sidonia had been rather frightened to sleep in the dark cabin with Carice, also disappointed in the modest accommodation after the grand bedroom she had slept in the weeks before. But they promised her in England, when they would get to their new home, she would sleep in a beautiful room again.

Charlotte herself felt claustrophobic and captivated again in the small cabin, reminding her of that horrid night on the voyage to Antigua again. But she argued with herself that if she told Sidonia to be brave and go to sleep, she should give the right example. She lay on her side, not just because of the narrowness of the bed, but also because her womb was getting too heavy to lay on her back comfortably. Sidney tried lying with her the first few nights. He would drape himself around her back with one hand stroking her belly. But after Charlotte had lashed out and kicked him in her sleep a few times, he found himself once more sleeping on the cabin floor in a makeshift bed. But some weeks after their departure he could feel the kicks coming from inside Charlotte’s belly. And this joy made up for a lot for the inconvenience of sailing for weeks on end, sleeping on the floor and the rough weather they had for days.

On Bermuda and Island of Das Flores, the most north-western island of the Azores, they had a welcome break, stretching their legs, replenishing their bellies and cargo space with fresh provisions, getting their laundry done, spending a night in a comfortable hotel and taking a little tour on the respective islands.

And after a journey of six weeks the Scilly Isles appeared on the horizon. They took turns looking through Charlotte’s telescope and watched the ship navigate around the cliffs. They docked shortly at the pier of Hugh Town for some fresh provisions and they could stretch their legs for a short while. Sidonia was little impressed with this first encounter with Britain, but Sidney promised there would be more to see when they reached Cornwall. The next day they departed early, to arrive in Falmouth in the middle of the day. It was the end of July, five months after Sidney and Charlotte had married and left England. Sidonia was more impressed with Falmouth than with Hugh Town, seeing all the tall ships in the harbour, the houses built below the cliffs, she could see fields with red flowers and sandy beaches as they sailed closer.

Sidney disembarked first to have his goods brought to a warehouse and arrange for rooms in an inn. Then he escorted his ladies to an inn on High Street, carrying Sidonia in his arms, ignoring the many stares of the local folk at seeing Carice and Sidonia’s colour, while porters carried their trunks on a wagon. They ordered tea and a bath. After a thorough scrub, they walked out, Sidonia on her father’s shoulders. They looked at the boats, Sidney explained again difference between a clipper and a schooner as he had done with Charlotte’s siblings on their departure from Portsmouth, and showed them the shops and the warehouses.

The next few days they spent in the Cornish town. Charlotte went to buy Sidonia and Carice some more clothes suitable to the cold English climate. Sidney made sure his barrels of rum, crates of fustic dyes, bundles of red cedar and mahogany wood were sold at the auction house and the dispatched to buyers and local traders. And they sent a letter ahead to Mary, confirming their arrival. They had sent letters more than a week before their departure to ask Mary to get their house in Sanditon ready. After five days of resting and sightseeing in Falmouth, they boarded a hired post chaise and began the three day journey to Sanditon, stopping in Exeter and Bournemouth for the night. For Charlotte the journey was almost as exciting as for Sidonia and Carice, seeing a part of England she had never seen before. Sidonia soon grew weary of the ride. On the boat she could at least walk around and play, in the coach it was more difficult. Sidney tried to amuse her by letting her sit on the box and help hold the reigns. They told tales and they did guessing games. And Sidonia slept a lot.

The third day, around dinner time, they arrived at their new home in Sanditon, the Parker’s ancestral house. Charlotte had preferred going to Sanditon first, rather than London, so Sidonia could get used to England in the relatively quiet coastal countryside and wished to retire in their House there, close to Mary and Allison now that she was pregnant and avoid the busy hustle and bustle of London. Besides, the bathing season was almost over, and they were eager to see how the town had developed and whether business in Sanditon was going well. After all, a lot depended on its success. Tom, Mary, their children and the Stringers were waiting for them there. Charlotte and Allison looked at each other with surprise as their bellies were equally round and bulging. They all hugged.

Mary teased Sidney when she caught him a moment alone: “Well Sidney, my eternal bachelor brother-in-law. Engaged twice in a year, married, a child and another on the way. You’ve worked hard!” He smiled a little self-content: “Well, I had some catching up to do…and apparently I married more than once.” Mary looked at him puzzled. “Apparently I married Sidonia’s mother last year, when I was in Antigua to fetch Georgiana. It must have slipped my mind, but Sidonia is now officially my step-daughter, nothing illegitimate about that.”

“So you were almost a bigamist?” Mary said a little reprovingly and astonished, but still smiling. “Well as long as you are happy now, brother. And Charlotte too. She seems a little fatigued and out of spirits, but given her condition and long journey you’ve had that’s hardly surprising.”

Sidney nodded as his face turned grave. “I’m afraid it’s not her pregnancy or the journey that weighs her down so much…We’ve had a trying time, Mary. I’m afraid Charlotte is not quite the same person as she was when we left England. I just hope her spirit will heel and we can enjoy our married life properly again. Otherwise I fear this unborn child will be our only one…” He said sombre. “I hope she’ll talk to you about the pain she cannot share with me.”

Mary looked at the both of them with concern: “Have you… hurt her in any way?” she asked carefully.

“Not me..., but I have not been able to protect her as I should… and now every time I try to touch her, even a hug…she seems revolted by me now.” he said resentfully, trying to hide his tears behind his hand.

Mary looked at him with pity. “I’m sure you’ll work it out, Sidney. Things change when you expect a child: expectations, desires, responsibilities, that is natural… I can say little about any bad experiences, but I will talk with her…and maybe keep your distance, when a woman is expecting she’s not always willing to…well, don’t force things, she ‘ll welcome your approaches eventually.” Mary tried to console him hesitatingly.

“Thank you Mary. You’re the only woman besides Charlotte I can talk to and right now, I feel I can’t get through to her…”

“You’re welcome, Sidney.” She paused: “I’m afraid I have more bad news.” Her face was grave and she signalled Tom. Tom scraped his throat, asking everybody’s attention. “I am afraid not everyone you have left behind is still with us today… your former ward, Sidney, Mrs. Molyneux has become a widow almost three months ago. We sent you a message, but I guess it had not reached you before your departure. And Lady D. has passed away just yesterday and we are quite distressed what this will mean for the investments she has done in the development of Sanditon. The inheritance is most likely to go to Lady Babington, but Lady D.’s solicitor will not confirm that yet. I need you to talk to the Babingtons. We should expect them here any moment for the funeral on Monday. ”

“We can worry about money later, Tom, let’s commemorate her ladyship first.” Sidney reacted a little agitated. “ And how awful for Georgiana. Where is she now?” he asked more concerned and mournful.

“Well, she’s in London. Arthur has been attending to her and he and Diana have taken Mrs. Molyneux in.” Tom said.

“Poor Georgiana, to cope with their complaints on top of her own misery.” Sidney mumbled a little cynically.

“Well, I had the impression Arthur was too busy lifting Mrs. Molyneux’s spirits to have any concern for himself.” Tom added, forcing a smile.

Charlotte sank down in her chair. “Poor Georgiana, to enjoy her happiness so shortly.” she said.

She looked Sidney in the eye, realising their own marital bliss had not lasted long. They needed to find that back somehow. “And poor Lady D. To die alone.” she added in a whisper.

“Well, Allison has kept her much company lately.” James Stringer intervened quickly.

“I’m glad you did, Allison. We’ll pray for her soul as well as that of Otis tonight.” Charlotte said.

Mary offered to show them the house. It had been renovated since she had seen it in January. Mary had some of the rooms fixed up for them, with new paint and wall decorations in soft green, blue and yellow colours, making them look fresh and light.

“Oh Mary, what an expense you’ve made!” Charlotte exclaimed as she walked through the reception rooms.

“Are those _Chinese_ silk hangings?!”

Mary smiled: “Well, they are silk, but the paintings are not Chinese. I would say they were even more rare and precious.”

Charlotte looked at them more closely: “Are these pictures of Sanditon?” she wondered out loud. Then she saw Allison smiling at her nervously. “Allison, is this your work?” Charlotte asked amazed.

Allison nodded. “Oh Allison, I don’t know what to say. The cost of the silk…”

“You can thank Lady Susan for the silk. She’s been sending me many rolls and paint to continue with my silk painting and she suggested I’d use them for the wall decorations. I had more than enough to decorate two houses. Although I must admit I’ve also made a dress.” Allison admitted shyly.

“Oh Susan is such a dear.” Charlotte cried out emotionally, remembering all the help her ladyship had given them for the organisation of their wedding and influencing the authorities in Antigua. She hugged Allison, bumping the two belly’s against each other.

“And the Rumford fireplaces, what a cost!” Charlotte continued.

“Well, I thought it worthwhile, it will save you much inconvenience from smoke and reduce fuel costs. And James here was so kind as to do some of the work for free…”

James responded: “In London you always had red eyes from the smoky air, you said, I didn’t want to any more of that.”

Charlotte smiled : “Well thank you very much, James, that was very considerate of you.”

Mary continued: “Tom and I have decided to put the house in your name. As a repayment for all the trouble you went through and indebting yourselves for our sakes.” Mary replied humbly.

Sidney gave his brother a hug.

“Well brother, you’ve always liked the house better than I did.” Tom argued.

“Thank you, Tom. Well Charlotte and I were thinking of putting our London House in Georgiana’s name as repayment, so this cottage is surely welcome to replace it as our home.”

“Our London House? I would be sorry if you did. I sold it to you those few years back so we would keep it in the family.” Tom reacted a little startled.

“Yes, well, I’m sure we can arrange it so that we might still use it from time to time.” Sidney responded a little annoyed at Tom’s objection. “But it would reduce the debt by twenty percent. However we might also rent it out and repay Georgiana with the revenue”

“Of course, of course!” Tom said. “Well, and we’ve been able to sell quite some houses here in Sanditon as you shall see, though not as many as I should wish. I kind of missed your influence there. I had hoped you would be back by the end of May at least.”

“Well, things were more troublesome in Antigua than I had anticipated.” Sidney said with increasing agitation, clenching his jaw. “But I’ll see what I can do to mend that.”

“Well, at least you’re in time for the big hunting event, and the last two balls we’re organising, though we don’t yet know if we can proceed with the hunt, now that the owner of the hunting grounds has passed away….”Tom said.

“All in time, Tom, all in time.” Sidney answered wryly. “For now, I just want a rest, see my house and enjoy my family.”

The travellers freshened up before dinner. Sidonia and Carice were shown the nursery and Sidonia was too excited about all the toys to think about changing for dinner. She had been rather shy of all these new people, but she quickly found a playmate in little Henry, who was the same age. Mary promised to send up some of Alicia’s old clothes that would fit Sidonia.

After dinner, their relatives left, Sidonia was brought to bed while Carice held watch over her. Sidney and Charlotte, after inspecting all the rooms, decided to go out for a stroll and see their beloved cliffs and beeches while the day was long and the warm air cooling down. They passed the place where they had first met and had parted, the notorious cove where Charlotte had seen Sidney bathing, they exchanged amused looks. They stopped at the cliff top where they had first kissed.

“Do you remember?” Sidney asked rhetorically. Charlotte nodded

“I was so nervous, I can only remember making some random remarks about the weather and the ball, while all I wanted to do is tell you that I loved you.”

Charlotte smiled pensively: “Yes, and you took my excuse to see the dressmaker so serious, while all I wanted to do was walk with you...and more…”

“I remember how happy I was that day, till events ruined not only our evening but our lives.” Sidney said melancholically.

“Let’s just remember the happy part, shall we?” Charlotte said, looking affectionately in his eyes.

“Yes, Charlotte” he said as his lips descended down on hers, repeating that very first kiss. But the kiss felt different, for they were no longer the same people. “Do you still have the same feelings for me?” he asked carefully. He saw her think. “Be honest.” He added.

She smiled “No…” He looked at her rather insecurely. “I still love you Sidney, but in a different way.” she said, stroking his hair. “I don’t think of our love as something constant, it’s more like a river, it flows, it evolves, just like we evolve. I am a different person from when I first came to Sanditon, another different from when I first kissed you, or when we engaged ourselves, the day we married, the day after. I am not even the same person I was yesterday, I guess. Every experience changes us…”

He smiled at her: “You’re right, we’re not the same man, or woman, for that matter, just as we are not stepping in the same river. I love you differently now than a few months ago. When I first saw you, it was a primitive attraction and it changed to passion, appreciation, adoration, excitement, a desperate yearning. Then came hope, optimism, familiarity, gratefulness and warmth…” he looked at her tenderly, then his countenance got overcast with sorrow and he added: “but I hope we go through these experiences together and our love develops along with it, that it brings us closer, and not apart…. I know it can take a long time to heal when your spirit has been crushed. You were my cure, I hope I can be the same for you.”

She looked at her feet and said softly: “I know you feel rejected. I don’t mean to….it’s just that when you touch me in a certain way, it reminds me of that awful night, and I just want to forget…I am trying to put it behind me and do know that I love you even more for your patience….” He showed a sad smile. “I do wish to get back to what we had together, Sidney, but it takes time.” she explained. Then she added hesitatingly, with a little blush: “And… well my body isn’t exactly the same as it was five months ago... I’m not sure how to go about it.”

He gave her an understanding smile, lifting her chin gently with his hand: “Well, that’s new to me too, but other couples find a way. Dr. Michels assured me it could do no harm as long as I take care not to crush the baby, though…” he tried to hide a chuckle.

“What?” Charlotte asked him curiously and insecurely “What did he say?…”

“Okay, don’t get cross with me for telling you this…. he asked me what would be the point of bothering you when the purpose, getting you pregnant, was already fulfilled and why I did not seek my pleasure elsewhere like many other men do?” he answered with amused indignation.

Charlotte widened her eyes and looked at him reprovingly.

“I didn’t take his advice, Charlotte, just so you know” he reacted reassuringly, adding carefully after a pause “ …unless you want me to?”

She looked at him infuriated and hissed: “You men and your desires…how you men think you’ll ever get a place in heaven with all this, this….and people condemn me for desiring my own husband…”

She turned around and walked away…

“Charlotte, please, sorry I shouldn’t have made that last remark… it was meant in jest. And don’t mind what other people say, you know I wish you to enjoy the physical part of our relationship, I don’t see any harm in women enjoying that part of marriage … ” She stopped, her face looked hurt. “I didn’t mean to open that wound… what I meant to say is that it _your_ wishes that drive me, nothing else…I have no wish to turn to others.” he added tenderly.

Her face relaxed. She looked up at him and showed a faint smile. “It’s all right.” She said “I’m sorry I lashed out. Let’s just go home. It’s getting dark.”

They walked back home in silence. Charlotte retired to her new rooms, while Sidney decided to sit in his study a little bit. Their new maid had prepared a bath and Carice helped Charlotte bath and undress herself. Charlotte crept under the crispy clean sheets. Her new satin quilt and curtains were a golden yellow with a stitching that looked like little shells. She looked around at the beachy tones of the room. Here too, the walls were decorated with silk hangings painted by Allison, depicting a sea view from the cliffs, framed in wood, decorated with rose bushes and ivy. Charlotte recognised the cliff rock in it where she and Sidney had first kissed. She smiled melancholically. Fatigued as she was, she closed her eyes, and waited for Sidney’s knock on the door and fell asleep without hearing one.


	22. Weeds and the Garden of Eden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reverend Hankins and the floral metaphors in his sermons once again make Charlotte feel uneasy. Mary councils Charlotte on marital relations and gives her some literature to read and pictures to look at. Charlotte decides to do something bold and do things a bit differently to save her marriage.

# 22\. Weeds and the Garden of Eden

Charlotte woke up alone the next morning, realising Sidney had not come to her bed. She felt a little disappointed. But she got up, picked her Sunday dress, her old wedding dress, from its hanger as Mrs. Jenkins had sent her clothes from London to Sanditon at their directions. She hoped it would still fit after five months of pregnancy and asked Carice for help with fastening her stays and putting her hair up. The dress fit, but she felt her swollen bosom pressed in it and her belly fit only just. Sidonia was already up, dressed in a new light blue dress, sitting at the breakfast table. They had bought it in Falmouth, it had a silk bodice embroidered with little pink flowers and at the bottom of her skirt there was pink embroidery as well. On the edges of her sleeves there was some lace. Blue and pink satin ribbons were braided in her curly hair. Carice was wearing a new dress as well: a light pink cotton dress. Sidney looked impeccable in the clothes he had worn to their wedding. Charlotte looked him in the eye inquisitively as he stood up on her entering.

“Good morning dear, have you slept well?” he asked carefully.

“I think so.” she said a little hesitatingly, asking him with her eyes why he had not come to her room.

“And has little Parker behaved?” he asked.

“Well, little Parker was quite busy, he didn’t agree on sleeping at all.” she said, forcing a smile. She ate her ginger and saffron cakes and swallowed down her coffee.

After breakfast, when they were alone in the room for a moment she asked him: “Why didn’t you come to my room last night?”

“I wasn’t sure if I was welcome.” He replied, avoiding her eyes.

“I missed you..” she said

He looked at her: “Have you?” he asked solemnly. She looked at him a little confused. Was he giving up on her? Was this how the rest of their settled life would be, each sleeping in their own room?

They put on their coat and cardigan and walked to church. Reverend Hankins was pleased to see them again: “I see you are working hard on expanding our flock, Mr. Parker. Well, that is life, it flows out of some of us, while new life starts in others.”

Sidney smirked and gave him a polite nod in response. The new Mrs. Hankins asked him curiously whether he had a new ward. “Well no, Mrs. Hankins, this is my daughter Sidonia. ”Sidney said loud and proud. A wave of shocked whispers ran through church.

Mrs. Hankins whispered with surprised reproof: “ I did not know you had an illegitimate child, Mr. Parker.”

“She’s not illegitimate. I married her mother last year before the poor creature passed away.” Sidney said, smiling smugly.

“I see.” Mrs. Hankins reacted somewhat confused, afraid to ask any more questions.

They sat down, Sidonia between Carice and Charlotte, which raised quite some eyebrows. Mr. Hankins started his sermon, talking of withered flowers flying away with the wind and sowing new flowers and the importance of sowing them in the intended flower beds and not sowing any weeds in order to create God’s Eden on earth. He went on about the importance of keeping one’s spouse happy and satisfied because “He who lives in the garden of Eden will not be tempted to leave it and she who refrains from temptation from the serpent and biting apples forbidden to her would not be cast out by God.”

Charlotte felt Sidney squeeze her hand meaningfully and gently and she saw him smile a little amused in the corner of her eye, but she felt embarrassed. She felt herself stiffen and retracted her hand. Before she lowered her gaze she noticed Mary observing her with concern.

After the service, they waited outside church to greet the Babingtons, who had arrived just the evening before. They looked very happy, despite the unfortunate reason for their trip to Sanditon: the burial of Lady Denham the following Monday morning. Behind them a nurse accompanied them, carrying their little boy Frederick of three months.

“Well, congratulations Babbers, I see your little heir has arrived.” Sidney remarked with a smile.

“Yes, thank you! But apparently you are overtaking me in the multiplication department, Parker.” Lord Babington grinned with a wink. Charlotte blushed.

“Yes, what do you think of my delightful little girl?” Sidney asked, as he pulled Sidonia from behind his legs.

“Well, as you say: delightful!” Babington replied diplomatically. “Well, they’ve not sold you a pig in a poke. I can see she’s yours for sure… or else somebody who reassembles you quite closely.” He japed with a grin.

Sidney looked admiringly at Sidonia: “Even if she was not, I would still want to take care of her, for her mother’s sake.”

“Well, one advice, Parker, pray Charlotte gives birth to a girl, if it’s a boy I’m afraid you’ll no longer be her favourite man. Your son will come first with her. I’ve spent months trying to become my Esther’s great love, but I fear I’ve already been replaced.” Lord Babington whispered in his ear with a sigh.

Sidney chuckled amused. Charlotte, overhearing them, replied: “I can imagine how you feel, Lord Babington” she glanced at Sidney and Sidonia. “But surely Esther loves you even more now for being the boy’s father?”

Lord Babington smiled a little humbled and endeared as Lady Babington confirmed Charlotte’s words with one of her rare smiles.

They walked on while Sidney talked to Lord Babington and Lady Babington took Charlotte’s arm. “I hope your trip was as exciting as you wished.” she inquired “And that you’re still happy you married Sidney.”

“I’ve no regret in marrying him.” Charlotte said, hoping her voice didn’t tremble too much.

Esther examined her face. “And the journey?”

“Well, it could have been better.” Charlotte said solemnly. “Though I must say I have seen some very beautiful places.” She forced a smile

“Well, enlighten me…”Esther said. “But before you do, I have a request: tomorrow after the burial, my aunt’s solicitor will read her will and I would like you and Sidney to be there… for comfort, you know.”

“Well, it is something private of course and has little to do with us, but if it pleases you, I will accompany you for your consolation. Sidney however must go to London for business and to see his former ward, Mrs. Molyneux, who has been widowed, you know.” Charlotte replied

“Yes of course. But you are not traveling with him to London?” Lady Babington asked surprised.

“No, we’ve just travelled three days from Falmouth and after six weeks on a boat, with a new house, new child... I wish to settle things here a bit.”

“Of course you do.” Esther said with a mysterious smile.

In the afternoon Sidney and Charlotte walked around town, admiring all the progress in construction. The streets were busier than in their remembrance. They had tea with the Stringers, admiring their new home and its design. Alison showed Charlotte a fresco was painting, another painting hobby she was attempting, that was still unfinished at the top: “But James does not permit me to stand on a ladder in my current condition.” Allison said with some regret. The two sisters discussed the ailments and progress in their pregnancies.

After seeing the Stringers they went to Tom and Mary in Trafalgar House, Sidonia being eager to play with her cousins again.

Mary took Charlotte apart and they sat down in Mary’s parlour. “I hear you had some unpleasant experience during your journey.”

Charlotte looked at her carefully: “Did Sidney tell you what happened?”

“Not in detail, but enough to give me some idea of how traumatising it has been for you… he told me you have problems with the physical part of your marriage now.”

Charlotte looked down: “He’s been complaining, has he…”

“I wouldn’t call it complaining, but he is concerned you will keep rejecting him forever… And I noticed your reaction in church when reverend Hankins was discussing marital relations…. Every marriage has its troubles, dear, but you must find a way out together if you don’t want to grow apart.” Mary tried to reason with her.

“I do not wish to reject him, it’s just that I can’t bear having him on top of me anymore. I don’t want it to, but it reminds me of that awful night, I feel trapped and I just want to run and fight. It’s not his fault.” Charlotte whispered, looking at her feet.

“ I see… have you thought about doing things a bit differently?” Mary asked her carefully.

“What do you mean?” Charlotte asked

“Well, there’s more than one way to go about it. You might try to turn things upside down. Especially now that you’re expecting, it can be more pleasant not to have his weight press on you.”

“I’m not sure what you mean.” Charlotte said, looking confused.

“Come with me dear.” Mary said with a smile. She went in her dressing room and came with some books bound in brown leather and some leaflets. One book contained a church manual on marital relations. Another was labelled ‘Aristotle’s Masterpiece’. The other had some unfamiliar signs on the cover. Mary blushed a bit as she put if before Charlotte.

“I’m going to let you in on a little secret. Don’t tell Tom I know he has this book, or Sidney for that matter. It is a Hindustani book I found when we were clearing our old house, your house now, it must have belonged to their father. I’m sure Tom has looked in it and I dare Sidney has as well when they were young. It contains some…very explicit images of couples. I thought it rather shocking, I must say I can hardly look at it. But there may be some examples that might help you on the pages that I’ve marked that may be useful in your current situation. You’d better not look at the rest…. And here is a leaflet from a doctor that we consulted during my first pregnancy that might enlighten you as well about what is prudent when you are with child. The other book gives the Church’s view on conjugal duties and what is proper.” Charlotte blushed. “Maybe you should try it dear, if you don’t want Sidney to satisfy his needs outdoors…I’m sure he means to be faithful to you, but he is a still a man…” Mary said hesitatingly. Charlotte stared at her feet and kept silent. Mary gave her hug. “I’ll leave you alone with it for a while. I’ll tell Sidney you’re resting and reading some things on pregnancy.” Just put the books in the bottom drawer of my dressing table when you’re finished reading, under the shawl.”

In the evening, as Sidney was packing his bags for his trip to London the next day in his room, Charlotte knocked on his bedroom door. “I’m retiring to bed now, will you join me later?” she asked him.

“Is that what you want?” he asked hesitatingly, looking her in the eyes.

“I don’t like sleeping alone.” she said softly

“Well, you’ve got little Parker to keep you company.” he said dryly with a faint smile.

“Well, he’s nice, but he can’t stroke my hair or hold my hand.” She replied, trying to ease their conversation with a joke.

“I can see that being a bit of a problem for him.” Sidney replied dryly. He sat down on the bed. “You know you can come to me too, if you miss me.” He looked her in the eye.

“Isn’t it the man’s right to ask and for the lady to refuse?” she remarked, looking hopeful.

“Well, I don’t mind you taking some initiative.” he said “Your ideas are usually quite good… So will _you_ come to _me_ tonight for once? ” he pleaded.

“Perhaps I will if you get to bed before me.” Charlotte replied “If I have to come to you somewhere in the middle of the night … I’d rather not risk tripping over anything in the dark, especially not in my current condition...”

“Yes, that’s your prerogative right now.” he sighed, falling over backwards on the bed. She looked at him. He looked rather tired, the scowl on his face that had been gone during their engagement and first weeks of their marriage was back. He’d been worrying too much. He couldn’t have slept well, all those weeks on board, sleeping on the floor. She felt guilty. He had suffered so much by her doing, or rather her not-doing. She remembered Mary’s advice and the literature she had given her to read. She needed to resume their intimacy, she realised, she couldn’t keep refusing him. She had to look after his needs if she didn’t want to lose him. She took a deep breath, locked the door and sat down beside him. She pulled off his boots and carefully laid herself down on her side beside him and stroked his hair for a while. She started kissing his ear. She heard him moan and suppressing a squirm. He turned his face to hers, looking at her with a mixture of desire and torture. She kissed him on the lips and let her hand move down from his neck to his abdomen. He grabbed her hand and whispered somewhat hesitantly: ”You’re stirring my arousal, are you sure you want that?”

“Ssh,”she whispered “Let _me_ take care of _you_ for once.”

He moaned, supressing a grin and let her hand go. He let her unbutton his waist coat, loosen his cravat, moved his head backwards to give her space to kiss his neck, reached out to kiss hers. 

There was a knock on the door from the housekeeper. Sidney groaned and asked her to come back later. They giggled in amusement. Charlotte pulled up his shirt kissing him on the chest, slowly moving her lips in the direction of his breeches.

“Dear God.” she heard him mumble.

“Good boy!” she whispered “Saying your prayers on Sunday.”

“Oh, you devilish woman.” He sighed.

“On the contrary.” She continued “What we’re doing is the most sacred of acts. Our religious obligation according to this morning’s sermon.”

“Well do go on with mass then. ”he moaned.

She unbuttoned his breeches, pulled them down slowly, caressing the limbs it had covered while Sidney kept calling for God. Charlotte felt herself hesitate and trembling a little but she carefully swung her leg over his body. He helped her position herself on top of him, lifted her dress, and guided her movements. He had always been on top and now she enjoyed seeing him squirm under her. It was more pleasant for herself than she’d expected. She felt powerful as he saw him almost screaming with relief and joy and resting motionless below her with a great smile of satisfaction with his eyes closed.

“Well, God has answered my prayer today.” he sighed, quite out of breath.

“ Well, I think it’s blasphemy to call me God, Sidney.” she said with a smile.

He laughed: “Are you sure you’re not Aphrodite?”

“You’re not worshipping a pagan Goddess on a Sunday, I hope.” Charlotte said with false shock.

“Well, I think I’d better say a prayer then.” Sidney answered

“Devilish boy, you’re praying for more?” she said teasingly.

“I thought more of a ‘Thank you’… no, I can’t ask for more right now.” He sighed.

She climbed off him and laid herself next to him.

After he few minutes he turned on his side and looked her in the eyes. “How , why…” he asked a little befuddled.

“I guess in needed to be on top of things.” She said

“Yes, that was quite clear, you were on top of my things…”he grinned.

“I mean I felt a need to be in control. Take matters in my own hand.”

“You did that too, dear...”

She punched him softly on the chest. “Don’t ridicule me…in earnest, I’ve taken some advice from Mary, I don’t want to let what happened come between us anymore. I’m not saying I’ve fully recovered from that now, but it helps when you allow me to take the lead, to do things differently”

“This was Mary’s idea? I had asked her to talk to you, but this was not exactly what I had in mind… I don’t think I’ll look at her the same again….Well, I’ve no objection in following you instead of the other way around.” He looked a little wondered.

“Well, Mary wasn’t that explicit in her advice, but she gave me some things to read.”

“Well I must check out what literature she’s giving you, if I can approve of all of it….but I just hope you haven’t overexerted yourself just now.” he answered, caressing her belly. “I hope little Parker here is not too upset.”

“Well, I think he thought it quite boring what we are doing, he went to sleep. Wait, he’s waking up now.” she said directing Sidney’s hand to feels the little kicks. He raised up her dress and stays to look at her bare belly and watched in amazement how little bumps moved across it.

“Well, it’s reassuring he had no consciousness of what we were doing.” Sidney said. He sat straight up: “I have to finish packing, dear.” giving her and her belly a kiss.

“And I will get ready for bed.” she said.

“Is it all right…”He asked hesitatingly. ”I mean, you asked for the lead, but shall I still come to _your_ bed tonight?”

“I’d like that.” She answered softly with a smile. She handed him his clothes, straightened her own, checked her hair in the mirror in the last sunlight of the day. She tried not to blush when Carice helped her undress, while Sidney tried not to smile too much when their nervous maid brought him some things he’d asked for earlier. He packed them quickly and changed into his night shirt and robe and knocked on Charlotte’s bedroom door. Instead of crawling under her blankets himself, he let her direct him and enjoyed it.

Later that night they discussed Reverend Hankins’ sermon on ‘the garden of Eden’ and not sowing weeds.

“Too bad, I would prefer to be a Dandelion than a Dahlia, I would like to fly in the wind to new places and discover the world. ” Charlotte mumbled, while her fingers stroked through his hair.

Sidney laughed: “I think of you more as a rare, wild pink rose, climbing around the apple tree of wisdom.”

“Well, watch for my thorns then.” Charlotte said teasingly. “But I wonder what plant you are? ”

“I would like to be the apple tree you climb in, the tree of wisdom.” he said with a little naughty smile: “ but I think I’m more the ivy that entangles with you….”

“Growing everywhere and nowhere even in the darkest of corners.” Charlotte added, mumbling “Dionysus’ symbol of indulgence and festivity. What would Mr. Hankins say about that?” she raised her eyebrows, teasingly questioning him.

“What about the Anemone my Adonis turns into?” she asked.

“Well, I’d prefer not to be killed by a boar.” he objected. “I prefer Ivy, growing in our garden of Eden, together with that rare, wild pink rose.” He smiled looking softly in her eyes. “I just hope I don’t overgrow her.” he said, tenderly stroking her lips. “You’ll need to trim me a bit.” She smiled amused, then she took his hand, weaving her fingers in his. “Yes, our garden does seem a little Eden.” She sighed contently. “Maybe a good name for the house…I just hope I’m not thrown out when I bite in one of the apples.” She mumbled in jest.

“Well, I’ll allow you to taste my apples, if you do it gently. After all, the apple is dedicated to Aphrodite… and I’d like you to be seduced by my one-eyed serpent.” Sidney whispered, looking thirstily in her eye. She blushed and poked him reprovingly with her elbow, but she hesitatingly accepted his invitation, before she exhaustedly wrapped herself in his body and they went to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'Aristotle's Masterpiece' (no not from the Greek philosopher) was a sort of guide book on seks, pregnancy and child birth in Regency Era with a a lot of explicit pictures. 
> 
> Athough controversial, the Church would give guidelines of 'appropriate' positions for intercourse when the wife was pregnent. Although there was much discussion whether it should be encouraged at all (after, when the wife was already pregnant it served no purpose of procreation), but it the general belief was that it would reduce infedility by the husbands if they kept access to legitimate seks within marriage.


	23. Changing fortune's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlotte confesses to Sidney she's afraid he'll go astray while in London. After Sidney has left, Lady D.'s will is read and contains some surprises. There's a little prank with Tom.

# 23\. Changing Fortune's

The following Monday morning Lady D. was interred in a modest ceremony. Reverend Hankins prised her for her involvement in Sanditon’s development and her ‘excellent qualities’, which he did not specify. It was always difficult to hide laughter and embarrassment at Mr. Hankins sermons, but Sidney and Charlotte had more trouble hiding their smiles than usual, after rekindling and further exploring their physical relationship the night before.

After the burial they had tea in Sanditon House. Sidney excused himself as he had to leave for London to see Georgiana, attend to his business and make inquiries after Carice’s son. Mr. Harrod had given them some information before they left Antigua on who had possibly taken Jason, as was the boy’s name -or rather a man, because after fifteen years the ten-year-old would be a grown man- to England. After all the help they had gotten from Carice to unite Sidney with his daughter, Sidney wanted to do the same for her. Before he left Sanditon House, he took Charlotte to a quiet corner to kiss her goodbye. “Take care, my love. And watch over my little one.” stroking her belly.

“We’ll be fine, Sidney. Just give Georgiana my love, and apologise for my not accompanying you….and ask her to keep an eye on you, to keep you out of mischief.” She winked.

“Keep _me_ out of mischief?” Sidney raised his eyebrows amused. 

“Well, I hope after last night you don’t feel any need to check out Mrs. Harris’ new girls to fulfil your needs….”Charlotte said in a strict voice.

Sidney laughed a little embarrassed: “Oh, so _that_ was what you were afraid of… I think I’m going to make you jealous more often.” Charlotte pinched her eyes. “I had no plans of going there, or any place alike.” he whispered in her ear. “But I hope that was not your only motive? That you enjoyed yourself as well?”

“I might have.” she said with a wink, giving him a last kiss.

Charlotte stayed with the Babingtons when the solicitor came to read the will. She hardly listened, still thinking about the night before and shook up when Lady Babington asked her “Well , what do you say to that, Charlotte?” smiling at her meaningfully.

Charlotte looked at her quite caught and bemused.

“She admired you very much, Charlotte.” Charlotte nodded hesitantly “Oh, this is so endearing, Charlotte. You really had no idea, did you?”

“No idea of what?” Charlotte asked with confused anxiety.

“Well, you and Sidney can stop worrying about money.” Lady Babington smiled amused. Charlotte raised her eyebrows. “It’s all yours, Charlotte.”

Then Charlotte’s eyes widened in shock and amazement : “What did you just say?” she asked.

“My aunt left everything to you, Charlotte. Well apart from some small stipends to some of her distant cousins and for your sister. And she left me some trinkets, but for the rest…” Esther continued.

“Me, why, what for?” Charlotte exclaimed in shock.

“Well, she believes you are the best candidate to fulfil her last wishes, that is you have to realise a donkey stud and make sure Sanditon becomes a successful bathing town. And she admired you and Sidney for having the courage to marry for love, Sidney turning down a fortune of half a million pounds and you marrying a severely indebted man.” Lady Babington elucidated her aunt’s decision.

Charlotte’s face brightened. “Now we can repay Georgiana” Then her face turned worried: “But are you not upset, Esther?”

“No, Lord Babington and I have more than enough. I asked her not to leave the money to me. It didn’t feel right after all the fighting about it. It would be cursed money. But in your hands it will be blessed, I’m sure.” Lady Babington reassured her.

“You _knew_ she would leave it to me?” Charlotte asked surprised.

“I might have made a suggestion.” Esther said with a wink.

“Too bad Sidney is not here, I would like to see his face.” Lord Babington said, grinning.

“ I would like to see _Tom’s_ face…”Charlotte said somewhat mischievously “and I wish Sidney would be there to see it too.”

“Well, I’m sure Tom will bother us soon enough…”Lord Babington mumbled

“Now, why don’t we take you home Mrs. Parker? …Or rather which of the three, since Sanditon House and Denham Place now belong to you as well.”

Charlotte gasped for air: “Dear God!”

“I see you’re a little overwhelmed, but I think the housekeepers of both places would like some instructions.” Lady Babington said calmly.

“Could the two of you stay here some time longer, while I sort things out with Sidney? He’ll be back in a few days.” Charlotte asked a little insecure.

“If you wish, we can watch over the places for a week or two, we have no urgency to go home.” Lord Babington replied.

“I thought I had to get used to running _one_ house this week, feeling lucky we still had a roof over our head, all of a sudden I have four houses to consider, if I count our London House as well.” Charlotte said in astonishment.

“I’m sure you’ll manage, Mrs. Parker.” Lord Babington said: “Well, would you like to look around? Then you can decide better what to do with it.”

“Yes, maybe a short tour of the place would be nice.” Charlotte said, still confused. “But not too long, I’ve asked Carice to take Sidonia to Tom and Mary’s place, but I fear she’ll be upset if I stay away too long, especially with Sidney being away.”

Lady Babington got up and walked through the house with Charlotte. Of course Charlotte had stayed there the three weeks before Christmas, but she hadn’t seen the entirety of the house yet. It dazzled her. Charlotte knew she had to be grateful but the gloomy interior of Sanditon House, though beautiful, had always depressed her. It had impressed her with all the beautiful paintings on the walls and ceilings, but she doubted it would ever feel like home.

The Babingtons brought Charlotte to Trafalgar House with their carriage. Tom invited them in and of course immediately asked after the will.

“I assume you are her principal heir, Lady Babington? But I was wondering if she had said anything about the development of Sanditon?”

“Well, Tom, you’ll be surprised to hear my Esther got little more than Lady D.’s tiara and some other trinkets.” Lord Babington smiled and then with false sarcasm: “Well, apparently she loves her asses very much, because she has named _them_ in her will.”

“She’s leaving everything to the asses?” Tom said in astonishment and quite panicking.

“Well, I wouldn’t call the young lady who inherits the main sum that, though her husband might qualify for that label sometimes.” He chuckled. Lady Babington gave her husband a jerk, looking at him reprovingly, while Charlotte looked at him a little shocked.

“Well, as his old friend I’m allowed to say he’s a bit of an idiot sometimes, especially in matters of the heart.” Lord Babington said apologetically “It’s more luck than reason that he managed to marry the woman he loved after his brutal behaviour towards her and breaking her heart. Thank God his wife has more sense.” Charlotte tried to supress her laughter.

“So you know the young lady?” Tom asked “Is she one of the Brereton relatives?”

“Oh no, there’s no blood relation between them. Just a bond between one strong, independent woman and the other.” Lord Babington added in a mysterious tone.

“Oh, and you know the lady? Would you be willing to introduce us to her? Considering the large sum that has been invested in Sanditon. Do you think she’ll be willing to keep that investment?” Tom asked anxiously.

Mary, who had already been informed by lady Babington, reproached him: “Tom, please, Lady Babington has just lost her aunt and all you do is fuss about what it’ll mean to your project.”

“I’m sorry, it’s just that there’s so much at stake. Lord Babington is aware of that.” Tom apologised.

“Yes, I do know, Tom. And I can introduce you to the heiress on short notice, but I believe you already know her.” Lord Babington said triumphally.

“I do?” Tom asked surprised.

“Yes, well, she’s standing right next to you.”

Tom looked puzzled, looking at Mary first, who was smiling mysteriously, then at Lady Babington, before he caught Charlotte’s eye and saw her nod.

“You?” he asked.

“Yes, unless I’m having some strange dream that I’m about to wake from.” Charlotte mumbled, looking at the ground.

“But that is…fantastic.” Tom exclaimed in exhilaration.

“We’re saved, Mary, we’re saved.”

“Well, don’t get your hopes up dear, you don’t know yet what Charlotte plans to do with the money.” Mary replied dryly.

“Well, I’m sure to count on my brother, I must hope.”

“Well, one of the stipulations was that Charlotte would manage the capital herself.” Lady Babington added.

Tom stared at her, while Charlotte looked very sternly at him. Then she smiled: “ I think I can manage it wisely without sending you and Mary to the poor house.” Tom gave her a big hug.

“I’ve been too proud to admit it before, Charlotte, though Sidney has put in before my nose so many times, you are the key to the success of Sanditon.” Charlotte smiled: “Well, I must owe you Tom, I never came up with the idea of developing Sanditon in the first place, nor did I take the risk of investing, till now.”

“Does Sidney know yet?” Tom asked.

Charlotte smiled: “No, he’ll be back by the end of the week.”

“But we do want to pull his leg a bit, just like we did with you.” Babington smiled

“You mean almost causing him a heart attack?” Tom reproached him.

“Well, Tom, it’s a small price to pay. A little amusement for our sake as a reward for Esther lobbying with Lady D. to include Charlotte in her will.” Lord Babington smiled mischievously.

“Well, I hope you all stay for dinner tonight?” Tom said. “Charlotte may treat us with the next one, she can afford to now, but this one’s on me and I demand to sit next to the wealthy heiress.” Charlotte smiled at him: “I’d be honoured, Tom.”

After dinner they went for a stroll on the beach with the children. Mary took Charlotte by the arm: “Well it seems your luck is turning, my dear. I just hope you’ll find happiness in your marriage again as well and that you and Sidney do not estrange from one another.” Mary said.

Charlotte blushed: “Well Sidney and I have made some progress on that account last night.” She said.

“Really!” Mary smiled, looking curious. “What set that about?”

“Well, your advice was very helpful and I took control of things.” Charlotte said, blushing even more. “and Sidney didn’t mind submitting himself to me.”

“Well, don’t let him become lazy and let you do all the work.” Mary said, supressing a smile. “We’ve got enough tasks already without those of our husbands’”

“I will keep that mind.” Charlotte said mischievously.

“But I must say he looked pretty happy for someone attending a burial.” Mary said teasingly. “Now, I assume you’ll move to Sanditon House soon?”

“Oh dear God!” Charlotte exclaimed: “I don’t know what to do with the place. It’s so big…, so cold.., so dark. I’m not sure if I could ever feel at home there, not like the house we have now, your old house.”

“Good to hear it pleases you.” Mary said. “I must say, I miss it sometimes.”

“I have to think over a lot of things and I wish Sidney were here to discuss. Of course we’ll repay Georgiana first thing, and I’ll have to look in the plans for Sanditon, I helped Lady D. last winter, so I have some idea, but I’ll have to dive into it further.”

“Yes, and again, let Sidney take some of the load off you. You also have a child coming up, that is a job in itself.”

“Yes, we agreed to be partners in everything, but carrying this little burden here is something we cannot share.” Charlotte said with some regret.

“No, indeed men can’t, so we’ll have to let them do all the other hard work.” Mary said firmly.

Charlotte smiled, yet believed she would rather outsource her pregnancy than the management of the estate and development of Sanditon.


	24. Sidney's return

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sidney comes back from London with some company and exciting news. Lord Babington repeats his prank with Sidney and Charlotte's manages to stir Sidney's jealousy when she expresses her fondness for a certain man.

# 24\. Sidney’s return

On Saturday, Sidney returned in a carriage with Mrs. Molyneux, and his brother Arthur and sister Diana and Charlotte’s brother William. Sidney smiled at Arthur as they approached the house: “Charlotte shall be very pleased to hear your news.”

“I may hope so!” Arthur replied: “It must relieve her of some concerns.”

“Well, I think she’ll be most delighted that you have found happiness.” Sidney added. “Now will you accept my invitation to stay in our new home? Or rather _your old_ one?”

“Are you sure Charlotte doesn’t mind? Having some many visitors at once while she’s just setting up her household? In her precious condition? Are you not afraid of the risks?” Diana asked concerned “and I remember there being quite a draft in the house. We’ll all have colds within a day and poor Charlotte would have to nurse us.”

“Come on, Diana, I’ve sent Charlotte a note upfront, the cottage has been done up well, I experienced no draft whatsoever and we have bedrooms enough for each of you if I give up mine to Arthur.” Sidney pleaded, trying to hide his annoyance at his sister’s pose.

“You don’t have to, Sidney. I think William and I can perfectly well share a room.” Arthur replied. “Don’t you agree, William?” Arthur looked at him meaningfully.

“Oh yes, don’t trouble yourself brother.” William said. “And I dare say my sister will tell us honestly if we’re too much. And I can go to Allison and James as well. ”

“Well, I might prevail on Tom and Mary myself, but I’ll see the cottage first.” Diana said “And I believe it better if Arthur slept at Trafalgar House as well, for reasons of propriety.” Diana said.

“Indeed: just see the house first.” Sidney replied with a sigh. “We’re almost there.”

The coach stopped in front of the house and Charlotte ran out together with Sidonia, who was curious but also a bit nervous to meet so many new aunts and uncles, and quickly jumped unto Sidney, burying her head in his coat.

“Well, introduce us, Sidney.” Diana asked curiously. “I thought I saw a very pretty little face, but it has altogether disappeared in your chest.”

The little face peeped out of the coat, looking at Diana and then gazed behind her, at Georgiana and a puzzled look appeared on her face, as if Georgiana was a familiar but she didn’t quite know how she knew her. Georgiana came closer, whispering. “I know how you feel, little one, now I am Georgiana, and who are you?”

Sidonia smiled, buried her face in Sidney’s coat again, popped her head out and then said her name with a giggle. “Yes, and this is your aunt Diana, your uncle Arthur, and your uncle William.” Sidney added.

Charlotte hugged all of them, especially Georgiana. “I’m so sorry to hear about Otis.” Charlotte said, getting quite emotional. “How are you coping?”

Georgiana’s eyes became red, but she smiled. “Yes, Otis and I have been given very little time together and indeed I was beside myself with grief, but I’m moving on. Arthur here has done his best to lift my spirits.”

“Yes, I heard he and Diana have been taking care of you.” Charlotte said.

“Yes, well I think I did something for them as well.” Georgiana said with a smile nodding her head in Arthur’s direction.

“Yes, Arthur looks a lot healthier.” Charlotte remarked

“I got him to exercise more.” Georgiana smiled. “Well…your brother takes him out a lot as well.”

“Well, excuse me, I haven’t been given the opportunity to greet my wife yet.” Sidney said somewhat disturbed. Georgiana stepped aside with a smile while Sidney hugged Charlotte quite tightly. “These six days without you have been torture my dear, I don’t know how I ever fared without you.” he whispered.

“I can imagine how you felt.” she said “I’ve been quite at loss without you too.” She paused: “I asked James and Allison to stay with us while you were gone, I had trouble sleeping Monday night, I kept imagining somebody breaking into the house.”

He looked her deep in the eye with some worry: “I’m glad James and Allison were with you, I don’t want you ever to feel unsafe again. I’ll take some more measures for your security. ”

“Well, at least we can bring you some good news.” he said “But I’d like Tom and Mary to be here when we tell.”

“Yes, I’ve invited them and the Babingtons for dinner as well.” Charlotte informed him.

“Well, we’ll have a full house then.” Sidney said “I hope you don’t mind me asking Diana, Arthur William and Georgiana to stay with us, do you? I thought we would rooms enough for them to sleep in.”

“Oh we definitely have enough rooms to accommodate guests.” Charlotte replied with a mysterious smile.

“Good.” Sidney said “Just tell me honestly if it’s not too much of a burden for you now, they will understand.”

“Well, if that’s the case I’ll bear some of the load on you.” she said with a smile. “And I’ve taken the liberty of employing an extra housemaid and a footman.”

“Ah, very well.” He replied, seeming a little taken aback by her decision to hire extra staff without discussing the financial implications with him, especially as the tax on having a male servant was quite high and now that the house was in their own name, they would have to pay the window tax too. She told him she had to hire a new cook because of some disagreement. She didn’t tell him Mrs. Crock, the old cook, had refused any orders given to her by Carice and had said hateful things about Sidonia being a ‘savage bastard’ and it being a humiliation she should be placed beneath her. She didn’t wat to upset or anger Sidney.

“And I have surprise for you.” she said with a smile.

“Yes, I’ve noticed the two hairy little friends barking at us when we arrived.” He patted one of the two spaniels who waited eagerly at Charlotte’s feet, while remarking in his head that there would be a dog tax to be paid as well.

“I thought they could guard the house and make nice playmates for Sidonia as well.” She said, still smiling mysteriously.

“Well, not just for Sidonia!” Sidney replied with a playful grin, while he kept patting the two dogs.

After they went inside and showed the guests their rooms, Tom and Mary arrived with their children as well as the Babingtons and they sat down for dinner. Before they started, Sidney started to speech:

“Well, people, Charlotte and I would like to welcome you all in our new home. It is good to see all of you after such a long absence, although sad enough we are not complete. You can see that Charlotte and I have wasted little time in forming a little family and I wish to thank you, it is because of our family and good old friends that we have found each other and have been able to realise our little paradise here. We’ve had some disasters and misfortunes, but I dare say we’ve also found love and happiness. And with regard to that, I give the word to Arthur, who wants to make an announcement.”

Arthur stood up, giggled nervously and then scraped his voice. “Well, I cannot give as good as a speech as my brothers, but I’ll try. You all know Mrs. Molyneux has suffered a great loss a few months ago. But fortunately I’ve been able to lift her spirits somewhat to the extent that her affections have turned to me and she has agreed to marry me.”

Charlotte widened her eyes in surprise, looked at Georgiana, who nodded with a smile it was true.

“Oh Arthur, Georgiana, I’m so happy for you!” she exclaimed quite elated.

“Yes, well, Tom you’ll also be relieved to hear that we’re now indebted to our brother and that our London House will be signed over to his name, keeping it in the family.” Sidney added. “That is at least, if you give your consent to the marriage as Arthur’s formal guardian.”

“That is great news indeed, Sidney!” Tom exclaimed. “Oh, what great brothers I have…. and sisters , for that matter” looking at Charlotte and Diana. “But why give away the London House, Sidney, it is not the only property you own now.” Tom asked mysteriously.

“Indeed, Tom, but I think Arthur prefers the house in London and I quite prefer our house here myself.” Sidney replied unsuspecting with a chuckle. “Don’t you too, dear?” he asked Charlotte

“Indeed I prefer this cosy house over a grand one, however beautiful the estate is.” Charlotte replied, smiling mysteriously.

“Well our plot in London can hardly be called an estate.” Sidney replied, laughing. “Talking of estates, Babington, what are your plans for Sanditon Park? You’ve got two large estates now, I presume?”

“Well you presume wrongly, my friend.” Lord Babington responded amused. “No, apparently Lady D. has left her large fortune to the asses and some young lady unrelated to her.”

“Well, Lady Babington, that must have come as quite a shock to you?” Sidney said somewhat astonished.

“Not really, Mr. Parker, I quite agree with her decision, Lord Babington and I really do not need more property and wealth than we have already.” Lady Babington said with her usual mysteriousness

“So do we know who this lady is?” Sidney asked curiously, looking at Tom with a little concern.

“Oh yes, and don’t worry Sidney, I’m convinced we can persuade her not to withdraw the investments in Sanditon.” Tom said reassuringly.

“You think she looks favourable on the project?” Sidney asked a little relieved “You think her sympathetic?”

“Well, she is very, very sympathetic I may say.” Tom said. “It’s her husband that we’re not quite sure of actually.”

“She’s married?! Well we must get him on board as he’s in charge now. What is he like?” Sidney asked before sipping his wine.

“Well, “Lord Babington broke in “We’ve agreed he’s a bit of an ass, quite a rogue, a real idiot from time to time, and I’m not sure if he’s wise with money.”

“Well, that doesn’t sound very recommending.” Sidney said, rolling his eyes and scowl appearing on his face.

“Well, Charlotte disagrees with us.” Babington added “She looks more favourably upon the man.”

“Do you?” Sidney asked, looking at her puzzled. “You’ve met him?”

“Yes, I have had the pleasure of getting to know him recently. And indeed at first I agreed with Lord Babington’s description of him, but he’s improved in my estimation. In fact I have a very high opinion of him.” she said with a big smile.

And Lady Babington, sitting next to him, whispered to Sidney: “Be careful, Charles says the man has quite a reputation when it comes to women, I wouldn’t leave him alone with Charlotte if I were you, she seems quite taken with him.” Sidney gave her a disturbed look.

“So what is it about him that you praise him so highly?” he asked Charlotte carefully, looking a little grim.

“Well, I think he is very sensible, but don’t tell him that on first encounter, he has a bit of a temper ... but if you spend some time alone with him, get to know him, behind the rough exterior is actually a most kind and feeling man.” She highlighted her partiality.

Sidney looked a little insecurely at her.

“and of course he is very handsome.” Charlotte added, blushing.

Sidney whispered to Mary on his other side: “Did she say she spent time alone with him?”

Mary smiled a little nervously and avoided looking back at him.

“But I must admit I’m not really objective in this, since he will be the father of my child.” Charlotte continued quickly in as neutral a voice as possible, while looking away and hiding her face behind her glass.

Sidney looked quite puzzled as if he thought something was wrong with his hearing till the Babingtons, the Stringers, Mary and Tom burst out in laughter. Charlotte looked up at Sidney with a mischievous smile while he looked at her perplexed with astonishment.

“What are trying to tell me, dear?” he said, still somewhat insecure. 

“Well, I just told you we more than enough rooms to accommodate guests, did I not? I just forgot to tell you that some of these rooms are located in two other houses in the neighbourhood.” She explained dryly.

“You mean?” Sidney asked with surprised smile “ _You_ are Lady D.’s mysterious heiress?”

“I’m afraid I am, dear.” She said while keeping a solemn expression on her face before laughing.

Sidney leaned backwards, trying to cope with the information, first befuddled, then with a big smile, then turning to Arthur and Georgiana: “Well Arthur and Georgiana, if you prefer some other house, we’re quite at liberty.”

“I’m afraid, it’s not yours to offer, dear.” Charlotte said “The stipulations state I should be in control… but I’ll _consult_ you about what to do.” She said firmly. “ Of course, legally you are in charge, but since you wouldn’t have me vow complete obedience to you and you have legally sanctioned my shared authority...”

“Of which I have no regret…’Sidney stated firmly “Well, Lady D. sure knew what she was doing entrusting it all to you. Just let me know when I can be of assistance, dear. ” Sidney smiled.

“Well, I think you’ll have delegate some of the work to Sidney, Charlotte, in a few months you’ll have something else on your mind.” Mary commented

“Indeed, you mustn’t get overexcited, dear.” Sidney said with some concern.

“I’m sure all of us will unburden you wherever necessary .” Tom added.

Sidney coughed meaningfully, rolling his eyes a little at Tom’s remark. He then leaned over to Lord Babington and whispered “Am I right to assume you and Lady Babington have something to do with Lady D.’s decision?”

“Well, she only needed a little encouragement, I think she already had the idea in mind.” Lord Babington confirmed.

“Well, I’m greatly indebted to you, friend, I don’t know how to repay you.” Sidney replied humbly.

“Well, that scowl on your face just now was priceless, I consider your debt quite repaid.” Lord Babington grinned. “And we had a little prank with Tom earlier this week… we almost gave him a heart attack when he heard some strange young woman had inherited it all.”

“Yes, that reminds me I must penalise Charlotte for conspiring with you…” Sidney replied, looking at Charlotte with playful reproach.

They continued dinner and arranged the sleeping places. Charlotte and Sidney quite insisted on the guests staying with them and after some discussion it was agreed that they would at least stay two nights and might move on Monday. Sidney had offered his room to Arthur, so all the guests might have their own room, but Arthur declined again with the argument that Sidney need not bother Charlotte at night and had no objection to sharing the room with William, nor did William. So their brothers were given the room with the twin beds, while Georgiana and Diana both got a room of their own.

Arthur and William retired early while Diana claimed the assistance of the new maid to apply all her creams and test the room for drafts. Georgiana spent some time talking with Carice commemorating her father and talking of how she missed Antigua after Sidney had updated Carice on the progress of their search for Jason. Apparently his original ‘owner’, sir Richards, had passed away and Jason had taken leave after slavery was declared illegal on the British isles, some thirteen years earlier to work as kitchen boy in another household. But Sidney had hired a private investigator to explore any leads.

While Georgiana and Carice occupied the drawing room, Sidney and Charlotte sat in front of the house on a bench overlooking the sun setting over their garden on the hill. He told Charlotte meanwhile more details about Otis’ death. Otis’ ship had been patrolling in front of the West African coast. One day they encountered a clipper who refused to let them board the ship for inspection, apparently because they were illegally transporting slaves they had picked up in Africa. There had been a fight and Otis had been quite fanatic, putting himself forward and was shot down by the captain of the commercial vessel.

“They buried him at sea, with military honour. Georgiana is proud of him, as he gave his life for the freedom of others. She likes to believe his body has washed up on the African coast, bringing him back to his homeland. That idea at least gives her some comfort. She and Arthur would like to travel to Bathurst, by the Gambia River to place a stone in his remembrance. And then they want to go to Antigua. I’ve convinced Arthur to come work for me, he needs some more responsibilities, he needs to get away from Diana’s cradle. He’ll represent our business in the Caribbean. I had him keep an eye on things here while we were gone and he’s done well. Your brother seems eager for some adventure too. After a year with your uncle and cousins he’s quite fed up and I think I can use his experience, so he’ll go along with them to Antigua. And Georgiana would like to use her fortune to fight slavery overseas and I would like to support her in that…

“Yes, we must, Sidney.”

“But I would not like to travel so much myself anymore…” he said. “Now that we have a child and another one coming…I do not want to be away from you so much… The past six days I already consider too long…”

She smiled. “You know I would very much like to come with you.” She said softly

“Yes, but I can’t always take you, Sidonia and little Parker with me…”he smiled regretfully, looking at her belly. “We can’t take the children everywhere and we cannot abandon them so much. You would have to choose between accompanying me and staying with the children. And when you are expecting… I cannot allow you to take certain risks.”

She smiled: “You’re right, we have new obligations now.”

“So, I would like to settle down, leave the travelling to others, at least till our children are grown up.” he said.

“Am I never to get rid of you?” she teased him.

“No, but as I said earlier, you’ll never get the exact same Sidney back every time I leave the house.” he teased her back.

“Well, you’re not finding back the same Charlotte every time you come home. A week ago I was the wife of a man with heavy debts. And now I am a wealthy heiress.” She said amused

“Indeed.” he said and then looked mischievously “You see, I don’t have to go to Mrs. Harris to find some new ladies to please me, I have a new one every day at home.”

She widened her eyes and looked at him reproachingly , but failed to suppress a smile and punched him softly.

“That’s not fair, Charlotte. You know I can’t punch you back, with little Parker in there risking a blow.” he said lovingly.

“Well, what’s fair.” She said, pinching her eyes mischievously “ is that in the same vein, I’m receiving a new lover in my house every day.” 

He stared at her with false annoyance: “Well, I’d better go up and inspect your bed then, and show you have no need for them.” he kissed her ardently.

“Shh, we have guests dear.” She whispered

“Well, we’ll just have to keep silent.” He said “Anyway, Arthur and William are playing some game in their room and laughing quite loudly, and our room are at the other end of the corridor, so I don’t think anybody will notice us.”

“Yes, Arthur and William have become good pals.” Charlotte replied “I’m glad, William never had many friends, he was always bullied for his soft nature.”

“Yes, and Arthur was always clinging on to Diana’s skirts, he seems more mature with his new-found friendships with William and Georgiana.” Sidney sighed somewhat relieved.

They said good night to Georgiana and tiptoed upstairs when Sidney got reminded by the housekeeper a bath was waiting for him in his dressing room, and he looked a little hesitantly at Charlotte. When Mrs. Foreman, the housekeeper had gone downstairs again, Charlotte whispered in Sidney’s ear that she would help wash him. “Well, I still have to punish you for the sin of conspiring against your husband and make him look like a fool. You get in that tub and I’m going to wash you clean of your sins! _That_ will be your penalty!”

“How cruel you are!” she exclaimed, kissing him.

The next morning, during Sunday service, reverend Hankins announced the marriage of Mrs. Molyneux and Arthur Parker in church. His sermon focussed on marriage and its obligations and that some were fortunate enough to have more than one good marriage in their life and how one should not feel adulterous in remembering the love for their deceased spouses, while moving one with another and he quite believed all would be reunited after death in heaven.

Sidney whispered to Charlotte that he wondered if this reflected Mr. Hankins’ own marriage to the former Mrs. Griffiths. Mr. Hankins was in such a good mood that Sidney wondered whether the new Mrs. Hankins had been extra kind to her husband that night.

“Ssh.” Charlotte reproached him “If there is something I would not like to imagine…” she said, looking aghast.

“I apologise, I’ll not poison your innocent mind, dear.” he said, chuckling.

“I think that resolution comes a bit late…”Charlotte replied. “We’d better pray for your soul, or I’ll have to miss you in heaven.”

He grinned. “I don’t believe God is so punitive.”

“Well, in case He _is_ …” Charlotte replied. “…we can better be safe than sorry, so pray!”


	25. Properties

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlotte and Sidney discuss what to do with their new properties. Sidney spoils Sidonia. They run into Sir Edward Denham and his new wife, Eliza. There is some more talk of flowers...

# 25\. Properties

That Monday Sidney helped Charlotte inspect their new assets. They went through the books and organised for the stipends to be transferred to the intended persons.

They wandered through Sanditon House. “You’re sure you don’t want to move in?” Sidney asked her.

“I don’t feel I could ever call this ‘home’. ”Charlotte replied.

“But what else will you do with it? It is a nice place if we want to entertain a large number of guests, we could even invite all of your family.” he remarked playfully

“Yes, maybe we’ll just use it for that.”

“and keep it unoccupied for the rest?” Sidney asked in wonder.

“Well maybe we can rent it out, or turn it into a luxury hotel or something.” Charlotte said.

“Well, it would be rather high end, and we need some wealthy guests or tenants.” He mumbled

“Yes, but it would diversify the kind of accommodation Sanditon has to offer.” she said.

“Yes, well, we better invite your friend Lady Worcester to stay for a while and maybe she can invite her special friend.” He suggested.

“Yes, I would like to invite her and offer her to stay in the house for a while to thank her, but I don’t want to abuse our friendship just to attract visitors.” Charlotte said “She’s done so much for us.”

“Yes, she would like a place to escape a while I think, now that her friend’s divorce case is being discussed in parliament.” Sidney sighed.

“Yes, poor Susan, although I gather Queen Caroline is suffering most. I wish for my friend she can be together with her great love, but also wish our King’s divorce wouldn’t take the public humiliation of another woman to achieve it.”

“Yes, it’s a nasty business, people in London talk of nothing else. But let’s keep out of it and focus on our own challenges here. The hunting party Tom’s so anxious about is coming up.” Sidney commented.

“Yes, But it might be even more of a success if people could stay in the house overnight, and offer them a banquet, we might have a music night”

“Well, if you want to organise something this season, we need to move on quickly.” Sidney remarked. “But your ideas are great, as they always are…And what about Denham Place, what would you want to do with it?”

“I’m not sure, it needs a lot of repairs before we can do anything with it. I pity Esther for having had to live in it. I wonder at her good constitution and not getting ill all the time. Well, I’ve already asked James to have his men fix the roof and some of the windows, before that gets any worse…But I wonder how come Denham Place was not entailed to the Denham heir? You would think the late sir Denham would have left it to his nephew.” Charlotte wondered

‘Well, I believe the Denhams gave up the place to Mr. Hollis, Lady D.’s first husband, as part of debt repayment. Sir Denham go it back by remarrying Mr. Hollis’ widow, but he never made any arrangements for a future Denham heir to retrieve the place, I guess he assumed he and Lady D. would produce their own heir and then it would not be necessary. He had his nephew Edward live there shortly before he died, but he passed away too quickly to make a proper will.”

“I feel sorry for Sir Edward, losing his house like that…I was thinking of just giving it back to him, but Lady D. ‘s will forbids him getting hold of any share of the inheritance, the same counts for Clara.”

“Well, I don’t think we have to feel sorry for them, Sir Edward has Eliza’s half a million pounds now and Clara has found Crowe, who, if he doesn’t gamble everything away, can provide her quite a comfortable life too.” Sidney remarked.

“You’re right, though I do feel sorry for Clara for being so abused in her life and if Crowe passes away, she and little Charlotte will be left with little. And I’m personally quite indebted to Sir Edward, despite his nasty behaviour towards me and the way he treated Clara.”

“How so?” Sidney asked curiously

“Well, he liberated you from your engagement to Eliza, did he not?” Charlotte smiled.

“Yes, he did, but I hardly think he did it to please _us_.” Sidney argued.

A few days later the topic of that conversation arrived in Sanditon with his new wife, Lady Eliza Denham, having just returned from a trip to Venice.

Sidney and Charlotte were walking through town together with Sidonia to take the little girl to the shoemaker and after ordering half a dozen shoes for his little girl, Sidney bought her quite an expensive silver comb and necklace. “You’re indulging her too much.” Charlotte reproached him as Sidney bought about everything Sidonia asked for.

“Well, I got more than four years of indulging to catch up for, dear, just let me…” he smiled. 

Charlotte sighed: “Well, do it in small doses. If she gets used to hearing ‘yes’, it may become more difficult when we have to say ‘no’ some time. ” He glanced back at her a little rebellious.

They walked out of the shop with Sidonia, when they stumbled upon Sir Edward and Lady Eliza Denham. “Well, well, who do we have here?” Lady Eliza Denham remarked “If it isn’t the rogue sailor with the farmer’s daughter and what is that? You have a new ward, Sidney…Although, with those eyes, I could almost swear she was your daughter.”

Sidney, recovering after the first shock, smirked and replied: “Well, you’ve observed quite correctly, Lady Denham, this is indeed my daughter. May I present to you Miss Sidonia Parker?”

“Well, I am I glad I escaped that!” Lady Eliza Denham exclaimed astonished “I feel sorry for you Mrs. Parker. You must feel quite betrayed. Marrying this unreliable man and then finding out he already has little bastard daughter.”

“Quite the contrary, Lady Denham.” Charlotte replied “When Sidney found out and told me while we were still engaged, I insisted we move the wedding forward and go fetch her in Antigua together. We are quite delighted with her… and I am very proud of Sidney taking responsibility for her, unlike some other gentleman.” she smirked and looked meaningfully at Sir Edward.

“And Sidonia for the law is not a bastard.” Sidney added with some irritation. “She’s my legal step-daughter.”

“Well, if you say so… and I hear you’re to move out of that hideous cottage to Sanditon House, that must be quite a relief.” Lady Eliza Denham continued.

Sidney hissed: “Well, if that’s how you describe my ancestral home, it is a good thing we never got married.”

“Well, I’m quite curious how you lured my aunt into bequeathing it all to you, Mrs. Parker.” Sir Edward sneered “Or did you write the will yourself when you were doing my aunt’s administration, steeling mine and Esther’s rightful inheritance. How betrayed my sister must feel, she considered you her friend.”

At that moment Lord and Lady Babington we’re just passing by and overheard the last sentence.

“Well, if it isn’t my step-brother!” Lady Babington exclaimed, forcing a smile.

“Well good day, Esther, I think now you must feel how it is to be double-crossed by someone you trust. I hope you’re no longer angry with me, now Mrs. Parker here has robbed us both of our inheritance.” Sir Edward said bitterly.

“Well, indeed brother, I know how that feels, I felt it last year when you conspired with Clara Brereton behind my back.” Lady Babington gave him a sharp look, then she turned and with a smile she gave Charlotte a hug.

“Are you not angry with her, Esther? She’s manipulated our aunt into giving her entire fortune.” Sir Edward exclaimed in astonishment.

“No, brother, if there was any manipulation, it was by me. I convinced our aunt to make Charlotte her heir.” Lady Babington replied, looking quite smug.

Sir Edward looked perplexed. “Whatever for?” he asked.

“Well, Lord Babington and I have enough and inheriting the money that has corrupted us both seemed wrong…and to be honest, our aunt needed only a little encouragement. She felt Charlotte understood her wishes for Sanditon best and quite admired Charlotte for being so bold as to marry Sidney even though he and his family were heavily indebted and Sidney for choosing a wife he loved rather than one that would save his family financially.” Charlotte and Sidney looked at each other with meaningful, loving glance.

“Good day, brother, Lady Denham.” Lady Babington said as she and Lord Babington walked on.

Sir Edward looked baffled. “So you’re going to build her donkey stud, are you? Yes I can imagine that being just the thing for you, Parker. You must feel quite at home between the asses. Well, I suppose you won’t consider returning me _my_ ancestral home?” he asked bitterly.

Sidney sighed, irritated. Charlotte softened her tone: “I had been thinking of that, Sir Edward. If only out of gratitude for saving Sidney from an inappropriate marriage that would have made him very unhappy.”

Lady Eliza Denham gave her a cold, haughty look, but Sir Edward’s face lightened up. “You were? Well I’ll take back what I just said, I fear I’ve been a little overwhelmed and grieved by my aunt’s death, forgive me my lack of civility.”

“Well, unfortunately, your aunt foresaw my intentions and has forbidden my giving any part of the inheritance to you, or Clara Brereton, now Mrs. Crowe, for that matter.” Charlotte continued.

Sir Edward’s face turned grave, then he found his artificial smile back and asked: “What if I bought it back from you? Then it would return in my family and the will would be respected.”

“I’m afraid that, too, is forbidden. But it _will_ return to your family.” Charlotte replied.

“It will?’ Sir Edward asked bemused. And also Sidney looked surprised.

“Yes, I intend to leave it to your daughter as a matter of fact.” She looked at sir Edward sharply. Sir Edward looked at her in shock. Sidney grinned, giving Charlotte a proud look. “Our daughter?” Lady Eliza said with some astonishment: “But you must know we don’t have a daughter and I’m not sure we will have one. What if we have a son?”

Charlotte faked a smile and replied: “Indeed you don’t have a daughter, Lady Denham, but just in case there is one…”she answered. “and boys already have so many advantages in inheriting, while many girls are left without anything. Do you not agree, Lady Denham?” Sir Edward looked quite anxious at her. In her mind Charlotte wanted to add: “Maybe Sir Edward has some secrets he should have told _you_ before he married you.” But she didn’t feel like meddling in their marriage and for little Charlotte Crowe’s sake, she did not want to betray the girl’s true lineage.

Lady Eliza Denham’s face dropped as she looked at her husband rather puzzled while he looked quite betrayed. “Don’t worry about it, Eliza.” Sidney commented, adding with a smile: “Well, I must say you indeed make a pretty couple, I have no doubt you’re very happy together.”

“Well, Mrs. Parker here must be quite content with her cabinet or curiosities as well.” Lady Eliza Denham sneered.

“Why the hostility, Eliza, I think we’ve all got what we want now.” Sidney whispered to her, irritated. “I’m sorry.” she whispered back: “I must have picked that up in my ten years of marriage with Mr. Campion.” Her face turned remorseful. “Indeed I hope you are very happy together as well.” Lady Eliza Denham said more sincere now to both Charlotte and Sidney. “And Sidney, you must be very pleased to become a father so quickly. I know that is what you wished for. I apologise if you thought I wished you any harm.” She sounded a little melancholic.

Mary walked by with her children and offered Sidonia to come with them to the beach. Charlotte and Sidney let Sidonia go along and headed back to their house alone. “Well, I see you made up your mind about what to do with Denham Place.” Sidney said with a smile. “But how do you want to do that if the will states her mother may not profit?”

“Well I was thinking we give it to Charlotte when she comes of age or gets married. Then nothing will go to Clara, as the will demands and as she is our Goddaughter and related to the late Lady Denham through her mother, people need not suspect it having anything to do with her father.. And it provides little Charlotte with some security, as the Crowe’s fortune is entailed along the male line.”

“Yes, indeed, it improves her prospects a great deal.” Sidney replied approvingly. “I’ll have the papers drawn up as soon as possible, but I suspect you do not want to keep it empty for the next fifteen or twenty years?”

“In the meanwhile I think I would like to use it as a school.” Charlotte mumbled.

“A school?” Sidney asked surprised.

“Yes, a girls’ school. Where we’ll educate girls with an independent mind and of little fortune so they can pursue their own interests and not be so dependent on finding a rich husband.”

Sidney put his arm around her. “Maybe we should warn polite society for your bad influence.” He grinned: “But I’m all for it. If those girls do get married a lot those men will be quite indebted to you for raising such excellent wives.” He kissed her quite ardently. 

“Sidney, you make me blush.”

“Well, were alone dear, I think your pupils will blush unless you change the wall decorations in the parlour.“ he grinned.

“Well, dear, I thought they might be useful for the anatomy lessons.” Charlotte replied with a little amused sarcasm. Sidney laughed out loud. “Yes anatomy lessons, reminds me of something…”he mumbled. “I think I have to prepare Arthur a bit, I doubt he knows what to do on his wedding night…”

Charlotte supressed a laugh: “You think your brother more well-behaved than yourself? Are you going to corrupt his innocence?”

“Well, I don’t want him to look a fool, given his future wife has more experience…” Sidney grinned.

“Don’t let your imagination go there, Sidney!” she warned him. “Well, indeed Arthur is a bit of a Lily, waiting to be plucked, as reverend Hankins would put it.” She continued. Sidney looked a little bemused at her. She explained her conversation with Arthur the year before after church service and his preference for ‘being a lily in the field’ rather than ‘toiling in the field’, as she had preferred. She tried to bow to pick a cornflower from the field.

Sidney coughed: “Well, I’m now imagining Georgiana cutting his stem…”.

Charlotte chuckled: “Poor Arthur…” she chuckled. She gave Sidney a licentious look as she put her arm around his waist and started to nibble on his earlobe.

He sighed. “I’m afraid that if you talk of men as flowers and then start plucking real ones…it kind of prevents certain stems from standing upright, dear….” He said apologetically.

She smiled a little disappointed. “Well, we’ll see if it regains its strength once we’ve nourished it.”

They walked on home, discussed the preparations for Georgiana’s and Arthur’s wedding with the couple, offering Sanditon House and its grounds for the wedding celebration.

A few hours later, a note arrived from Sir Edward for Charlotte. He apologised for his behaviour earlier and thanked her for her decision to leave Denham Place to the daughter he could not, for her own sake, acknowledge. He regretted he had no part to play in the girl’s life, forced to be content with an occasional glance at her in Hyde Park when her mother or nurse was walking there with the pram, but that she was better off with Mr. Crowe as her father. Sidney, quite curious who had written his wife and seeing her smile at the note’s content, asked her after the note.

She hesitated whether she should share it with him. He looked at her quite strictly;

“Are you keeping something from me?” he asked, a little insecure.

“It’s nothing.” she said.

He raised his eyebrows. “Somebody’s sending you a note about nothing?” he asked.

“It’s really not my secret to share.” she replied. He sighed a little annoyed: “But I think you’re already implicated, so if I can count on your discretion?” she added.

She showed the note to Sidney. He nodded approvingly. “It’s sad that that is probably all Sir Edward will experience of fatherhood, unless he fathers one with Eliza, but I fear that chance is slim.” He said pitiful. “I just hope he has no more feelings for the mother. I fear Crowe won’t let him near either mother and daughter.”

“Will you not tell Mr. Crowe Clara sometimes sees Sir Edward in the park?” Charlotte asked a little worried.

“Well, I feel I should inform him of sir Edward’s interest in his wife and daughter.”

“Sidney, let’s not make more of this note than it is.” she pleaded. “There is no mention of their meeting intentionally or even being close enough for conversation. I do not needlessly want to stir any suspicion and place Clara and little Charlotte in a difficult position.”

“Perhaps you’re right dear.” Sidney argued “I’m sure Crowe doesn’t let his wife walk around unaccompanied, so there can be no reason to suspect anything going on. Let’s keep it to ourselves for now. But I thought you were all about honesty?”

“I like honesty, not gossip.” she said


	26. The doctor's advice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dr. Fuchs comes to check up on Charlotte, and has some surprising information. Dr. Fuchs believes he knows a cure for Diana's hypochondria. Sidney tells Charlotte more of his childhood and his long engagement to Eliza. Charlotte has a good laugh and Sidney takes the doctor's advice very serious.

# 26\. The doctor's advice

Later that afternoon, Dr.Fuchs came by to check on Charlotte. He looked quite pensive at Charlotte’s belly and listened very carefully and concentrated for so long that Sidney started to get worried.

“Is everything all right, Dr. Fuchs?” he asked carefully.

Charlotte reassured him: “I can feel it kicking me quite often, Sidney. Little Parker is quite an active child.”

“Indeed Fräulein.” Dr. Fuchs replied “But I think I should prepare you that there might be more than one.”

“Twins?” Sidney exclaimed, first astonished, then quite overjoyed.

“Yes, I cannot be sure…it makes it a bit more complicated, but it is not uncommon.” Dr. Fuchs reassured him.

Charlotte smiled humbly.

“Is there anything we must do… or not do..” Sidney asked carefully.

“No not really, Frau Parker might experience some more fatigue and her belly may grow some more. She might experience more pressure on her organs. But she has generally a healthy constitution. Try not to worry too much, healthy twins are born all the time.”

“Should she rest more?” Sidney asked.

“No, in my opinion, Mr. Parker, one can exercise too much, but also too little. It is no different when a woman is with child. She might be more quickly fatigued, but a healthy dose of exercise will pump around her blood in a good way. ”

“And what is a healthy dose if I may ask?” Sidney asked, a little insecurely.

“All the exercise she can do without getting out of breath too much, a walk on the beach or to town is very healthy in my opinion.”

“You see, Sidney, I can continue doing what I have been doing.” Charlotte commented.

“Please tell her, doctor, that she cannot continue with _everything_. She plans to ride with the hunt, pick apples, carries Sidonia around and so much more.” Sidney sighed

“Oh no, Frau Parker, such things I should caution against. You must not climb anything, a fall would be disastrous and you must not lift any heavy things.” Dr. Fuchs said most earnest.

“Thank you doctor. I hope she at least listens to you, for she refuses to listen to me and I worry things may go wrong.” Sidney said resignedly, rolling his eyes.

“Stop fussing, Sidney.” Charlotte said in a strict voice.

“Indeed, Frau Parker is right. One must not worry, it will only have an adverse effect on the mother’s health and therefore the child.” Sidney looked a little troubled and the contradictory nature of the advice. “Just keep Frau Parker relaxed and satisfied… and I do think Frau Parker would benefit from some creams if her skin would stretch too much and one my therapeutic shower baths.” Dr Fuchs continued “It does relax the body.”

Sidney looked a little sceptically, but Charlotte was quite enthusiastic. “Oh yes, Sidney, I have tried one of those shower baths while you were in London, it was quite pleasant.”

“You risked a shower bath after what happened to Miss Brereton?” Sidney asked disapprovingly.

“I assure you that Miss Brereton’s accident was quite impossible.” Dr. Fuchs defended his invention.

“Oh Sidney, she burnt herself on purpose, she told me so herself. Lady D. was about to send her away and she was quite desperate to stay.” Charlotte added.

“Danke schön, Frau Parker, for alleviating that misunderstanding.” Dr. Fuchs replied gratefully.

“I would like to install one in our house actually.” Charlotte said. “I think we can build a room for it next to the laundry room.”

Sidney stared at her in disbelief for a moment and sighed: “Well all right then, I’m not going to quarrel with you now, for fear I might upset you and threaten the health of our children.”

“ Mr. Parker, you do not have to be so overconcerned.” Dr. Fuchs said amused. “Well, if you have no more questions, I will go to Trafalgar House now to see your sister again for her treatment.”

“Have you found a cure for hypochondria then?” Sidney asked sarcastically.

“Well, Mr. Parker, I think I indeed may have found a treatment for her anxieties.” Dr.Fuchs replied dryly.

“Have you? Well, your colleagues in Harley Street must be very cross with you, leaving them out of business.” Sidney ridiculed him.

“Well, I do not fear we doctors will get jobless. But I must say I’m impressed with your brother’s progress. His betrothal to Mrs. Molyneux has done him well.” Dr. Fuchs remarked.

“Are you suggesting we should find a husband for Diana?” Sidney asked, raising his eyebrows.

“Well, I do think you sister could use a companion, one that is not her brother or her child. In fact, I think your sister’s overanxiety may stem from mothering over your brother at so young an age. I understand your brother was only two years old and your sister fifteen when your mother died?” Sidney nodded. “and you yourself were how old, if may ask?”

“Nine.”

“Yes, I think she tried to mother over you as well.” Dr. Fuchs mumbled. Sidney’s face turned soft and sad. “Well, at that age you will hardly listen to an elder sister.” Dr.Fuchs said.

Sidney showed a faint smile: “Indeed I rebelled against it. Besides, I was in school most of the time, so was Tom.”

“And how was your father after your mother’s death?” Dr. Fuchs asked carefully.

“Well, father was not quite himself after mother died…” Sidney sounded emotional. Charlotte looked at him and offered her hand. He sat down on the bed.

“Yes, I think much was left to your sister at a young age and she must have felt obligated to take your mother’s place in looking after your household and not get married and now she has to part from the only child she brought up without the comfort of a partner to continue her life with.” Dr. Fuchs set out his analysis.

“I’ve never looked at it that way…” Sidney said. “I must say I’ve always said she was still changing Arthur’s diapers and that he needed to mature.”

“Yes, I heard you mean to give him some responsibility. I think that will be good for him indeed. With an occupation one has no time to think about ailments.” Dr. Fuchs said approvingly.

“Well, now we just need to cure Diana as well.” Sidney sighed. “If a husband might be her cure, it is not one easily to get by.”

“Well, I mean to provide her some other treatments first.” Dr. Fuchs reassured him with a little mystery in his voice. “I make sure she gets regular exercise and has some occupation. I’ve convinced her that singing is good for the lungs and I must say she has a good voice for it. And Mrs. Stringer is so kind as to accompany her on the piano. My hope is it will drain some of her melancholy away. ”

“Well, maybe we can convince her to sing on the music night we’re organising.” Sidney said with a smile. 

Dr. Fuchs said goodbye. Sidney returned to Charlotte, who was still sitting on her bed and sat beside her. “Well.” he said with a sigh “Twins… we’d better get an extra nurse, we can afford it now.”

Charlotte nodded and looked at him. “I just realised how young you were when your mother died.” He smiled faintly. “When you met Eliza, you had no mother who could advise you, maybe you would have been more guarded, not so hurt if your mother had been around.” she said softly

“Maybe…I realise Eliza looked a lot like my mother, maybe I just assumed she would have her character as well…” he mumbled. “Though Mary has pretty much been like a mother to me since she married Tom… I fell in love with Eliza when we were fourteen, she was one of the few gentle women in town and by far the most beautiful one. We waited for years for my father to consent -he wished me to finish school first- so we could marry. And her parents thought us too young as well. Then my father became sick, his business became insecure. And a few weeks before our intended wedding date I found my father, who had stubbornly gone for a ride, fallen off his horse and fatally injured. It appeared my father had left almost everything to Tom, and five thousand pounds for each of us younger siblings. Tom became my guardian and head of my father’s dwindling business and just days before our wedding Eliza told me she was marrying Mr. Campion instead. Or rather: she sent we short note to convey the message. So I took off to London to drown myself in wine, gambling, fighting and every other sin that would help me forget. I lost more than the five thousand pounds I had just inherited…well you know how that ended.”

Charlotte pulled him closer, kissed his forehead and stroked his hair. “Maybe you should sing together with Diana, sing away your grief.” she said

“I prefer to sing with you.” he said with a smile “A nice duet. It might do you good as well.”

She smiled: “Well as long as you realise I don’t have Allison’s talent for music, I can play and sing only tolerably well and these little Parkers here are not giving me much space for an extra deep breath. I doubt my fingers can reach the piano keys for much longer, as I have to sit further away from the instrument. ” she sighed.

“I think you underestimate yourself, dear, but be reassured your other accomplishments are quite satisfactory to me.” He consoled her, kissing her on the forehead first and slowly tracing his lips down to her lips.

Later that afternoon, Charlotte found Sidney in the library, standing on a ladder, turning over all the books on the upper shelves as if he was looking for something.

“What are you looking for, dear.” Charlotte asked

He looked a bit caught. “Oh nothing dear, just some books that my father used to have.”

“What kind of books?” Charlotte asked.

“Oh… an Indian Book and a book by Aristotle” he said, avoiding looking her in the eye.

“An Indian Book and one by Aristotle?” Charlotte asked surprised, hiding an amused smile.

“Yes, about…. marriage, I thought it might be useful for Arthur.”

“I knew you read the works of philosophers, but I did not know you could read Hindustani….and I’m not sure an Indian book about marriage will be useful for Arthur, after all Georgiana is from the West-Indies, not India.”

“Your knowledge of geography is outstanding, dear. And it is not so much a text book, it’s more of a …picture book”

“A _picture book_ about marriage.” she raised her eyebrows in amusement.

“Yes, I read it a long time ago, when I was first engaged to…. Well it’s not here anymore.” He said, looking a bit disappointed.

“What does it look like?” She asked, trying to sound serious.

“Well, it’s just a rather large book with a brown leather cover, no title, just some Sanskrit writing on it.” He stepped down the ladder.

“Maybe Tom and Mary have it.” she tried to say as neutral as possible. “ After all, they used to live in this house…shall I ask Mary? Maybe it’s in the school room. I may have seen it there. At least the philosophy book should be there. ”

He tried to hide a look of panic, she saw him stare at her with some curiosity as she turned away for a moment to hide her smile. “No, I think I’ll go ask Tom myself.” he said, forcing a smile and avoiding to look her in the eye.

“ Shall I come with you?” she asked “I’m quite curious about these books.”

“Well, it’s not that interesting….you go rest, I’ll be right back.” He said, hurrying to get his hat and coat and giving her hasty peck on the cheek while he left the house. When he closed the door Charlotte burst out in laughter, startling Georgiana in the next room and some of the servants. When he returned he walked straight up to his bedroom. When he came down again, Charlotte asked him with a smile whether he got the book and if it was not a good idea to show it to Georgiana, as a preparation for her wedding.

“Well I’m sure Georgiana has learnt enough about marriage already and this book is more… focussed on the _husband’_ s role.” Sidney stammered.

“On the husband’s role?” Charlotte raised her eyebrows.

“Yes… I’m sure you as a woman had some preparation …” he said “Anyway, I do not have it with me now. I’ve given it to Arthur.”

Charlotte turned around, smiling.

When he came to her bed that evening and she made room for him to lie down and preparing to climb on top of him, he stopped her and looked her in the eye. “I know you’re doing your best to please me….but I hope it’s pleasurable for you too.” He asked her with some earnest. She smiled, but gave no answer. “ I.. want to try something different, I hope you will enjoy… you just tell me to stop or continue, I’ll be wholly at your service…” he continued. He rolled her back, pulled her legs softly to the edge of the bed and put a pillow in her back. He slipped out of bed, kneeled down beside it and put his lips to her toes and moving his lips upward her legs.

Charlotte felt a bit embarrassed “Sidney?!”she exclaimed “What are you doing?” she chuckled.

“Ssh, You want to perform _your_ conjugal duty, well, I want to do _mine_ and the doctor has ordered to keep you satisfied, so let me.” he said with a naughty smile, then continuing what he was doing.

“I’m not sure the Church approves of what you are doing…” she said, suppressing a giggle.

“Oh, they should!” Sidney said “Shall I discuss it with Mr. Hankins first? Maybe he can write a sermon about it for next Sunday.” He said with a dry smile.

“Oh, God, No!” she exclaimed

“Is that an instruction stop or to go on? You’re confusing me now.” He said playfully.

“Stop talking about Mr. Hankins, I don’t want to think of _him_ right now.” she laughed. “Well I won’t stop you from performing your duties.”

He playfully continued with his trail of kisses up her leg and made sure he satisfied her.


	27. Georgiana's marriage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Georgiana and Charlotte throw flowers in the sea from the cliffs to commemorate Otis. Georgiana confides in Charlotte her regret in marrying Otis and why she is now marrying Arthur.

# 27\. Georgiana’s wedding

The Sunday before Georgiana’s and Arthur’s wedding, Georgiana and Charlotte walked on the cliffs. They looked over the sea. Georgiana sighed: “Somewhere out there Otis’s body was buried in the sea.”

“It must be difficult for you not to have a grave to go to.” Charlotte said.

“Yes, well, I like to pick some flowers and then throw them in the sea, the waves will take them to him.” Georgiana said resignedly.

“How much you must miss him.” Charlotte said. “ I could not imagine Sidney being gone forever, he’s so much part of me, even after so short a marriage, it would be like losing a limb.”

Georgiana smiled: “I’m glad you feel that way. To be honest, I feel I lost Otis already before our wedding.”

“How so?” Charlotte asked her with surprise.

“You must be surprised after I went through so much trouble to get Sidney’s permission to marry Otis” Georgiana said melancholically. “The truth is that when Otis had changed his habits and was no longer gambling, everything I loved about him was gone as well… he had become so serious. He had become quite a pious evangelical. And everything we had enjoyed before, he now considered sinful: drinking, dancing, just a simple game of cards, laughing…his problem was he knew no moderation…when he drank, he drank excessively, the same with gambling, and when he became religious, and abstaining from pleasure… he had to be pious… frankly it was a relief when he left for sea again. Don’t get me wrong, I mourn for him, but I’m glad I have a new chance at happiness. ”

“Are you convinced Arthur _will_ make you happy?” Charlotte asked carefully.

“Well, he makes me happy already.” Georgiana said with a smile “I will not presume that I have a great passion for him, nor do I think he has that for me, but we understand each other and we’ve made each other better people….I have lived with him and Diana for three months now, I think I know what to expect. He’s my best friend. He takes effort to make me laugh. He understands my feelings, respects my opinion. My expectations of marriage have changed. I’m not looking for passion, but companionship. I feel free when I’m with Arthur. He’s not jealous, not possessive. He does not try to patronise and belittle me as most people do and I believe I make him feel more mature. In contrast to Otis, Arthur has learnt to moderate his behaviour, it’s no longer full of extremes. He’s not imagining himself ill so much anymore, he has less anxieties.”

Charlotte smiled amused “Yes, who’d have thought Arthur would ever board a ship to the West-Indies? You know Dr. Fuchs is now trying to get Diana a husband as cure against _her_ hypochondria?”

Georgiana supressed a laugh: “Yes, she’s in all states, I fear she won’t survive our wedding tomorrow.”

“Well, I believe Dr. Fuchs is accompanying her to the wedding, so we’re prepared.” Charlotte observed with some amusement. “ But I am sorry you’re not staying in Sanditon, not just for myself, but also for Sidonia….”

“You mean she’ll be standing out more?” Georgiana asked.

“Yes, I feel she may look up to you more than she does to us.” Charlotte sighed. “Relate to you.”

Georgiana forced a smile: “Yes, life will be tough on her, because of her colour, she’ll need every love from you. And maybe Arthur and I will come back…. But I have a mission in Antigua and Arthur needs to get a life of his own, if he stays here….it’s not only Diana, but also Tom and Sidney, he’ll just remain their ‘little brother’.”

“Yes, You’re probably right. I think Sidney, too, realises Arthur must be given more responsibility. And we’re very grateful Arthur and William will represent our business overseas. It means we can concentrate on our life here and the lives that are to come…” Charlotte looked at her belly sticking out, massaging it softly.

“I would have liked to stay till your babies are here.” Georgiana said. “But we’ll have to see them another time.”

“Yes, well, you have _my_ little brother to look after, make sure he doesn’t make a mess in Antigua.” Charlotte said teasingly.

“I will look after William.” Georgiana reassured her friend and future sister-in-law. “He’s become very dear to me too. He and Arthur are inseparable and they both give me laughs. So I’ll be happy to have him living with us.”

“Well, Let me just enlighten you on how it’s like to share a house with him: He’ll tease you continuously, but he is quite supportive in helping you with sewing or any needle work. And he occupies the bath tub far too long.” Charlotte smiled.

Georgiana smiled: “Excellent.”

They picked some flowers, threw them from the cliff in the water and Georgiana whispered in the wind: “Rest in peace, dear Otis, from tomorrow I’ll belong with someone else.” They walked back in silence for a while, when Georgiana asked Charlotte not to tell Sidney about her disappointment in her marriage with Otis. “He can be so smug, I don’t want him to know he was right after all.”

Charlotte smiled: “Sidney has only meant to care for your happiness, apart from carrying out your father’s wishes…, however unpolished he has carried out his guardianship… But if you don’t want him to know, I won’t tell him. He knows you’re at peace with Otis’ death and looking forward to moving on with Arthur. He does not need to know more. He does not need to regret he gave his permission for your marriage to Otis. It’ll just frustrate him and I’ll have to deal with his fussing about it.” She rolled her eyes and they laughed.

“I’m glad you seem to have no regrets marrying Sidney.” Georgiana said “I must say, I never realised Sidney could be such a warm and gentle man as he is with you. I have always known him as quite unreliable and cold. I hope you don’t blame me for saying so. ”

“I don’t blame you. I took me time to see that side of him myself…he hid his better self from the world a long time ago. After committing himself to Eliza at a very young age and being jilted just days before their wedding… he turned quite bitter and afraid to give anything of himself.” Charlotte said softly.

“Thank God you cured him!” Georgiana replied laughingly “For your sake, mine, and the rest of the world’s. And I’m glad to see how fond he is of Sidonia. Her mother was my friend you know, And I’ve blamed him for what happened to her.”

“He did care for her, you know.” Charlotte said softly. “He would have liberated her if he could and I’m sure he would have done the honourable thing if he had known she was with child. He was quite adamant about Sidonia getting his name.”

“Maybe.” Georgiana smiled pensively “I do feel sorry for Mr. Smith, that his name was taken away, after all he was the one who looked after Sally and her child and wed her.”

“Yes, well, that marriage stands and apparently after his death she married Sidney last year when he was in Antigua to take you to England.”

Georgiana looked at her in disbelief. “Really? I can’t recall that. And a little strange since he didn’t seem to know she was alive till last February.”

“Yes, apparently he suffered some amnesia, because he did not remember himself, but the Governor’s office managed to trace it in their registers.” Charlotte said with a smile.

Georgiana chuckled.

The next day Georgiana and Arthur were wed by reverend Hankins, who could not help making some remarks on Georgiana’s rebellious character and that he hoped their marriage would bring a balance between Georgiana’s spiritedness and Arthur’s resilience. There was more talk about flowers and that even a flower plucked by someone else could still be beautiful and give satisfaction, looking not just at Georgiana, but also his own wife, causing all the attendants to supress their laughter. Georgiana rolled her eyes, but Arthur could only nod and smile. Then they moved on to have breakfast at Sanditon House and Arthur and Georgiana took off for London, where they would spend a few weeks in Bedford Place before setting sail to Antigua together with William. They had decided the Bedford Place would remain Sidney’s and Charlotte’s - after all, Georgiana and Arthur would hardly be in London the next few years. They would buy a house on Antigua instead.


	28. Aphrodite and Poseidon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Georgiana and Arthur's wedding, Charlotte expresses a wish to go sea bathing to cool down from the hot day. Sidney decides to act out a little fantasy of his.

# 28\. Aphrodite and Poseidon

The day of the Georgiana’s and Arthur’s wedding was rather warm, and Charlotte expressed a wish to bath in the sea once the couple and all the guests had left. Sidney put his arm around her. “Yes I think I’ll go for a swim in the cove as well.”

She looked at him, smiling a little mischievously. “Well perhaps I should go there and enjoy the view, I think I underappreciated it last time.” she said.

He smiled a little embarrassed and then returned her mischief : “Indeed you were not very complimenting. But then, it was cold and certain body parts tend to shrivel up under those conditions…You might appreciate it better on a hot day like today. I must say I envy you, we men don’t get such spectacular views of you women.”

She blushed. “Well, I envy you men for not having bath in such a heavy, wet suit. I wish I could swim freely, like you, without being dragged down by a lot of wet cloth.” She sighed.

He said little, but gave her mysterious smile. That evening, after dinner, he asked her to walk with him to the beach to watch the sunset. He carried a blanket with him. Charlotte noticed he didn’t take their usual route to town and the beach there, but walked in the direction of the cove. When they arrived there, she wanted to sit down, but Sidney pulled her close to him.

“Well, Mrs. Parker, tonight I would like to satisfy both our wishes. You wished to swim like we men do. And I would like to see my Aphrodite walk out of the sea.”

Charlotte’s face flushed: “Sidney, what are thinking? What if someone sees me, like I did you?”

“Well, so far I’ve only seen Arthur and William down here together and they’re both out of town. There are few people who go walk along the cliffs this time of day and I have brought a very big blanket to cover you till you are submerged in water.”

She smiled, a little nervous. She hesitated. “Come on.” he urged her. He held the blanket around her like a screen and let her undress. She wrapped the blanket around herself, while he removed his own clothes. She realised she hadn’t actually seen him fully naked since that time she had seen him come out of the water in that same place more than a year earlier. She studied him while he removed his clothes. He saw her gaze covetously at him and blushed a little.

“Well Poseidon, let’s hope my husband Hephaestus doesn’t catch us together.” she said mischievously.

“Devilish woman.” he whispered.

“Dito man.” she answered him.

He walked with her into the water as she tried to hold up the blanket and he helped her remove it once she had submerged in the water up to her neck. He walked back to lay the blanket in a dry spot with their clothes and then joined her again. He swam a little, and showed Charlotte how to move her arms and legs. She swam around a little. She hadn’t felt that free for a long time.

“This feels so much better, without all that fabric sticking to my arms and legs. And it relieves my back, I feel the water carrying this heavy load now.” she sighed as she stroked her belly. He smiled, pulling her close, studying the body hidden under the water. The water was quite calm and there were hardly any waves. He put his arms around her, kissed her. “I agree this feels much better.” he replied looking at her with much desire. Charlotte felt a fluttering her abdomen that she was sure not to come from the children she was carrying. She felt a strange nervous excitement that she hadn’t felt since their wedding night, exposed as she was. She put her arms around his neck, wrapped her legs around his waist, as he kissed her neck tantalisingly and she allowed him to seek out the cavity between her thighs.

When they were done with their rhythmic movements, they rested a little, sitting in the water, she between his legs, watching the sunset on their right, smiling contently at each other. When the sun had disappeared, he stood up to fetch her the blanket so she could cover herself while emerging out of the water.

She smiled: “I thought you wanted to see me walk out of the sea like Aphrodite?” she teased him.

He looked a little sheepishly. “I know, but I also want to be sure I am the only man who ever gets to see you in your birthday suit.”

She smiled and kissed him. “ I want to make that sure as well.”

He wrapped a towel around his waist and then held up the blanket so she could get dressed. They walked back to the house together quickly, hand in hand, as it was getting dark.

To their surprise they ran into James and Allison, who had gone for a late walk themselves. Charlotte just hoped they didn’t notice her wet hair and awkwardness as she greeted them with a squeeky voice. As they walked on, Sidney reassured her: “I think Allison was just as embarrassed as you were, I noticed some grass in her hair…” Charlotte looked up a little shocked, then chuckled. “You think they…”

He nodded with an amused grin. “Well, I missed their wedding by half an hour, but I doubt they made a vow of living together in celibacy. And Allison’s state is quite a confirmation of my suspicion.” Charlotte chuckled and didn’t know where to look. Sidney meaningfully took her hand as they walked home further. They crept upstairs quickly before any of the servants could interrupt.

In her bedroom, Sidney wasted little time getting Charlotte out of her clothes again. When he had fully undressed her he had her sit on her stool in front of her dressing table. She looked away a little embarrassed at seeing herself in the mirror like that. Sidney lifted her chin, making her watch herself and watch him brushing her entangled wet hair till it neatly circled her face and covered her breasts. Then he braided her hair so it fell over one shoulder and he started kissing the other. She turned around to face him, kissing him, while unbuttoning his waistcoat and the rest of his clothes. He pulled her up from the stool, sat down on the bed as he leaned backwards and pulled her on top of him.

“Now, Aphrodite, your husband Hephaestus asks if you would perform your conjugal duties, he’s a little jealous of what you have been doing with Poseidon.” He said playfully making a solemn expression on his face. “And maybe Dionysus or Adonis will visit later.” He added as his mouth reached for her lips.

“Dear God, I’m going to be very busy with all these lovers.” Charlotte sighed playfully.

“This Greek God surely hopes so.” Sidney grinned.

“Maybe I should ask Athens, Artemis or Hera to help pleasure all these men…”she mumbled with a smile.

“Well, I believe I’m married to all of them too, but right now I prefer Aphrodite, she’s much better at that.” He smiled as he caressed her thighs.


	29. Sanditon House

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Heywoods come to stay in Sanditon House a few weeks. Sidney's pride is wounded when Charlotte accepts her father's help in managing the estate because she feels Sidney has little experience with the task. Charlotte feels uncomfortable sleeping in Lady D.'s old bedroom.

# 29\. Sanditon house

The following week, Charlotte’s parents and siblings came to spend a few weeks in Sanditon House. She had sent up two extra coaches to collect them all. She hired some extra maids to have all the rooms dusted and swept. Mr. Heywood had written he could not stay away from Willingden longer than that, as the harvest was approaching, which he had to oversee.

The Heywood family was quite overwhelmed with the size of the house and the park.

“Good gracious, Charlotte!” Mrs. Heywood exclaimed “Who would have thought you’d ever live in such a grand house!”

“Well, we don’t plan to live there mother.” Charlotte replied humbly. “We prefer to stay in our current cosy house. We’ll use Sanditon House for receiving guests and rent it out most of the time.”

“Really, are you right in your mind?” Mrs. Heywood replied in astonishment.

“Well, I agree with our Charlotte, dear. This house is big and stately, but I would not trade in our homely manor house for this either.” Mr. Heywood commented.

“Unfortunately not. “Mrs. Heywood sighed.

“Well, mother you are welcome to stay here as often as you like.” Charlotte consoled her mother. “and I can build you a stately home in Willingden, if you please.”

“Mrs. Heywood smiled. “That is not necessary dear, I would appreciate it more if you could do something for you poor sisters and brothers.”

“I will think of them, mama, we’ve only just started to go through all the books, set up a plan. It is a vast sum to manage, but then we also have earlier debts to repay and we’ve the obligation to set up a donkey stud. The welfare of my siblings is one of the reasons why I rather get some more revenue out of this estate than living here myself.”

“Thank you dear, I hope they will appreciate what you do for them, it sounds like you have a lot on your mind” Mr. Heywood remarked. “If I can be of help, just let me know.”

“Indeed papa, I get a lot of help, but Sidney is more a businessman, a merchant, and has little experience in managing land, you know his brother Tom is a dreamer rather than a manager. William, James and Arthur are not very experienced either. So, I’ll gladly accept your offer.”

“Well, maybe I’ll stay around a bit longer and let Thomas in charge of the estate in Willingden. He has to learn some day.”

“Well, I would like to return to Sanditon after the harvest, in October anyway, dear” Mrs. Heywood remarked. “I would like to be here when our first grandchildren are born.”

“Indeed you shall, dear, Elizabeth and Theresa can watch over the young ones in your absence” Mr. Heywood suggested.

“Yes, well I had actually hoped Charlotte and Allison would have been able to introduce them in society in London next season, but in their current condition, that cannot be.” Mrs. Heywood sighed.

Charlotte smiled: “Indeed I don’t think we’ll be in London next season. Sidney wants me to take rest and not travel so much anymore… but if Theresa and Elizabeth stay a while longer, they could attend the hunting party and some balls in Sanditon.”

“That would be lovely dear, if is not too much of an effort, but as you will be in confinement very soon and Allison too, someone else needs to chaperone them. ”

“Well, Mary an Diana may also chaperone them, and we might invite my sisters to London next year.”

“If you’re not carrying your next child then, dear.” Mrs. Heywood sighed.

“Well, for now, I need you to try out all the rooms and report anything wrong with them. We expect some high born visitors next month and I would like to know everything in the house is as it should be.” Charlotte instructed her parents and siblings.

“Putting us to work, Charlotte?” Mr. Heywood replied with an amused smile.

All the family members checked out their rooms, her siblings quite overwhelmed by having a room to themselves each. They had a big dinner together with all the Parkers and Stringers.

In the evening, Charlotte prepared for bed in Lady’ D.’s old bedroom, feeling rather grim, remembering seeing the old lady in her sickbed the year before. Sidney walked in, looking a little vexed himself.

“Charlotte, can we talk for a moment?” he asked agitatedly.

“What is the matter?” she asked a little startled.

“Did you tell your father to take care of the management of the estate?” he asked.

“He offered his help, and I gladly accepted it.” She answered.

“I would have liked it if you had discussed it with me.” Sidney replied, still annoyed.

“I’m sorry, it was a spontaneous action.” she said apologetically.

“Yes, well, I told him we could manage without him when he said he would assist us. But he claims you think we need his expertise, that you are not confident Tom and I will manage.”

“I’m sorry he put it that way.” Charlotte sighed. “I merely meant that we could use all the help possible and fair enough, I did say you are more experienced with trade and Tom with project development, but managing land is something different, and he has almost three decades of experience, so when he offered his help I thought he could share that experience with us.”

“So you don’t trust me with the management?” Sidney asked, a little hurt.

Charlotte sighed again, trying to appease him: “I’m sorry if it hurts your pride, but I think you can learn from him, just as I think he can learn from you. Your experiences are complimentary, I need you both. And I see him as our advisor, he’s not taking over if we don’t want him to. It has nothing to do with me not having faith in you. On the contrary, I am very happy I have you on my side in managing this all. But you still have your own business to run, it’s a lot for you to take on. ”

He sighed and with a still agitated voice he said: “Well I see it as _our_ business, not just mine, and I hope you see running the estate as _our_ venture, not merely _yours_ with me working for you.”

She took his hands and looked him in the eye: “I’m sorry I didn’t discuss it with you beforehand and quickly accepted his offer, you know I want to do this _together_ ,…. but it is also a big step for my father to leave Willingden for so long a time and I think it would do him good. It gives Thomas a chance to prove himself to my father…so when he suggested it, I was eager to accept his offer…I thought we would all profit from it… ”

“Well, It’s just that it came a bit as a surprise to me and if you had discussed it with me straight away, I would have had a less awkward conversation with your father.” He said, as his countenance softened. “I’m sorry. I overreacted. And, yes, we can use a lot of help with everything that’s coming our way.” He said, kissing her forehead.

“Well, I’ll just prepare you now: my mother intends to stay in Sanditon this autumn and see her grandchildren born.” Charlotte said, rolling her eyes.

He looked at her: ”Yes, I can imagine she’d like to be there. And I guess you’d like to have her around as well, have her share her experiences with you.” He said.

“Well, I would not deprive her from that event. But I do hope she’ll stay with Alison and James rather than with us. I love my mother very much, but I find living with her somewhat demanding.” Charlotte answered.

“Well, I’ll ask James to invite her, after all Allison may only have your mother’s guidance, you yourself can also rely on Mary’s help.” Sidney suggested. “But cherish your mother while she is still with us, dear, however much difficulty you have getting along.”

“You’re right, I’m sorry, I take my parents for granted…but I have much more patience with Mary,… or she with me. Thank you for thinking along.” She said as she kissed him.

“Well, after all it is my duty to make sure you stay content and relaxed. Though my outburst just now was a little deviation from that role….” he looked a little self-conscious.

“Well, you can make it up to me by not leaving me alone in this room. I do not like it at all. It’s so grim, it feels haunted. I can still see Lady Denham lying here, severely ill, with Esther, Clara and sir Edward hoovering around, waiting for her to die… ” She responded.

“I’ll join you shortly and we’ll chase all the ghosts away.” he said warmly. “I think this house is unfamiliar with love, so we’ll just have to bring some in.” he continued in a whisper, kissing her neck.

She supressed a giggle: “Please Sidney, I feel we being watched in this room. Maybe it’s all the paintings and sculptures in the house, but for tonight I just want you to hold me and nothing else.”

He looked her in the eye with a little disappointed smile: “Well interesting, you have more problems with intimacy in a bedroom that was meant for it than giving yourself to me in the open air….but whatever you wish, dear, whatever you wish. I’ll protect you from all the prying eyes and coldness of this room.” And he wrapped his arms around her. Then he sighed with an amused smile: “I’m starting to understand how Lady D. remained childless…” Then he asked with a hopeful smile “But if we’re aiming at royal guests here, shouldn’t we at least test the bed for squeaking?”.

“Good thinking…I’ll ask the children to jump on all the beds tomorrow.” She replied with a dryly.

He sighed in resignation.

The following days, while the Heywood siblings amused themselves in the park of Sanditon House or on the beach, Mrs. Heywood helped Charlotte with her inventory of the house, giving advice on improvement of the bedlinen, the crockery, the furniture. James Stringer took notes of any necessary repairs on the structure of the house and did suggestions for the interior decoration. There was little time for alterations before the first guests would arrive, but Charlotte wanted to have the most urgent things improved before the hunting event. The cook was relieved to be equipped with a clockwork spit-jack and a better oven, and desperately needed new pots and pans. In the most prominent rooms, a fresh coat of paint and new window dressings were planned in lighter colours, to make the rooms feel lighter and more airy.

“I would rather have this dark marble replaced with white marble” Charlotte sighed, looking around the main parlour. “But it would be too expensive.” James Stringer made some suggestions to make the rooms feel lighter with the use of lighter coloured ornaments, drapes and mirrors and she ordered carpets to cover some of the dark marble floors.

Meanwhile Sidney an Mr. Heywood inspected the land together with Lady D.’s old steward, heard the man’s complaints about the former owner’s unwillingness to invest and he showed them where repairs in the fences were needed. They made an inventory of all the cattle, discussed the productivity of the land, the prospects, where new trees should be planted, where they should be cut down. Mr. Heywood gave his advice on risks and long term revenues and Sidney came to understand what Charlotte meant when she told him managing land was different from running a business in importing and exporting or developing real estate. He felt ashamed he had dismissed his father-in-law’s aid at first and apologised to Mr. Heywood.

“No worries, son.” Mr. Heywood said “We all have our pride and you’re right to be asked before I interfere in your business. I hope you’re not too angry with Charlotte .”

Sidney smiled: “Well, I can never be angry with her for long, sir, she’s cast quite a spell on me… and she’s usually right about things, although it can take some time for me to accept the fact…”

Mr. Heywood laughed: “Well, without a little quarrelling one’s marriage would become quite dull. I gather you and Charlotte manage to work things out together? You seem tolerably happy together.”

“Indeed, I have no regrets marrying her, sir. But it is strange: we’ve experienced some of the happiest moments in our life since we found each other, and yet we’ve been through some of the most trying ones as well…”

“Well, son, a good marriage is more defined by how you get through the ‘worse’ together than getting through the ‘better’…Mrs. Heywood and I have been fortunate in many things. We’ve been blessed with many healthy children, a small, but dependable estate… But the large size of our family meant the pressure on our means of living has been great. We once lost a large part of the harvest in a fire…we’ve had to make difficult choices in managing our funds. And though most survived, we lost a few children, no pain is greater than losing your child…and Mrs. Heywood lost all of her brothers in the war, and her sisters to illness, leaving her no siblings…. Undoubtedly, you and Charlotte will have struggles of your own. And either you grow apart or you get closer.”

Sidney smiled and nodded.


	30. Little surprises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Autumn arrives and after the hunting event Charlotte has to take it easy. Being constrained by pregnancy frustrates her. Allison gives birth to a son and not long after, Charlotte feel the heavy cramps of labour herself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For any woman who has not given birth but wants children, I recommend you skip certain parts or you're going to change your mind.

# 30\. Little surprises

After the Heywoods returned to Willingden, except for William, Theresa and Elizabeth, Sanditon House was prepared for the big hunting event half September. Guests could stay in the house. There were hunting parties, picnics on the estate, a ball. Charlotte had arranged for some concerts and on other evenings, Allison eagerly obliged in showing her talents for playing the piano, while Diana Parker sang, surprising the listeners with the beauty of her voice. 

Charlotte presented her two younger sisters at the ball in new silk dresses. She had herself one made with a split in front that concealed her round belly as much as possible. Although she sat down most of the time, she enjoyed dancing some quiet waltzes with Sidney, James, William and Tom. James referred to their dance at the Midsummer ball the year before:

“You look as happy as you did that evening, sister.” He said. “I’m glad to see that smile back again. I believe I am to credit Sidney for it again?” he asked “Yes, he’s making me very happy.” Charlotte replied, while smiling at the topic of conversation.

“But I hope you yourself are happier than you were that night.” she responded.

“Yes, apart from the honour of dancing with you, that night was the most disastrous in my life…” he sighed with some sadness.

“Yes, It was a disaster for all of us…” she sighed.

“Yes, and although I was quite jealous of Sidney that evening, I must thank you now for never agreeing to marry me and opening my eyes to Allison…” James said with a laugh.

“ You’re welcome, brother!’ she replied “I gather you and Allison are very happy together.”

“She’s an angel. I do not wish to offend you, you are quite remarkable yourself, but every day I’m blown away with the beauty in everything she does.” He said while glancing at Allison with admiration.

Charlotte and Allison retired from the ball before midnight, both feeling too fatigued to stay up late, encouraging their husbands to stay and compensate for the small number of gentlemen. William played his part as well and Dr. Fuchs convinced Diana to do some ‘therapeutic dancing’ with him.

Later in the autumn Charlotte invited Lady Worcester to stay in Sanditon House for a while, an invitation which was greedily accepted by Lady Worcester and her ‘special friend’ as an escape from all the attention regarding the man’s divorce case, providing them with some desperately demanded privacy. As Charlotte no longer ventured far out from the house, only taken to the beach in the phaeton by Sidney from time-to-time, Charlotte’s dear friend came to Eden House, as Charlotte and Sidney had named their home, from time-to-time.

Charlotte felt the load of her pregnancy weigh on her more and more. She walked out in the garden a few times a day, tried to pick berries in September, but as she frequently felt kicks against her bladder, walking too far out became uncomfortable. Sidney would address the unborns in a strict voice, commanding them to give their mother any easy time, and Charlotte commented that they must have her character, as they were going against Sideny’s directions. At which SIdeny laughed heartily. Charlotte felt frustrated at being so limited in her movement, no matter how many visitors she had, having little more to do than knitting, crocheting and embroidering baby clothes and blankets. At night she had more and more trouble sleeping, as every turning around demanded she lift her heavy belly with her arms.

Sidney tried to console her, massaging her feet and her back in the evenings. She no longer climbed on top of him in bed, as the weight of her cargo rather crushed his torso as if it were a twelve gallon barrel. Like most other things, intimacy became complicated, though Sidney was quite inventive in finding a comfortable position for them both, secretly studying some pictures in a book bound in brown leather. He promised Charlotte that as soon as she had delivered her ‘barrel’ and recovered, she could run around as much as she wanted and if the winter weather allowed it, he would take her riding and she could gallop on the beach. He had bought a white mare for her and had it trained so she would have something to look forward to. He had bought a little Shetland pony for Sidonia and Charlotte watched their little girl learning to ride. And Sidney learnt that Charlotte felt less powerless if he let her manage the paperwork for them, and involved her in all the decisions of his, or rather, _their_ trade company, so he let her work at his desk, doing the accounts. They discussed what to do with all their new assets and the obligations coming from Lady D.’s will.

In the evenings, after Sidonia had been put to bed, Charlotte liked Sidney to read to her, laying her head in his lap and curling up as he sat in the lounge chair. Sometimes she still found herself waking up there in the morning, as she was getting tired more and more and Sidney did not want to disturb her after she dozed off.

Mr. and Mrs. Heywood returned to Sanditon again in October, staying with the Stringers after first staying a week with Charlotte while Sidney needed to go to London for business. Mr. Heywood helped to supervise the estate, while Mrs. Heywood helped Charlotte prepare the nursery and the lying-in room. Whenever Charlotte complained about her state, Mrs. Heywood was ready to comment that she’d been pregnant for a large part of her married life: “I don’t recall complaining as much as you do, dear. I bore it and satisfied myself with the result.” Mrs. Heywood censured her daughter.

“But you don’t have Charlotte’s active nature, dear.” Mr. Heywood defended his daughter: “And the first time you had quite some complaints, I recall. And you never had to carry more than one child at the same time, like Charlotte does now.”

“Yes, you’re right.” Mrs. Heywood replied with a sigh “Well after this one, the next will seem a piece of cake… I dare say.” Mrs. Heywood continued “Your body will be used to it and one child will give less complaints than twins.”

“If I’ll allow there’s going to be a next time.” Charlotte growled. Her parents gave each other a meaningful look.

At the start of November, Allison gave birth to a little boy, that they named Isaac Marcus, after his deceased grandfather. And a week later Charlotte started to feel the heavy cramps of labour herself. As she felt a vast amount of liquid stream down her legs and felt embarrassed about it, Carice, took her up to the lying-in room in the attic, the housekeeper started boiling water while a servant was sent out to fetch Dr. Fuchs, Mary, Mrs. Heywood and Sidney. The latter was at Sanditon House to oversee the progress of the renovations made. Sidney’s horse almost tripped as he hurried back to the house, after which Sidney discovered he had no role to play but wait for hours: first seeing Charlotte pacing up and down trying to relieve herself from the agony of her contractions, Mary and Mrs. Heywood encouraging her. And when Dr. Fuchs arrived, Sidney found himself banned to the parlour altogether. He had a small quarrel with Mrs. Heywood, who objected against a modern contraption as having a man assist with the birth. Mrs. Heywood felt it to be scandalous to have another man than Sideny seeing her daughter private parts and as men could not give birth, they could have no experience and knowledge of it.

But Sidney insisted on having the good doctor present. Male accoucheurs were the new standard in London and Dr. Fuchs was one of the best physicians in the country. Having the death of his own mother, who died during child birth together with the girl she gave birth to, in mind, Sidney wanted to take every precaution in ensuring a positive outcome.

After some time, Dr. Fuchs came to tell that there were some complications as the child lying below in the womb was in a breech position. If he could not turn it around, he would have to get the babies out through surgery. When he explained the consequences and risks, Sidney looked quite anxious and defeated. Before Dr. Fuchs could ask him he whispered: “Whatever you must do, doctor, save my Charlotte!” giving the doctor a meaningful look. As the doctor went back to Charlotte, Sidney folded his hands and starting praying.

Mr. Heywood came back from his ride and found Sidney in a state of despair. He patted his son-in-law on the back: “At a moment like this you feel most powerless. It is all in the hands of others…this is a scary moment, I know, but Charlotte’s a strong woman and there’s good doctor with her…” Sidney could only stare nervously at the fire and pace up and down. He drank a little, but he could swallow no food. Every time he heard a noise upstairs he wanted to run to Charlotte. A few hours later a maid came down to tell him that the doctor had managed to manoeuvre the child in the right position. Sidney felt a little relieved, but realised still a lot could go wrong. He remembered how he got the message when he was in school that his mother had died in bed. And he remembered finding his father injured after the hazardous and fatal fall from his horse. Sidney leaned against the mantel of the fireplace, allowing the smoke of the fire to redden his eyes and reliving all these horrid events.

Meanwhile upstairs, Charlotte felt the contractions sending painful waves through her abdomen, to the point where they came faster than she could recover from them. Dr. Fuchs had ordered her to lie down for a while and she had felt him pushing the baby’s around. Her pubis hurt from the pressure on it. As soon as Dr. Fuchs told her he had managed to get the baby’s in the right position, he had told her to squat down on the birth chair, so gravity might keep the babies in the right position. Mary and her mother supported her. After a while she felt her muscles contracting in such a way that they seemed to push everything down. The reflex to push her insides out conflicted with the sharp pain she felt in her crotch as if it were set to fire. She wanted it to stop, while the doctor, her mother and Mary told her to continue pushing. She felt exhausted but had to keep on going. She screamed when she felt herself tear a little. Then she felt something pop and liquid flowing out. In a haze she saw the doctor hold a small bundle of wrinkled flesh, cutting it loose. She heard it cry, while it was handed to the wet-nurse, who quickly wrapped it up in linen. Charlotte was exhausted, as if she had run a thousand miles, but she was told to catch her breath and push again. Again she felt the sharp pain and screamed as she pushed the next child out and saw it handed over to Carice. Her mother and Mary told her she had done well, that is was over…. but Dr. Fuchs felt her around the middle, looked startled and told her to push again. For a third time she squeezed her abdomen and looked while the doctor collected something purple.

Dr. Fuchs ordered Charlotte to lie down on the bed, checking if no placenta was left behind. She was then washed by her mother and had bandages tied between her legs to absorb her bleeding, while a maid made sure to get rid of the blood-soaked straw mattress and rags. They brushed her hair and then laid one the white bundles in her arms. She saw the little confused eyes, its little mouth squeezed between the cheeks. I was desperately flexing its mouth and searching her chest, clenching her breast through the bed shift. “It wants to drink, ma’am.” Carice whispered. Charlotte looked at the wet-nurse in the chair being already occupied with feeding, so Charlotte quickly undid the windings at the top of her bed shift and offered the little lips one of her nipples.

Mrs. Heywood looked surprised: “Will you feed them yourself?” she asked “You’ve got a wet-nurse here!”

Charlotte shrugged her shoulders and smiled, staring below at the endearing sight “It went automatically mother. It just hooked itself on.”

“Well, if you suckle yourself, you might delay the coming of a next one.” Mrs. Heywood remarked.

Charlotte forced a smile as she felt a thousand needles were pricking her breast.

Sidney sprang up when he heard the creaking of the stairs. He had heard Charlotte screaming in agony, he had been holding his breath in anxiety, he felt dizzy. Now Dr. Fuchs stood before him. Sidney looked at him with big anxious eyes. Dr. Fuchs gestured him to be calm: “It’s all right Herr Parker. Everything is all right. We’ve had a little surprise, but ….”He smiled mysteriously. “You can see them now.”

Sidney paced up the stairs, followed by Mr. Heywood. When he opened the door he saw Charlotte lying in bed, looking exhausted, but with a tender smile on her face, and as he came closer he saw two bundles with little eyes on in each of her arms. He looked at Charlotte and the babies in admiration. Mary told him to sit down on the bed with Charlotte. He obliged and then Mary handed him a third little bundle. He looked shocked and confused. And Mary whispered: “Well Sidney, you and Charlotte have quite caught up with me and Tom, say ‘hello’ to your _three_ new daughters.” He looked at Charlotte, who was too exhausted to speak and exclaimed “Oh Charlotte, what a job you’ve done, what a miracle.” He stared at his daughters for a while then laughed “Well, daughters enough now, I’m quite outnumbered now as a man, I’ll just have to hope for a boy next time.”

Charlotte shook her head: “Oh no, after what I’ve just been through, I’m not allowing you to touch me ever again.” Sidney looked a little startled and disappointed, but Mrs. Heywood reassured him in a whisper: “Don’t worry, she’ll forget about the pain. Every women says the same to her husband after the first time she has given birth, and somehow how we manage to repeat the mistake.” Mary nodded. He understood he just had to keep silent on the topic for a while.

They were left alone for a while. Sidney sat with one arm around Charlotte and one of baby’s in his other arm. He kissed Charlotte on the forehead. “I’m proud of you Charlotte, I can see it was hard labour.” She nodded with a smile, then added playfully: “Well your birthday was coming up and I do recall you wished for a lot of Charlottes…”

He chuckled: “Well, you gave me one for every decade of my life, that was not really necessary, but I do appreciate the gesture.” he answered dryly, then adding in a soft voice: “Thank you, thank you, thank you…”

They were silent for a moment as they studied their girls with admiration.

“Now have you thought of names?” he asked.

She smiled: “Well there are three women who we have to thank for our union… Without Mary I would have never met you… Susan has supported us while we were apart, and Georgiana made it possible for you to marry me without having your family sent to the poor house…”

He smiled “And what about Esther or Anne, since we owe our fortune to Lady Babington and Lady D.”

She rolled her eyes: “You mean we need even more girls? Are you trying to torture me and wear me out?... Well, Anne is my mother’s name too… “she mumbled.

“ We can give them more than one name. What about Mary-Anne, Esther and Susan?” he asked “ Then _if_ we get a boy later on, we can name it George, after Georgiana.” She gave him a dark look. “Or we name something else after her…”he said quickly.

She smiled: “I think we may give them more than one name: Mary Anne, Esther Allison and Susan Georgiana.”

”Well, that’s decided then.” Sidney smiled. “and if we should ever get a boy, we can still name it George or Charles, after you and your father.”

She gave him a dark look.

Dr. Fuchs came in after knocking on the door. “I’m afraid I have to be strict, Herr Parker. Frau Parker must eat some chicken soup and then go to sleep.”

Carice and the wet-nurse laid the babies in their cribs. A drawer of the dresser was used as a third crib, while Mary had sent a note home to tell Tom to come with the children and Sidonia and bring their own crib in the morning.

On the landing, Dr. Fuchs took Sidney apart: “Well Herr Parker, congratulations with your three healthy daughters. Frau Parker has done quite a difficult job. Now, for the husband a birth can be trying as well, but not in the activity, but in restraint. Frau Parker must recover and rest for six weeks at least. She must do no exercise before Christmas. And I strongly advise against any intimacy during that time. So therefore I recommend you constrain yourself and maybe sleep in your own bed. Do you understand?”

Sidney sighed and nodded in resignation. Mary and his parents-in-law were offered a bed for the night, as it was already quite late. Sidney retired to his own room. In the morning, after having been woken up several times by the babies’ cries, he brought a tray of breakfast to Charlotte himself.

While Charlotte slept again after her breakfast, the babies were carried down to show them to Sidonia and the other Parkers who had come to the house. Sidney held them one by one, examining each of them and their little cross-eyed looks for any resemblances to himself and Charlotte. He saw two were identical and had Charlotte’s eyes and dimpled chin, his mouth and straight, Greek nose, the third had her mouth and nose and his eyes. He told the family the names, but he had forgotten which was which. Tom patted his brother on the shoulder from beside the chair. “They’re little wonders aren’t they brother? I remember how overwhelmed I felt when Jenny was born. You must feel that now threefold.” Sidney could not speak and only glanced up at his brother looking utmost happy. “They look so small, I didn’t know a human could be so small….yet, imagine this coming out of your body…”

“Yes, they’re very small, a little premature maybe, but they look healthy enough.” Tom remarked.

Sidney took Sidonia in his lap, letting her hold her sisters one-by-one. “Well, you’re a big sister now. Sidonia. Will you help your papa and mama take care of these little ones?” She nodded a little shyly. “It’s a lot of babies.” she remarked “Yes, Charlotte has given us a lot!” he replied with a smile as his eyes filled with joyful tears “She’s been most generous!”

The next week Sidney gave Charlotte a new golden necklace, with three flowers as hangers, set with diamonds. “It falls short on how grateful I am to you for giving me three beautiful girls and the pains it took you.” he said warmly. “But within my limited power this is the least I can give back to you to express my admiration.”

They spent the next weeks adjusting to their new life. Charlotte remained bedridden for nearly six weeks, Sidney sat by her much of the time, holding their babies, marvelling at their growth, their first smiles, Charlotte believing to recognise Sidney’s smile in little Esther and Susan, while Mary-Anne’s looked more like her mother. When Charlotte and the babies slept, Sidney took Sidonia out to ride. Mrs. Heywood, though sleeping in the Stringers’ house, ran back and forth between her two daughters, sometimes bringing the babies with her, so the two sisters could admire each other’s children.

The Sunday before Christmas, Charlotte and Sidney’s girls, and the Stringer’s little Isaac were baptised. Charlotte was referred to as ‘a rose bush producing little roses lavishly’ by reverend Hankins. Sidney whispered: “For once I agree with him.”

That afternoon, as the Parkers gathered in Eden House, Dr. Fuchs stopped by, and as he stood next to Diana, the latter raised herself and looked around and announced she had agreed to marry Dr. Fuchs. She looked anxiously at her brothers, especially Sidney, who had always been sceptical of the man. But Sidney could only laugh heartily. “Well, I welcome any man to the family who has saved the life of my dear Charlotte and our children.”, giving Dr. Fuchs a gentle pat on the shoulders.

“But I’m curious Dr. Fuchs” he bantered: “Are you marrying my sister as a remedy for her ailments or as payment for all your bills?”

Dr. Fuchs grinned: “You’re underestimating you sister’s worth, Herr Parker. Your sister is a beautiful amethyst, whose sparkle has been hidden for many years till a crack revealed it.” Diana’s eyes filled with tears of joy. “I had never thought I would ever marry, I thought myself unfit for marriage, but Dr. Fuchs has convinced me of the opposite.” Sidney hugged his sister and whispered: “I know how that feels.”


	31. Christmas at Sanditon House

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlotte and Sidney have invited the entire family for Christmas at Sanditon House. Sidney reflects on how his life changed the past two years and attempts to restore his intimate relationship with Charlotte after her confinement.

# 1\. Christmas at Sanditon House

The day after the Christening they moved into Sanditon House for a few weeks, receiving all the Parkers, Heywoods and Stringers, except for Arthur, WiIliam and Georgiana who were still in Antigua, to celebrate Christmas together.

At Christmas dinner, Sidney held a toast:

“Two years ago, I was just returned from Antigua around this time, where I had fetched my ward Georgiana, quite displeased of the prospect of looking after a young girl. I was a bitter man, with little regard for the other sex and terrified of any deeper affections. Then that Spring, as I travelled to Sanditon to half-heartedly help Tom promote his development of Sanditon, I stumbled upon Mary, walking with a young woman whose appearance of pure innocence and bright eyes immediately caught my breath away. I fought an inner struggle, trying to deny any feelings for her. I behaved brutally towards her, telling her that her opinion meant nothing to me, that I did not think of her at all. And she reproached me most bluntly, expressed her honest dismay with my conduct. And then she took me by surprise with her mature practicality and wisdom. She managed to crack open the fortifications of my heart. And when I was ready to commit to her, we were stricken with the utmost disaster and I had to break both our hearts in an attempt to save my family….”he silenced, looking back at that sad time. “Then one year ago I was stranded in Gibraltar, after a shipwrech and being taken captive by corsairs. I was engaged to a woman who had broken my heart ten years before, but for whom I no longer felt any affection, while longing for this young woman who had put a spell on me from the moment I saw her walking on the cliff tops.” He looked at Charlotte. “If you had told me one year ago, or two years ago, that today I would not only married to the best woman imaginable, but that I would also be the father of four daughters and enjoying the responsibility, I would have doubted your sanity.” The others at the table laughed . “We’ve had our trials, but I can only be grateful for the richness the past year has brought us. And though I thought I could not love my Charlotte more than I already did when I married her, I discovered my love for her has only grown. To fate and the woman I love from the bottom of my heart ” And he raised his glass.

Charlotte smiled, his words making her glow. And after everybody had taken a sip from their wine, she added: “It is because the bottom of your heart appears to be false.”

The others looked at her in shock and Sidney looked at her a little insecure.

Charlotte clarified herself:“ Every time when I think I have descended down to the bottom of your heart, you appear to be capable of a deeper love. Your heart proves to be of infinite depths.” The others laughed, but her voice was warm and soft and she looked at him with so much admiration that he could only smile sheepishly.

Later in the evening, as the Heywood sisters took turns playing the pianoforte and Sidney took Charlotte in his arms for a dance and looked admiringly at her, he whispered in her ear: “I was wondering if I might come to your room tonight again.”

She smiled at him: “I would like that very much, I was beginning to think you lost your interest in me after I gave birth to our girls.”

“Lost interest in you? Never. It’s just that the doctor recommended I slept elsewhere for six weeks so you might rest and recover….so what I’m asking is whether you would enjoy performing some sacred ritual with me tonight, on the most sacred of all nights. You know, chasing away any demons and ghosts, fill this house with love and affection.”

She looked up at him in amusement: “Well what sort of ritual are you referring to, a Christian one or ..a Hindustani one?”

He looked at her with amused suspicion, grinning: “Well, it’s Christmas, so it would be rather sacrilege if we would do something other than a Christian rite, don’t you think?”

She tried to supress her laughter. “Well, you may come and we’ll start with some bedtime prayers and then we’ll see what happens…to be honest, I’m quite exhausted after all those nights with little sleep…”

He smiled: “I must say I wouldn’t mind lying down and closing my eyes myself. As much as I love our girls, a night without their crying would be very welcome…”

“Be patient, they’ll sleep through the night in a while…Shall I tell the others we’re retiring early?” she said.

“You’re not afraid of what they’ll think?” he asked.

“That we are a happily married couple with three babies, in desperate need of some sleep and wishing to lay in each other’s arms? What’s the harm in that? ” she replied with a smile.

After Charlotte had fed one of the triplets- the other two being fed by the wet-nurse- they retired to the room Charlotte had picked out for herself, on the upper floor, somewhat secluded and with only simple floral paper wall hangings. She had given Lady D.’s grand old bedroom to her parents this time. After the maid who helped Charlotte out of her dress and had warmed the bed with the bedpan had left, Sidney joined Charlotte and hugged her from behind, kissed her neck and started to undo her windings. She stopped him for a moment. “I fear my body has changed a little since the last time…I hope it doesn’t put you off.” she said a little embarrassed.

“Well then, I’ll have to rediscover it. I’ll be careful…if anything hurts, you must tell me.” He said softly.

“I’m not afraid of you hurting me now…. I’m afraid of hurting again if you plant another child in me and I must push it out of me again….” She said, shivering a little.

“I’ll try to prevent that.” he said reassuringly. He caressed her slowly, feeling her altered abdomen and breasts, carried her gently to the bed and let her loosen his waistcoat and breeches. They lay side by side for a long time, playing with each other’s feet and fingers, their lips before Charlotte rolled on her back, allowed him between her thighs and welcomed his endeavour for their physical reunion.

“I’ve missed this position.” Sidney commented as he pulled het night shift over her head. But when his face dived down between the curves of her breasts, he suddenly felt his hair getting wet. He lifted his head up and felt a yellowish white substance spray in his face. Charlotte startled and quickly put back on her night shift and adjusted the breast pads.

“I’m sorry.” She said “That is not meant for you…” they burst out in laughter and after she washed off the milk from his face with a washcloth, they proceeded with their intimate get-together.

In the morning they found themselves waking up in a wet bed. Charlotte had not been woken for feeding time at night and her milk had spilt on the sheets. Charlotte apologised embarrassed. She put on a robe and hurried to the nursery room in the hope of having her painfully swollen breasts relieved. Sidney followed a little later to watch her suckling.

“You looking like a boy who sees another child play with his favourite toy.” She remarked.

“Well, that is a pretty accurate description.” He replied with a smile.

“Well it’s just a few months, then they’ll start eating other things, and Martha may feed them alone and you have my breasts to yourself again.” she teased him with a smile.

They spent a happy fortnight celebrating Christmas and New Year in Sanditon House. They dined, played music, danced. They played endlessly with their children. Charlotte’s younger siblings and their nephews and nieces played outside in the snow. Sidney pulled the children’s sleds, had snowballs thrown at him. For Sidonia it was her first experience with snow and Sidney and Charlotte had much fun helping her to build snow figures. And while during the day they enjoyed the company of their children and relatives, at night Sidney and Charlotte enjoyed each other.


	32. More Expansions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Christmas and Diana's marriage to Dr. Fuchs, Sidney and Charlotte stay in London a while, where they work out their ideas for the Sanditon Hotel, the girls' school and some new investment projects. Carice is reunitied with her son. Sidney has promised to avoid getting Charlotte pregnant again as she wants to have time and energy to realise her ambitions, but his methods are somewhat failing...

# 32\. Further expansions

After Christmas they celebrated the Fuchs’ wedding and they left for London for a while, with Charlotte’s sisters Elizabeth and Theresa. Charlotte and Sidney escorted them to balls, just as her mother had wished. For some reason, the serious and docile Theresa felt herself attracted to their cousin Roger Heywood and married him, while Elizabeth was in little hurry to wed. Lady Worcester came to admire their daughters and frequently came by to hold her namesake, little Susan, on her lap, commenting that “a certain person seemed to be still very much in love with Charlotte.”. Charlotte in her turn admired how their Goddaughter, the little Charlotte Crowe, had grown. Mrs. Jenkins, the housekeeper at Bedford Place, was overjoyed at seeing her mistress again after almost a year and meeting the little Miss Parkers. She made sure Sidonia was spoilt with sweet treats and Charlotte with flowers and hot baths. Charlotte could finally admire the bedroom Sidney had redecorated for her with soft blue and green silk hangings with little pink and coral roses embroidered on them. 

The private investigator Sidney had hired to search for Carice’s son, Jason came to them with good news. It appeared Jason was working in the kitchen of Carlton House. Lady Worcester helped to arrange a meeting between Carice and Jason, asking her ‘special friend’ permission to visit the house. Carice and Jason were in tears and after having been granted an hour together, parting was even more difficult. Carice asked Jason if he could seek a position near Sanditon, so she could see him more often. But Jason was hesitant to leave his good position. He had established quite a name as sous-chef, and didn’t want to destroy his prospects by offending his powerful employer. Carice was struggling between her wish to stay close to her son in London or remain with Charlotte and Sidney. Jason, despite his good position, did not earn enough to support her. He lived in the servant’s quarters where there was no place for Carice. She could try to find a position with another family in London, but nowhere would she feel as welcome as with Charlotte and Sidney. And she was attached to little Sidonia. Eventually, Lady Worcester solved the dilemma by convincing her ‘special friend’ to let go of his sous-chef. And Charlotte offered him a position in the Sanditon Park Hotel. The old cook, Mrs. Briggs had expressed a wish to retire, a she was suffering from rheumatism. Charlotte had wanted to bring in a French Cook, but Jason appeared to familiar with not just the French, but also other kitchens. So it was agreed he would come back with them to Sanditon in the Spring.

And while Charlotte worked out her plans for Sanditon House, she interviewed prospective governesses and masters to work at her new girls’ school. And Sidney set up a new investment company according to Charlotte’s instructions, the Parker-Heywood Investment Company. Lady D. had left them about two-hundred- thousand pounds, including Sanditon House and Park, after leaving ten thousand pounds for Allison and Clara’s two younger brothers each. Charlotte and Sidney had decided to put half the sum they inherited, including Sanditon House and Park, in the Sanditon Development Company, doubling the investments of the others. That way they owned half the company, while Arthur and Georgian with their fifty-thousand pound investment owned a quarter, Tom, who had put in fifteen thousand (after distracting some costs due to mismanagement) held seven-and-a half percent. Diana , who together with Arthur had invested half her inheritance of five thousand pounds and had gotten Arthur share’s after he married Georgina, had two-and a half percent of the shares; the Babingtons got five percent; and the other ten percent belonged to the other investors they had found at the dinner party organised by Lady Worcester. The estate revenue of five thousand a year as such went to the shareholders, which appeased those who were discontent with the progress of the development, while waiting for the revenue of the development to attain a higher level than could be gotten from safer government bonds. 

The other half of their hundred thousand pounds Sidney and Charlotte put in another investment fund, of which they gave each of their fourteen siblings and Charlotte’s parents a three percent share, leaving Charlotte and Sidney with just over half the shares. Charlotte had a mind of investing in steam engine technology. Lady Worcester had introduced her to George Stephenson, who was about to get a commission from parliament to engineer the Stockton and Darlington Railway. Charlotte convinced Sidney to invest part of their money in railways and steamships. To help James Stringer, she got the idea to let him design houses for a new neighbourhood in London, under the supervision of Charles Pugin and John Nash, to whom she was also introduced. Her new brother-in-law, Dr. Fuchs, came with ideas to install bathrooms with shower baths and plumbing in the new houses. And after her experiences with travel, Charlotte came with the idea to develop passenger ships that could transport travellers more comfortably than the existing packet ships. And she wished to develop comfortable hotels, that would be more pleasant for women to stay in than the regular inn with a pub.

Sidney had trouble keeping track of all Charlotte’s ideas, especially as she tended to vent her ideas at moments that he was too distracted by his physical attraction to her to pay attention to the beauty of her mind. He was grazing her neck with his lips on their wedding day -or actually two wedding days- as the married on leap day the 29th of February, so they decided to celebrate it on both the 28th of February and the first of March- when she started reminiscing their wedding night.

“How little did I know then.” she laughed. 

“Well, I must say you’ve been a good learner.” he mumbled.

“Well, you did a great effort in teaching me.”

“And a very eager learner.” he added. “I remember five times a day was hardly enough for you.”

She blushed. ‘Despite the very uncomfortable beds.”

“And I must have been smelling awful, transpiring in that awful little cabin.” He said.

“ Not worse than the rest of us.” she added. “and you used such an excess of Eau de Cologne that I was quite intoxicated…”

He laughed: “ah so that was why you were so willing.”

She tried to avoid thinking of what had happened later on their journey. “You now, traveling could be much more pleasurable if passengers had some more space, and more comfortable beds.” she mumbled

“I did my utmost best to pleasure you, dear, as I am trying to do now….” He commented

“Indeed … what if we would invest in ships specially for passengers. There are more people traveling across the Atlantic every day now. But still the ships are mainly designed for transporting goods, not people. And we could set up a branch of hotels at popular destinations, so ladies can have a more comfortable stay than in your average inn. With reception rooms suitable for women. What do you think?” she rambled on.

“I’m thinking that everything you say and do is great idea, especially what when you touch me in that particular spot.” He sighed, panting.

Another time she was bathing when he came home late afternoon and walked up to her dressing room to greet her. He smiled seeing her body shine through her bathing dress and bowed to kiss her forehead.

“Well, hello, are you enjoying yourself, dear? Have you and the girls had a good nap?”

“We have, and I felt like having a little invigorating bath and a good wash after our walk through the park and another ‘milk incident’ while I napped.”

“I can see that. Do you need any help with that?” He asked a little licentiously while picking up the wash cloth and the bar of soap and seating himself next to her.

She went to sit straight up, so he could reach her back. “I was just thinking what a pity it is we don’t have a shower bath here.” She started. “I really like the way the trickling water caresses my skin.”

“Well, I can help you with the caressing part, dear.” he smiled.

She smiled back. “You know we could have them installed in all the houses of Nash’s new building project we’re investing in. And the new terraces in Sanditon.”

“Hmm.” he answered, as he was observing her cleavage while he sat half behind her on the stool.

“and we could create upstairs bathrooms, there are better pumps available now that can pump the water up all the way to the upstairs floors.”

He started to nibble on her earlobes, knowing it to unleash every sense of desire in her. “Right now you are activating quite a different pump, dear… Like the first time you talked to me about pumps and steam pipes.”

“When was that?” she wondered, as her breathe started to quicken and little moans escaped her.

“At Susan’s dinner party for the promotion of Sanditon.” he mumbled

She blushed and turned her head: “Oh my God. I had no idea.”

“Indeed you didn’t. I was wondering at the time whether you meant it metaphorically and then you asked so innocently whether you had said anything wrong. And I didn’t have the heart to tell you what you were causing.”

“You’ve ruined that innocence now.” She remarked playfully.

“Someone had to, eventually. I’m just glad it was me. And back then I was just relieved our little tour of London together I search of Georgina hadn’t corrupted your innocence entirely.”

“Well, you saved my honour…eventually.” she smiled as she leaned backwards to allow him to kiss her.

“But I must say you could restrain yourself better then.” She added, as his hands slid down her neck underneath the cloth of her bathing gown.

“well, I’m glad I don’t have to now.” he mumbled “and if you would do the honours, dear, and handle this pump here… you can have different kind of shower bath.”

She blushed as he directed her hand.

“I hope you were not planning on planting anything into me again.” She sighed

“I promised you I wouldn’t, the rest of my offspring will just have to play outdoors.” He reassured her.

“Now, if you would just lend me a hand.” He pleaded. “Then I”ll lend you mine.”

“You’re going to make a mess again? I just washed off all the stickiness...”

“If I come in there with you there will be a greater mess, because all the water will spill over the floor and then we’ll have to explain to Mrs. Jenkins how that happened. “he teased. “Now you don’t want that, do you? And you can wash some more when I’m done, but let’s have a little fun first.” His right hand slid down in the water to pull back the hem of her bathing gown and give his hand access the space between her thighs.

She smiled between her soft moans: “All right, I believe I have been neglecting you.”

“Don’t apologise for retiring to bed early every night and falling asleep before I join you. But I am happy if you could indulge me now for a moment.”

Later, during dinner he was able to listen to her with more focus and concluded her ideas were worth a shot. They discussed her ideas further and divided the funds over several projects. And Sidney used his contacts in the ship building industry and machine manufacturers to get her ideas realised and bought shares in some railway projects.

At the end of March, as the snow was starting to melt, they returned to Eden House in Sanditon. Charlotte helped organise all the events for the coming season, set up the curriculum for her girls’ school, deliberately offering the girls more than needle work, painting, piano lessons and French. She had Mr. Nash and Mr. Pugin visit Sanditon and admire James Stringer’s’ work, without telling them he was her brother-in-law and they offered him to work with them on their new project in London. Charlotte and Sidney offered him and Allison the use of Bedford Place for the time being.

Sidney and Charlotte held picnics along the river, while constantly watching out for the triplets in case one of them crawled too close to the riverside. Mary and Tom often came along with children. Sidonia and Henry would play house together, while Alicia and Jenny were much pre-occupied with the triplets. They had little boat rides on the river. And on warm evenings Charlotte and Sidney would sometimes creep to their cove for some night swimming and more. As the triplets started to eat solid food and Martha, the wet-nurse, could handle the breastfeeding, Charlotte felt more free and she and Sidney could sneak off more easily. Charlotte finally got to ride her white mare and they made little trips on horseback, along the river, along the cliffs, on the beach, sometimes with Sidonia, sometimes just the two of them.

Sidney tried to persuade Charlotte one day at the end of April to picnic among the blue bells and was surprised at her adamant refusal.

“It’ll induce a curse from the fairies, Sidney.” she said utmost serious.

He laughed astonished: “Don’t tell me you believe those superstitions.”

“I don’t wat to risk it, dear.” she stated firmly.

He threw his hands in the air: “I can’t believe my sensible wife to be so foolish. I’m forbidding you such paganism.” he said playfully.

“You, who wants to enact the entire Greek mythology in our bedroom?...and outside of it…”

He chuckled: “Come on, it is such a magic sight.”

“Magic… and the bulbs are poisonous. What if one of the girls starts to suckle on them.” She argued.

“Then we leave the girls here.”

“But what if the poisonous substance gets on our clothes and the girls start to suckle on that.”

He frowned: “All right. We’ll go someplace else.”

At the end of June she again felt some familiar tickles and kicks in her abdomen and she sighed as Dr. Fuchs confirmed she was expecting a new child. Sitting on her bed, she looked at Sidney reproachingly after Dr. Fuchs had left.

“You said you could prevent my getting pregnant.” She said angrily.

“I’m sorry, I did my best, but it is not fool proof.” He said apologetically as he sat down beside her.

“With that smile on your face you don’t look very sorry.” she said a bit sneeringly.

“I’m sorry I rejoice in the thought of another child, dear. But I didn’t impregnate you on purpose. I’ve tried to avoid it, but God apparently has other plans. And unless we abstain entirely, there will always be a small chance it happens again.”

“Well, there’s nothing to be done about it now.” she sighed. “And now it’s coming, it’s welcome and I’ll take good care of it.” she curled up her lips in a little smile. “I’ll just endure it once more.” she caressed her belly.

He kissed her softly: “Maybe it will be easier this time. The last time you were carrying triplets.” He tried to console her.

“Let’s hope so.” She smiled.

“And I promise I will do my best to take any burden from your shoulders.” He added.

“Thank you dear, I know that.” she looked him in the eye. “But there’s just so many ideas I have, and things I want to do, I feel rather constrained now. I just wish I could plant that child in your belly from time to time, that you could carry it for a while.”

He chuckled: “And I would love to experience how it is to feel another life in me, but that just can’t be dear. God has not made that possible. But I’ll assist you in any way I can with everything else you wish to produce.” He gave her another kiss and she moved over a bit to allow him to lie down and she turned to face him.

“Well there’s one advantage in this situation,. “he mumbled in between some kisses.

“And that is?” she asked somewhat distracted.

“You don’t have to worry about me pulling out in time.” He said mischievously.

“ And I get to go on top again.” She grinned.

“Indeed. I’ll let you have your way with me then.” he smiled as he rolled on his back and alloed her to climb him.

Sidney bought Charlotte a little buggy that her mare, Lady White, could pull. That way Charlotte could move about by herself when she didn’t feel like walking. And it prevented her mare stood idle in her stable. But after some months, her groom announced that Lady White apparently a romance of her own with Sidney’s black stallion, carrying her own foal inside her. Charlotet and Sidney had seen how Nightfire, his stallion had tried to mate with Lady White when they had just been rolling in the grass along the river themselves, but they had not been aware Nightfire had succeeded. SO Charlotte had little conversations with her mare, discussing the burdens of joys of pregnancy.

“They are a sneaky pair, aren’t they, our men, seducing us, impregnating us without asking. I know how you feel, lady. Well, I hope giving birth is easier for you horses.” She said as she cuddled her mare in the stable.

On Christmas Eve Charlotte gave birth to a sturdy baby boy. They deliberated over naming him George Charles as originally planned, or naming him Christian, referring to the special date of his birth. Charlotte growled when Sidney suggested saving the name George for a next son. And indeed after Christian Charles, a George Thomas followed the next winter. And a little Chrystal Sophie in the next year and the twin boys Theodore Arthur and Francis William in the year after that.

By that time, Georgiana and Arthur had returned from the Caribbean with a little boy and girl, little Otis Sidney and Kate Diana. William came back as well, married to a Catherine Beywater, a shy woman who was quite attached to her lady’s maid. They had all been quite happy in Antigua, but the situation was turning grim. Despite their efforts to end slavery and free as many slaves as they could, providing them with work on cooperative plantations, Georgiana and Arthur found themselves target of revenge. At one side the plantation owners were displeased with their activities and started to intimidate Georgiana and the children. On the other side, slaves were rioting and burning down the houses of the British and the mixed ancestry of Georgiana and the children did not protect them from their wrath. Daughter of both slave and master, she was trusted by neither slaves nor masters. They had moved to Haiti for a while, where the Creoles had formed their own state and they had hoped to establish some business there, but they were disappointed in the strong tax measures that were instated to pay France for its recognition of the State.

Charlotte was happy to see her friend back again and for little Sidonia it meant she was no longer the only coloured girl in the family and in Sanditon, something that despite Charlotte’s and Sidney’s efforts to get her accepted was very hard on her. Diana Parker, after some years, gave birth to a twin, a boy and a girl, named them Ruth Alexandra and Matthew Leonardo and Dr. Fuchs made sure she didn’t overprotect them.

Charlotte more or less resigned in the fact that her and Sidney’s unrestrained passion for each other and their ineffective methods of contraception meant they produced a child every year and sometimes even more than one. After the first eight children followed Belinda Elizabeth, Michael Adrian (or just Mike in short), Ian Jacob, the twin girls Lily-Rose and Ivy Marigold and finally another pair of twin boys: little Oliver Jaymes and Andrew Turlough. As much as she liked to concentrate on her school, the development of Sanditon, and their investment projects, almost every year Charlotte found herself confined to the house for a few months, entrusting Sidney with her affairs. And although Charlotte growled and Sidney apologised every time they expected a new child, their rejoice when that child arrived was great, recognising each other in the products of their love and loving each other even more deeply for it. They built some extra rooms above the stables, so they could house some extra servants, while the children got used to sharing their rooms.

Charlotte’s ideas, sold by Tom, and Sidney’s business experience were a golden combination, and Arthur and the Heywood brothers helped them carry out their ambitions. After ten years, the company had doubled its value and revenue. And while reinvesting much of the profit, they spend much of it on Charlotte’s school, and financing campaigns to abolish slavery entirely. And Sidney set aside five thousand pounds for each of his children, which would amount to a nice dowry or starting capital when they would become of age.

They lived in Sanditon most of the time. Sidney would usually go to London one day a week, leaving Sanditon on horseback early morning, arriving at the house in London before noon and riding back after dinner, to reach Eden House late in the evening. He kept a pair of horses in a stable near Felbridge, halfway London and Sanditon, so he could ride swiftly, covering the distance in four to five hours. Sidney and Charlotte were hardly ever a night apart. Only when Charlotte was in confinement, recovering from giving birth, would Sidney retire to his dressing room. If he stayed in London longer or if they had social obligations, Charlotte would usually accompany him in their coach, sometimes with two or three of the children. In the autumn or midwinter, they would usually stay in London a few months, and a parade of carriages would enter London, containing the family with all the children and several nurses and governesses to support them.

Within London society it became well known that whoever wished to convince Sidney Parker, as head of the Parker and Heywood Enterprise, of investing in their ventures, needed to be invited to Mrs. Parker’s dinner table and discuss science and politics with her first in the scarce moments she was in town. Her little ‘soirées of discovery’ were well sought after. She often invited scholars and craftsmen to present their new discoveries and inventions or debate philosophy, literature and politics, and after dinner there was time for games, music or dance.

Among the servants, they were notorious for their display of passionate intimacy. Rumours spread that Mr. Parker’s bed was hardly ever slept in and that whenever Mr. and Mrs. Parker were alone in a room, the servants were reluctant to enter, afraid of being exposed to obscenity. In Sanditon, rumours spread that on warm summer nights, Mr. an Mrs. Parker could often be found rolling in the grass along the river. And the fishermen told a tale that sometimes they could spot Aphrodite and Poseidon together in the coves of the Sussex coast.

Although they could afford all the servants they could wish for, Charlotte was adamant that her children should not be taught idleness, but practicality. Apart from an elaborate educational programme regarding everything a gentleman or gentlewoman needed to know, she had them taught how to grow their own vegetables, cook their food, mend their own clothes, manage their own accounts. She had them read plenty and took them to the British Museum or exhibitions regularly. She developed a strict time-schedule to attend to each of her children, Sidney and her projects. she spent a few hours every morning supervising the classes and teaching some of the lessons herself. And when the children and the masters and governesses she had hired were set to work, she would meet with the headmistress of her school and the housekeeper of the Sanditon Hotel. After lunch, if she was not in need of rest, she would make her calls, accompany Sidney on business calls or run her shopping errands. There was a little play time before dinner together with the children. Sidney and Charlotte taught them to play cricket, while Allison taught them music and drawing. And after dinner and when all the children were put to bed, she and Sidney would retire to his study, to discuss the day and their business affairs. And if they had a _little_ energy left, Sidney would read her a book. If they had _more_ energy and were too impatient to wait till they got upstairs they would make love in the study. On warm Summer nights, they would have their little meetings strolling or lying down on the beach, or in the grass somewhere. But often enough, they were just exhausted and retired to bed early and if either of them had not fallen asleep before the other came to bed, they would try a little love making there.

The house on Bedford Place in London was left to Tom and Mary after some time. Charlotte and Sidney built a bigger house on Brookstreet, close to their friend Lady Worcester and overlooking the Hyde Park behind their big garden, so that they could accommodate their large family and had to cross just one street to go to the park, as it had become a bit of a hassle to take all the children to the park from Bedford Place. And when in town, London society could watch the spectacle of the Parker family going for a stroll in the late afternoon every day. Mr. And Mrs. Parker would walk beside each other, surrounded by a swarm of children running around, a handful of staff to carry and watch the younger ones and usually one or two of the Parker or Heywood siblings to join them. Sometimes they were in the company of their friends, Lady Worcester, Lord and Lady Babington or the Crowes and their children.

For Lady Eliza Denham, this sight was too confronting. Not that she was unhappy with Sir Edward, but she did not like being reminded of her defeat in winning Sidney Parker for herself and especially the public’s unforgiving remarks about how humiliating it must all be for her, as she remained childless herself. Therefor she persuaded Sir Edward to move to Venice during the winter months. She had wished to leave London altogether, but Sir Edward insisted on living in London at least part of the year. And he insisted on walking in Hyde Park every day, quite eager to encounter his cousin Clara and admire her child or watch his sister, Lady Babington, with her family.

Lady Eliza Denham first assumed he regretted not having children of his own and being estranged from his relatives. After some years, Lady Eliza noticed the strong resemblance between her husband and little Charlotte Crowe when greeting her and her mother in the park. Realising others would see it as well, she convinced Sir Edward it was better for the girl if he kept his distance, that any rumour of Sir Edward being the girl’s real father would bring her to ruins. So they left for the Mediterranean indefinitely.

Charlotte and Sidney remained good friends with the Babingtons and the Crowes. While Lady Esther Babington would never become close with her cousin, Mrs. Clara Crowe, her enmity lessened somewhat and at length she could tolerate and forgive Mrs. Crowe, seeing how abuse had shaped the woman’s character how she redeemed herself as Mrs. Crowe. And after all, without Clara, she would not have married Lord Babington and have found happiness with him.

Arthur and Georgiana lived happy lives in a marriage based on friendship and for some reason both their houses in Sanditon and London were adjacent to that of William Heywood and his wife Catherine. Georgiana supported the abolition movement, with help of her in-laws. Arthur and William, as well as the Heywood cousins and Charlotte’s younger brothers kept their employment in the family business.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was season 3. I'm starting on season 4 now, which takes us some ten year ahead, where Sidney and Charlotte face new challenges, keep struggling with contraception, Tom redeems himself, the children start to have their own little romances and Sidney and Charlotte make a grand tour of the Mediterranean together with their children. I still have to write most of it, so new chapters may come a little slower than you ar used to from me.


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